

KELLEY JENNESS 




Class 

Book 

GopyrigM^ . 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



THE PILOT FLAME 



BY 

KELLEY JENNESS 

A practicing pastor, engaged in lighting 

pilot flames 




BOSTON 

SHERMAN, FRENCH & COMPANY 

1912 






Copyright, 1912 
Sherman, French & Company 



C!,A33218 ! . 



FOREWORD 

The ladies of the community decreed a baby 
show to provide the funds for a children's play- 
ground. Where a beautiful child is esteemed a 
more desirable possession than an automobile, 
such an effort meets with success. The parson- 
age had an exhibit for this show, our dolly girl, 
Virginia, life's most entrancing plaything. Her 
mother would have liked to display her exhibit, 
but it happened on that day that "Mrs. Rumsey 
Jenness" must take a train to keep the date of a 
temperance lecture. The mother arrayed her 
dolly with tender glee, and then, with last re- 
gretful looks, the temperance lecturer departed to 
meet the stern obligations of the public life. It 
fell to my lot to hold the exhibit, number eighty- 
seven, in the Two Year Olds. More delightful 
than a blossom fete, were the flower beds of babies, 
filling large school rooms. The crowd flowed by, 
making comments, which I enjoyed because 
eighty-seven was a good exhibit. The impartial 
judges brought from distant cities passed un- 
known in the procession. When the crowd be- 
came so dense that I was afraid the heat might 
wilt my exhibit, I retired with her to the cool 
fringe of folks on the lawn. In placid satisfac- 
tion I was chatting with friends about the ac- 



FOREWORD 

complishment of the playground funds. From 
the steps, far down in front, a voice called, 
"Where is eighty-seven? Who was eighty-seven? 
Eighty-seven is awarded first prize in the Two 
Year Old Section." As I went through the crowd 
carrying my exhibit to receive the prize, I felt 
that it was wrong that "Rumsey Jenness" was not 
there too, for the exhibit was certainly more her 
achievement than mine. 

I am now called upon to hold another exhibit 
which is our joint achievement, our book, "Th£ 
Pilot Flame." It has come out of our yokefellow 
life ; we have clothed it with our toil ; we have sat 
up with it nights ; and we have enj oyed it when it 
was good. I wonder, is "The Pilot Flame" as 
good an exhibit as Virginia? Shall I enjoy hold- 
ing it so much as I did eighty-seven? 



TITLES OF CHAPTERS 

PAGE 

The Title Analogy .... 1 

I The Child Who Conforms . .16 

II The Child Who Varies . . . 54* 

III Illumination 96 

IV The Perception of the Presence 

of God 1ST 

V The Lettered and the Learned . 157 

VI The Turbulent Bar . . . .192 

VII Dark Till Jesus Comes .... 221 

VIII Made-Over Garments .... 251 



THE TITLE ANALOGY 

In the regions where natural gas is abundant, 
most families have in the cellars of their houses 
an apparatus through which flowing hot water 
is delivered where it is needed throughout the liv- 
ing rooms. This hot water is not heated in a 
tank, whose capacity may be exhausted when on 
one evening the whole family is minded to keep 
the ceremony of bathing. The water is heated 
as it flows, and he who comes last in his use of it 
gets the hottest. The secret of this mysterious 
and continuous flow of hot water is the pilot flame, 
a tiny gas jet in the secret place of the heater, 
burning in the midst of a circle of powerful gas 
burners which are set under the coil of water 
pipes. The pilot flame itself might heat a cup- 
ful of water in an hour. Ordinarily it burns with 
a one candle power, but it is able to flash into a 
flame having the heating power of hundreds of 
candles. When the water faucets are opened in 
the rooms above, the rushing stream automatic- 
ally lets loose a flood of gas which streams out 
through the circle of powerful burners and is 
ignited by the pilot flame. The fervid flame 
roaring around the coiled water pipe heats the 
water as it flows, so that there issues from the 
faucets steaming water. The flow will continue 



2 THE PILOT FLAME 

as long as the channel is open. When the faucet 
is closed and the flowing of the water stops, the 
supply of gas is cut off, the fervent blaze dimin- 
ishes to the little pilot flame, and the water in the 
coiled pipes becomes motionless and cold. But the 
pilot flame burns on, faithful and expectant; and 
so long as it burns, the slightest movement of the 
water will transform the cold inert fluid into a 
warm, living flood. 

If the pilot flame has never been lighted, if a 
strong wind has blown it out, or if the pinhole 
through which the gas flows to sustain the flame 
be stopped with rust, then the water which was 
needed hot, flows out cold. So little gas flows 
through the pilot flame hole, that if it be not 
burned, it mingles with the air, and is only faintly 
perceptible. But if the water is caused to flow 
when the pilot flame is not lighted, the volume of 
gas liberated by its flow, but not consumed, fills 
the cellar and becomes an agent of terrible and 
deadly power. Some accidental contact with a 
flame may cause it to rend the house above. 

Every normal individual has in the uncompre- 
hended depths of his personality, an apparatus 
through which the power of God may be. applied 
to all his flowing activities, so that each activity 
may be dispatched in the warmth of courage and 
hope. This apparatus is not readily inspected, 
because it works in the dim and unexplored por- 
tions of his nature. It is not necessary to keep 
it under constant inspection, any more than it is 



THE TITLE ANALOGY 3 

necessary for the family to live in the cellar. 
Whether or not it is fulfilling its function is de- 
termined not by an inspection of the apparatus, 
but by the presence or absence of courage and 
hope in the flowing activities. It is not necessary 
for every man to inquire into the origin of this 
apparatus ; he may accept on large testimony the 
fact that it is there. It is necessary for every 
man to take heed that the apparatus is in order, 
that the pilot flame is lighted and faithfully burn- 
ing. It is necessary to heed the caution that the 
winds of greed do not blow the flame out, nor the 
rust of riches fill the burner through which the 
power of God has access into the soul of man. 
He in whom this apparatus is working will find 
that the power of God is not stored in a little 
tank-like section of his activities ; nor need it 
be saved to i>e used sparingly in desperate emer- 
gencies of sorrow; automatically it flows with the 
dispatching of his normal activities. 

That it may be present as the genial warmth of 
courage and hope expressed in all the rooms of 
living, it is needful that the pilot flame of the 
recognition of God be burning. If the pilot flame 
of the recognition of God has never been lighted ; 
if the strong winds of greed and bitterness have 
blown it out ; if the rust of riches has filled up the 
small access which the power of God has into the 
personality of the normal man, then all the activi- 
ties of life are dispatched cold. They may rush 
forth under the pressure of energy and ability; 



4 THE PILOT FLAME 

nevertheless, they are cold. Faith, burning like 
a pilot flame, can ignite the outrushing power 
which accompanies activities, and can turn that 
power into the genial warmth of courage and 
hope. 

It may even happen that should there be great 
need of activities being dispatched in the warmth 
of courage and hope and they be forced out with- 
out this warmth, there may accumulate in the 
cellar of personality a deadly depression which 
finds expression in the bitter spirit, in forms of 
worry and of nervousness, in excessive and rest- 
less activities, and finally even, in the explosion of 
despair. 

The Lighting of the Pilot Flame is the Normal 
Religious Experience. 

When there is sufficient emphasis of attention, 
the normal consciousness can tell whether the 
pilot flame is burning, whether the recognition 
of God has been made. When such a recognition 
has not been made, there is a perception of lack. 

Definite memories of religious experiences are 
the incidents of the lighting of the flame. When- 
ever personal responsibility is emerging and is be- 
ginning to control the dispatching of activities, 
the pilot flame may be kindled. The spark that 
shall kindle the flame is received from the burning 
flame of another life. The religious duty of par- 
ents, teachers and pastor ministers is to offer the 
burning flame in their own lives for the kindling 
of the new flames. 



THE TITLE ANALOGY 5 

As the pilot flame may be blown out by a strong 
wind, so the recognition of God may be obliter- 
ated by the winds of doubt or of dissipation. 

As rust may fill the aperture through which 
the power that sustains the pilot flame flows, so 
the cares of this world and the rust of riches may 
stop the possibility of kindling a soul. 

The burning pilot flame furnishes a conscious 
perception. When it is tenderly lighted in child- 
hood days, so that its use is anticipated, its pres- 
ence will be perceived by the heat in the water, 
that is, by the hope and courage that sustains the 
daily activities. 

When the lighting of the flame is delayed and 
is provoked by a great need, or when it is accom- 
plished in a public meeting, there is frequently 
such a perception of outpouring heat and power 
as to make a radical change in consciousness, an 
experience never to be mistaken or forgotten 
throughout a life time. 

Keeping the pilot flame burning is practicing 
the presence of God. The accounts of the use 
of the pilot flame will tell of times when the pres- 
ence was specially apparent, and will also tell of 
occasions when in response to a great need, the 
pilot flame was able to do its work, to meet its 
emergency and supply a great volume of hope and 
courage. 

The analogy of the lighting of the pilot flame 
will readily provide four aspects under which we 
may study such a large number of religious ex- 



6 THE PILOT FLAME 

periences that we may reach the accurate concep- 
tion of the normal case. These aspects are "The 
Child who Conforms;" "The Child who Varies;" 
"Illumination ;" and "The Perception of the Pres- 
ence of God." 

The material for study consists of one hundred 
and eight experiences written in some detail, which 
have been provided by two congregations, one at 
Berkeley, California, and one at Morgantown, 
West Virginia. To these written experiences 
must be added the very much more extensive 
knowledge of cases which has come to a minister 
who is constantly absorbed in the practice of 
lighting pilot flames. Never in the last fifteen 
years has the average number of cases personally 
attended fallen below a hundred. While the 
knowledge gained in practice is undoubtedly used 
in the interpretation of the cases, for the sake of 
great accuracy, the written testimonies of a con- 
siderable number are offered to establish every 
point. 

In both congregations the gathering of the 
experiences was made into a program from which 
followed many benefits in addition to the gather- 
ing of the material. A considerable number of 
the more intellectual type, who are entirely in- 
hibited in the ordinary evangelistic meeting, came 
to that "strange warming of the heart." Emo- 
tions were set flowing, memories were stirred, 
vague aspirations focused upon a realization, 
until the after atmosphere of the church was 



THE TITLE ANALOGY 7 

"better than a revival," as many remarked. 

Many, retarded in their Christian development, 
discovered their condition, and were led to de- 
mand the benefits that have been waiting for them 
out of the royal bounty of the King. It was 
found that the focusing of attention upon the re- 
ligious experience lets loose power, just as the 
contemplation of Jesus produces an impression 
of uplift and of enlightenment ; that the bringing 
out of the storehouse of their memories the ex- 
periences upon which their lives have turned, 
opens for the people the great storehouse of di- 
vine bounty. Where one was sufficiently familiar 
with the pen and sufficiently able to express him- 
self in writing, ten who did not write out their ex- 
perience, were reached and stirred, and induced 
to look back over the way whence they had come. 
In such a program, all the beneficial results of a 
fresh and vital testimony meeting are produced, 
while the depression of worn cant is avoided. 

As significant as the effect upon the people 
should be the effect upon the minister. The ac- 
curate study of cases enables him to lay aside any 
mechanical theories that may have lingered from 
theological school-days. In proportion as his 
knowledge is derived from transpiring cases and 
is accurate, he becomes a soul expert. In the 
care of souls that are in the Way, and in the cure 
of souls that are out of the Way, he comes to 
that firm, yet delicate skill which is in the fingers 
of a great surgeon. 



8 THE PILOT FLAME 

The finding of the accurate facts in regard to 
the normal religious experience waits upon the 
providing of material for study; that is, a suf- 
ficiently large collection of accurately described 
normal experiences. Such a collection must be 
provided by the ministers who have the entrance 
into the souls of their people. 

Much attention has been given to the abnormal 
and exceptional case. We have abundance of evi- 
dence that the power of God can transform the 
gutter drunkard; but we have as yet no accurate 
method of applying this power. 

When Professor William James turned the 
search-light of psychology upon the religious ex- 
perience, "he loaded his lectures with concrete 
examples" but he chose all of his experiences from 
the "extremer expressions" of the religious tem- 
perament. He has largely used the testimony of 
the saints, admitting that because they were a 
specialized class, their experience was abnormal. 
Pie thinks that the religious impulses must be 
combined with common sense to obtain the whole- 
some normal practice. Yet for the successful 
production of this difficult combination, he leaves 
the practicing minister to his own devices. There 
is nowhere provided a clear analysis of the normal 
religious experience. 

Professor Starbuck and Professor Coe have 
each undertaken studies of the religious experi- 
ence, and have gathered such a collection of cases 
as they could obtain. They have succeeded in 



THE TITLE ANALOGY 9 

putting clearly into the minds of all religious 
practitioners at least one important fact — the 
normal time for vivid religious experience is be- 
tween the ages of twelve and twenty. While 
practitioners return thanks to the careful scholars 
for the facts they have established, they need 
more. They need the facts upon which they \ can 
depend for the normal cases. Here the excep- 
tion does not prove the rule. Hard pressed with 
his active practice, the minister needs to have 
worked out for him the steps of the process to be 
definitely expected in the normal case. The av- 
erage minister must practice among the average 
people, with only occasional access to the inhabi- 
tants of the slums below and the saints above. 

This book has been prepared in the hope that 
case gathering will be undertaken by many minis- 
ters, and thus the material needed for accurate 
study provided. The pressure of this hope has 
produced the book. During the six months in 
which scraps of time have been devoted to arrang- 
ing the material, three hundred and sixteen indi- 
viduals have been labored with personally to the 
end that the pilot flame might be lighted within 
their souls, and one hundred and forty-three have 
been carefully prepared by a vital experience and 
by needed instruction for church membership. 
The knowledge already obtained from the com- 
parative study of cases has lent definiteness to 
the work. 

The work of preparing this book has been car- 



10 THE PILOT FLAME 

ried on upon a desk that has so many pigeon 
holes containing the papers referring to the dif- 
ferent interests of the local church that reference 
clippings get lost in the maze. The desk is 
flanked by two constantly ringing telephones, 
so that each paragraph of the book represents 
an interruption. A recent census returned three 
thousand three hundred people who look to this 
church for all of religion they have in their 
lives, and who call upon its minister for funerals, 
weddings, and all of moral help that they use. 
The minister's study door stands open to them 
all; he keeps business hours, and carries forward 
as large a volume of practice as a doctor in light- 
ing pilot flames, in applying prayer to sickness, 
and sympathy to sorrow. If the book has suf- 
fered, the people have not. 

Each of the two congregations from which the 
experiences used for study were gathered, 
neighbored with a state university. In each case 
the university constituency, — faculty families 
and students — numbered perhaps twenty-five per 
cent, of a membership of approximately a thou- 
sand, a little less in one church, a little more in 
the other. In both cases the remaining seventy- 
five per cent, was absolutely democratic, being 
composed of a few men of independent business 
and some means, clerks and office workers, me- 
chanics and working people, including even a 
sprinkling of drunkards, converted and needing 
to be converted. Among the women, who do not 



THE TITLE ANALOGY 11 

outnumber the men, are a few of social efficiency 
and establishment, many capable housekeepers 
doing the work for their own families, school 
teachers, office girls and shop girls, and maids in 
household service. 

While the basis for the case gathering was thus 
democratic, the classification of religious experi- 
ences bears no relation either to degree of attain- 
ment economically, or to intellectual culture. 
After reading the written report of cases, some- 
what more than one hundred in number, and after 
considering the verbal accounts of ten times as 
many experiences, we are forced to the conclusion 
that there is neither male nor female, there is 
neither capable nor inefficient, there is neither edu- 
cated nor uncouth, there is neither sensitive nor 
hardened, in the matter of the religious experi- 
ence. All of these distinctions drop away as ex- 
ternals before the primal nature of the individual. 
With pronouns eliminated and the distinguishing 
clues of penmanship and grammar smoothed out, 
a careful reader would be unable correctly to allot 
the experiences to man and woman, to capable and 
inefficient. In the cases of the cultured and the 
untrained, it must be admitted that, in some in- 
stances, the cultured are able to express them- 
selves in accurate and personal terms, while the 
untrained are largely dependent upon well-worn 
phrases, or phrases suggested by the questions. 
Where the trained minds make use of the well- 
worn or suggested phrases, we may have some 



12 THE PILOT FLAME 

suspicion that the expression is not intimately 
related to the experience. In the cases of un- 
trained minds, the well-worn and suggested 
phrases come out weighted with a depth of emo- 
tionality and personal reality which should not 
be undervalued. If sufficient allowance be made 
for differences in power of expression, we shall be 
forced to the conclusion that the type of the re- 
ligious experience does not depend upon the out- 
ward framework of the life. 

In looking for the true basis for the classifica- 
tion of religious experiences, we are next obliged 
to eliminate the conception that the type of the 
experience determines the after quality of the 
Christian life. A peculiarly vivid experience is 
not necessarily the entrance into a peculiarly ex- 
cellent Christian life. Nor does a peculiarly 
placid experience necessarily mean a devitalized 
Christian life. While the abundance and sin- 
cerity of Christian activities may be offered as 
testimony to the reality of the experience, the 
degree of activity cannot be used as the basis of 
classification of the type of the experience. The 
fervor with which a man courts his sweetheart does 
not determine the degree of comfort and luxury 
which he maintains in his home. His faithful ef- 
forts at maintaining his home, may, however, be 
received as evidence of the sincerity of his court- 
ship, regardless of whether the expression of his 
courtship was fervid or formal. Like courtship, 
the religious experience is an adjustment of re- 



THE TITLE ANALOGY 13 

lationships brought about under the pressure of 
an emotion. Like married life, Christian activity 
is an expression of the sincere acceptance of this 
relationship. 

Nor does the word "temperament" provide any 
accurate basis of classification. Some of the most 
emotional Christians can remember no transform- 
ing single experience. Some of the most matter- 
of-fact and controlled, can remember one vital oc- 
casion when their entire consciousness turned 
over, like a great stone pried from its place. 

There are two normal types of the religious ex- 
perience. One remembers a vivid and never-to-be- 
mistaken occasion, when all inhibitions of unwill- 
ingness being swept away by a strong tide of 
emotionality, an adjustment of relationship with 
God was made. The other type, generally reach- 
ing back into childhood, tells of episodes and of 
occasions when it was realized that God was in 
relationship to the life. This type are frequently 
hazy as to exactly the time at which this relation- 
ship was achieved. 

The religious experience is closely intertwined 
with the emerging of the consciousness of indi- 
viduality, as contrasted with consciousness of 
family and environing institutions, like school and 
church. If individuality emerges from family 
consciousness without friction, a placid religious 
experience will be normal. If there be a friction, 
or a reaction from family ideals, or a lack of 
preparation for emerging individuality, a more 



U THE PILOT FLAME 

climacterical experience may be expected. On 
the flowing river of life, at the point where 
interior responsibility should take control 
of conduct, there is apparently a lock and a dam 
across the stream. A sympathetically wise par- 
ent, or Sunday School teacher, or pastor, may 
succeed in steering childhood consciousness into 
the lock, where it is let down so smoothly into 
adult individuality that the time of the transition 
is not perceived. If this steering is not per- 
formed, a few young spirits may accidentally stray 
into the lock, but it must be expected that the 
majority will go over the dam. Going over the 
dam provides a more vivid sensation than passing 
through the lock. It is not mistaken nor for- 
gotten. 

No superior excellence need be claimed for 
either type of experience. Children whose re-- 
ligious consciousness has been carefully nurtured 
will probably find the passage through the lock 
most pleasing, provided always they are actually, 
steered through the lock, and not left to float on 
the pool of immature consciousness provided by 
the family and church. On the other hand, going 
over the dam has not been found to be either 
dangerous or disastrous. In the cases of that 
large number who have missed careful steering, 
it may be the only available method of securing 
that much needed interior submission to divine 
control, when parental control is breaking up. 
This type of experience will prevail when the 



THE TITLE ANALOGY 15 

Christian family is failing to direct carefully its 
children. 

Both types of experience are normal and ef- 
fective. Let it be clearly perceived that the type 
of experience is an accident of maturing life. He 
who has come through the lock and he who has 
come over the dam should continue on down the 
river of life in the fellowship of mutual respect. 



CHAPTER I 

THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 

The arrival of a baby, trailing clouds of 
vicarious suffering which are coloured with the 
glory of love, sets wide one of life's gateways. 
Just as it is possible to catch an impression of 
glory by keeping close behind some saint who 
passes in at the gate of the celestial city, so it is 
possible to perceive a meaning of life, by being a 
reverent watchman when the gate of entrance is 
thrown open. At this entrance. gate is an altar, 
for an altar is a place where the divine and the 
human meet and mingle. The high functions of 
ministrants before the altar at the entrance gate- 
way of life pertain to the women, the mother lying 
prostrate but triumphant, and the nurse clothed 
with the infallible authority of the pope. By 
meekly lingering around the place where the mys- 
tery has been revealed, the father may find that 
the functions of the altar boy will be allotted to 
him, and he will be permitted to hold the robes, 
and carry some of the vessels used in the tender 
processes of receiving the new comer into life. 
By being faithfully on hand, a father found one 

important office assigned to him, — he was per- 

16 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 17 

mitted to put his big hand under the wobbly little 
head, and support it evenly on that day when the 
baby was first put into the bath-tub. When the 
last baby arrived, having heard the day for this 
event announced, he was on hand, listening with 
all respectful attention to the directions of the 
nurse. The nurse had ministered many times be- 
fore this altar at the entrance gate of life, and 
she discoursed with profound insight upon the 
event about to take place. 

She said the bath should take place when the 
baby was neither hungry nor sleepy, but having 
awakened from a long nap, was ready for a new 
sensation. The water should be minutely ad- 
justed to the temperature of the baby's flesh, and 
the fire should make the air a little warmer, to 
allow for possible chilling by evaporation. Tall 
screens should shut out any possibility of a draft, 
for the roseleaf covering of the baby is abnor- 
mally sensitive. 

The nurse folded a large soft towel and laid it 
in the bottom of the tub. Robes and wrappings 
having been removed, she gently lowered the little 
body, letting my hand support behind the head 
and extend under the uncertain neck. While she 
tossed the water with gentle pattings, I watched 
the blossom face, looking for some sign of stirring 
impressions within. I thought I saw surprise 
and attention flickering there. Then the baby's 
eyes, like two violets with the dew on them, caught 
on my eyes, and pleasure emerged and spread 



18 THE PILOT FLAME 

down to the little mouth, which surely smiled. 

The nurse lifted her carefully and folded her 
into a warm blanket and uttered further words of 
wisdom. 

"It is good that she did not cry. If you are 
careless about the first bath, so that the baby does 
not like it and cries, it will almost surely cry 
every time you bathe it. When I began taking 
care of babies, I thought the water ought to be 
cool to harden them a little, but it is a mistake. 
I took care of a baby that cried every time it 
was bathed and acted as if it were abused. It 
was apparently perfectly well, but the mother 
dreaded so to bathe the baby, that she kept me 
taking care of it. When I left it, the baby was 
more than a year old, but I expect it is crying 
still every time it is bathed. Now I know that 
you cannot be too careful about the first time in 
bathing babies. If the baby likes it, the bathing 
becomes a happy play time for the mother and 
for the baby. But if the baby is frightened at the 
new sensation, the terror may deepen every day, 
and the necessity of the bath becomes a dreaded 
strain upon the mother." 

As each day slipped by, our baby girl affirmed 
the joy of her bath. The wobbly head stiffened 
up on its post, until she could sit up in her tub, 
and had no further use for my supporting hand. 
She would spatter the water with her little palms, 
making bubbles ; then she would catch the floating 
bubbles, and, when they would break, she would 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 19 

laugh with that fresh glee of a soul awakening 
into a beautiful world. 

The mother, sitting by, would laugh too, and 
say, "How different it is from my struggles with 
the boy. He was the first baby, and the nurse 
was not so wise. I can recall that the first time 
she bathed him, the water was a little cool accord- 
ing to her theory of hygiene, and he cried. I 
protested that he looked somewhat blue, but she 
said that he needed to be hardened. Every time 
he was bathed he cried. When the nurse left, and 
I must care for him myself, the bathing was the 
ordeal of the day. Even though he is now a big 
boy, he still dislikes water, and bathing is a duty 
to which I must nag him." 

The little girl proclaims that water is a medium 
soft and delightful, and that bathing has many 
resources of joy. The boy, child of the same 
household, proclaims that water is a source of 
terror, and that bathing is a tyranny inflicted by 
his mother. If you ask the mother, she will tell 
you that bathing is neither for the amusement of 
her little girl, nor for the torment of her boy, 
but it has in both cases the same purpose and de- 
termination of keeping her children clean. "The 
fact that the little girl likes the bath, makes the 
work of keeping her clean, a beautiful fellowship 
of joy. As she grows into the knowledge of tak- 
ing care of herself, she will affirm the goodness of 
the care I have been giving her. The boy troubles 
me. I cannot get his consent to being clean. I 



20 THE PILOT FLAME 

can only hope that when he comes to his maturing 
and begins to be responsible for his own life, that 
he will get a new insight, and come to a convic- 
tion of the need of being clean. I hope that the 
need of being clean will then overcome that early 
association of terror. That first bath, inflicted 
on him by a nurse who had theories of hygiene, 
but who did not observe that a baby is not only 
a body but a sensitive plate receiving indelible 
impressions, makes water with him an association 
of dislike." 

Such wisdom an acolyte can gain while serving 
at the altar of the unfolding of new life. Birth 
is not the beginning of life ; apparently life has 
no beginning. Birth is the coming into a new 
environment and development is the response to 
the new sensations. A number of times human 
life comes into a new environment, although birth 
and death may be the most abrupt of these tran- 
sitions. As the child enters into new ranges of 
sensation, the associations created will be either 
of pleasure and approval, or of terror and dis- 
like. 

During the first five or six years, the child 
unfolds in the pool of the family consciousness, 
soaking up ver} r accurate impressions of what 
the family considers good and what the family 
considers bad. If during this time the family 
religion can have been perceived by him as an 
honoured ideal, so that his associations with re- 
ligion are those of devotion and aspiration, he 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 21 

will always affirm that the practice of worship 
has many resources of joy. When he has at- 
tained the maturity which enables him to know- 
ingly affirm this ideal, this affirmation will be the 
true entrance into the Christian state of being. 

In the cases of the child who conforms, where 
the childhood feeling before the expression of de- 
cision can be remembered, it is spoken of in 
terms of "oughtness" or of "expectation." "I 
knew I ought to be a Christian," or "I always ex- 
pected to become a Christian" are the expres- 
sions generally used. Where the family en- 
thusiastically holds the Christian ideals and sin- 
cerely strives for their every day realization, the 
hope may be cherished that the child will ratify 
these ideals, will conform to the family type, and 
will become that satisfying son, of whom the 
father says, "Thou art ever with me, and all that 
I have is thine." 

At the same time, it must be remembered that 
the Father hath two sons, the one who stays at 
home, and the one who goes into the far country. 
It may be that some theories of doubt held by 
the parents are reflected in impression upon the 
unfolding soul of the child; it may be that some 
lack of respect for the local church provides as- 
sociations of contempt, or it may be that some 
failure of every day realization creates the opin- 
ion of the lack of relation between profession 
and conduct. In some cases the origin of the 
associations of disapproval cannot be traced. 



22 THE PILOT FLAME 

Not perceiving the deeper utilities of the family 
ideals, the child whose individuality is emerging 
may refuse to be cleansed by the applications of 
Christianity. 

Some individualities emerge with so much of 
protest from the pool of the family conscious- 
ness, that they make sweeping rejections. With 
the rejection of the family standards of dress, 
of methods of serving food, of standards of social 
life, there is also a rejection of the habits of re- 
ligious practice. But this rejection may not be 
final. When the time of sweeping rejection has 
passed by, and the judgment has been developed 
to the point of sorting the factors of the family 
consciousness, accepting some and rejecting 
others, there is with remarkable frequency a re- 
newed approval of the family religion. 

If by some accident the child fails to get out 
of the pool of the family consciousness the as- 
sociations of approval, or if he has failed alto- 
gether of Christian nurture, it may yet be 
brought about that at the time of his maturing, 
he may get an insight into the deep utilities of 
the Christian life. This deeper insight will not 
be supplied by the family, but will be opened up 
by some teacher, friend, or preacher. The new 
insight may be a vision vital enough to overcome 
the earlier impressions of disapproval or of in- 
difference. 

Should the child who varies fail of his personal 
experience at the time of his maturing, there is 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 23 

yet another chance. Even if he has gone into 
the far country, and tried to satisfy himself with 
riotous thinking and riotous conduct, there has 
followed him the family faith in God. When 
his decision has been delayed until the second in- 
sight which generally comes between twenty and 
twenty-five, his religious experience is described 
as a return to the family teaching. The expres- 
sion most frequently used is, "I always knew it 
was right." 

Christian nurture sets into life the feeling of 
"oughtness" the consciousness of obligation in 
relation to God. It is the anchor to the soul, 
sure and steadfast, entering to that within the 
veil. However far this anchor may be dragged, 
there is abundant demonstration that in many 
cases it does catch and hold, even after many 
years. 

The impressions built into the growing brain 
go the deepest and remain the longest. In his 
Enquiries into the Human Faculty, F. Galton 
has computed that thirty-nine per cent, of all as- 
sociations of adult mental life were those of child- 
hood, and the associations of recent years were 
very few. This computation may not hold true 
for every person, and yet it gives some idea of the 
abiding hold which childhood impressions have 
upon adult life. 

When the written experiences were sorted, 
si^ty-three were found which make short and 
definite enough mention of the beginning of the 



24* THE PILOT FLAME 

Christian decision, to be used in a study of the 
different types. When these sixty- three experi- 
ences were again sorted as to whether they were 
the experiences of early childhood, or whether 
they belonged to the experiences of youth, it was 
found that thirty-three belonged to early child- 
hood and thirty to the period between ten and 
twenty, one experience of a child of nine being 
included in the mature experiences, because the 
child was evidently matured by seeing the death 
of her mother. When there is added to this 
count, the observations of years of experience, it 
may be claimed that it is not accidental that the 
type of the experience divides about half and 
half. There is the son that stays at home, and 
there is the son that goes into the far country. 

As between California testimonies and those 
from West Virginia, a slight difference in atti- 
tude can be consistently noted. The California 
children felt "they ought to ;" the West Virginia 
children say "they expected to." In the inter- 
pretation of the change from "I ought" to "I ex- 
pected" it may be considered that the size and 
dignity of the Methodist Church as related to 
the whole population, is much weaker in Cali- 
fornia than it is in West Virginia. It may be 
granted that the way the child felt is an accurate 1 
interpretation of the attitude of the parent. 
Where the church is sufficiently strong and main- 
tained with sufficient dignity to be to the people 
the expression of an ideal, the attitude of the 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 25 

people changes from duty to privilege. The en- 
folding feeling which nurtures the child changes 
from "I ought" to "I expected." On the other 
hand, it may be maintained that the response to 
"I ought" provides a more vigorous motive than 
the response to "I expected." 

Another unexpected fact emerges from the 
comparative study of California and West Vir- 
ginia experiences. Twenty-seven of the early 
childhood experiences come from West Virginia, 
and only six from California. This is an unex- 
pected fact, because Methodism in West Virginia 
still very largely takes its ideals from the early 
days, and heartily believes in a vivid religious ex- 
perience to be obtained by the way of the altar, 
at about the age of sixteen. So hearty is the 
approval of the vivid type of experience that a 
number mention wistfully that they have never 
been able to obtain it, although they made faith- 
ful trial of the altar. In eight cases it is men- 
tioned that although it was definitely sought, no 
additional experience could be obtained at the 
altar. 

In West Virginia, Methodism is now an hon- 
orable inheritance, sometimes amounting to a 
family pride. The growing child finds this atti- 
tude in the family consciousness, and so early 
ratifies it with his approval, that the later and 
approved experience becomes impossible for him. 
In California, Methodism has not as yet the 
strength of many traditions, nor is there the 



26 THE PILOT FLAME 

general approval of the altar experience. Never- 
theless, the majority of its experiences tell of the 
more vivid type, attained between twelve and 
twenty. 

Where a church is established and is sustaining 
itself with sufficient devotion and integrity to 
have the unqualified approval of its members, the 
general type of experience which may be expected 
in the children which it nurtured, is that of rati- 
fication of the family ideals. Where the par- 
ticular church is a break with the established ex- 
pressions of religion, a reaction from practices al- 
ready existing, the more vivid and individual type 
of experience is most prevalent. 

Under ten, the religious experience is the ap- 
proval of the family ideals brought to the point 
of decision and public expression. The principle 
upon which childhood experiences should be classi- 
fied is the degree and kind of approval manifested 
by the child, coupled with a study of the inci- 
dents and feelings which brought about this ap- 
proval. It is as well worth while to put the 
child down tenderly into the great new experience 
of self-consciousness, as it is to put the baby 
down tenderly into the experience of the bath. 
It is as important that this new experience be 
associated with pleasure and that it meet with 
his approval, as it is that the baby be pleased 
with its bath. The memory impressions, prob- 
ably retained throughout life, are forever stained 
with these first associations. The roseate glow 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 27 

of affection and of faith, or the blue of criticism 
and the gray of doubt, flowing from the mind of 
the mother provide those dyes upon the con- 
sciousness of the child which are never faded 
or eliminated. 

The thirty-three experiences to be studied are 
those colored with the roseate glow of affection 
and faith. They put the crown of glory upon 
"mother." She it is who so genuinely lived her 
Christian life, and who so glorified God, that her 
emotion of approval was transferred to her child. 

The standpoint from which the under-ten-years- 
of-age experiences are to be studied, is the de- 
gree of warmth with which the family ideals are 
affirmed. Five degrees in this warmth may be 
clearly enough marked off to describe the varia- 
tions of the affirmation. 

1. The first of these degrees is expressed by 
the words, occurring in a number of the testi- 
monies, "I never thought of anything else." For 
these the doctrine of the Fatherhood of God has 
never been an ideal nor an illustration, but a fact 
as genuine as their earthly parentage. You 
would have the same difficulty in persuading them 
that they are not Christians as you would have 
in persuading them that they are not the chil- 
dren of their own father and mother. They at- 
tend the church services as they do the family 
meals ; they take the services as theirs b}^ right, 
and go through with them without particular 
comment, or with criticism if they happen to de- 



28 THE PILOT FLAME 

sire something else, just as the indulged child 
set securely in the midst of his home, thought- 
lessly eats his meals, or secure in the feeling of 
his father's house, demands something else his ap- 
petite may fancy. Nearly one-third of the child- 
hood testimonies belong to this degree of affirma- 
tion. This type of religious experience may be 
called "The Son who is at Home." Ten cases 
will be given, showing the feeling of those who 
abide among their own people. 

A. "I was reared in a Christian home and have 
always felt that I wanted to be a Christian, from 
the earliest moment I can remember having thought 
upon such matters. My father was the superinten- 
dent of the Sunday School, and never thought of al- 
lowing his children to remain away from church or 
Sunday School, if it was possible for us to go. I 
was about eight years old when I was received into 
the church. I remember it very distinctly. I had 
a feeling that I was taking a step which meant that 
I should live a good life, and try to do as Jesus 
wanted me to do. I always looked upon the Church 
and Sunday School with about the same idea that I 
did eating and sleeping, or the day school, so far 
as it being a part of my life is concerned. I never 
thought of anything else, but that it was the thing for 
me, until I was well along in my teens and commenced 
associating with boys who were indifferent to such 
things." 

B. "I was raised in a Christian home where the 
family altar was made sacred. I was taken to church 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 29 

and Sunday School before I was able to go volun- 
tarily ; as I grew up the habit was formed, and church 
attendance was a matter of course. There was a 
period in my childhood when it was a strange pleas- 
ure to me to attend the old peoples' class-meeting 
and midweek prayer-meeting. I attended these with 
my father, and remember an unusual attractiveness 
about them. But I overheard an elderly woman say 
to another that I was a very good child, to be at those 
meetings. This notion stuck in my memory, and I 
began to think perhaps I was unnaturally good. I 
do not know how this influenced my later experience, 
but as I grew into young womanhood these services 
lost their charm." 

The episode of the liking for the class-meeting, 
and the way in which the child's feeling was 
changed so that this liking was destroyed is 
worthy of study because it is a little window 
opened into the soul of a child. The child en- 
joyed the meetings which presumably were 
adapted to the older people, just as a child fre- 
quently gets more enjoyment out of some slight 
participation in the occupations of grown people 
than out of playing with toys. It may be justly 
questioned whether the most carefully adjusted 
kindergarten occupation provides the child with 
so great pleasurable interest as a part in the 
economic life of the home. Does not picking 
feathers off a chicken provide the child with as 
much interest as threading straws and colored 
papers on a string? Is it not more interesting 



30 THE PILOT FLAME 

to sort apples, than it is to sort colored beads? 
Is it not more wholesome to shell peas for dinner 
than it is to stick tooth-picks into dried peas for 
the purpose of constructing a rickety model of 
furniture? Is not the felt need for kindergarten 
work, for manual training, for boy movements, 
the restlessness caused by the failure to involve 
the child in the economic life of the family? Is 
it not chores the child needs rather than move- 
ments? Involved in the same circle of ideas, is 
the attempt to elaborately adapt the religious 
exercise to the supposed interest of the child. 
Is not stretching one of the most wholesome of 
exercises? Is not stretching the mind and the 
religious feeling to reach the more mature com- 
prehension the best method of promoting growth? 
In recent autobiographies by Jane Addams and 
by Harriet Beecher Stowe, both of these great 
and splendid women dwell upon that feature of 
their early training which shows that their fathers 
thrust upon them the garments of large and ma- 
ture thinking, regardless as to whether or not 
these garments should fit, and in both cases they 
remember that the maturing of their minds was 
the stretching to fit these garments. The child 
whose growing consciousness is associated with 
flimsy toys learns not strong structure. Religion 
is so largely feeling and association, that the wis- 
dom of providing the children with the flimsy toys 
of elaborately graded lessons may be gravely 
questioned. 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 31 

By looking through the window into the soul 
of the child opened by the episode of attending 
class-meeting, another fact of the consciousness 
of children may be perceived. The comment of 
the elderly woman, as to her being a very good 
child, while on the surface fair sounding words, 
was evidently uttered out of a feeling of con- 
tempt for an abnormal child. It was the woman's 
feeling and not her words which stuck in the soul 
of the child. The words contradicted the feel- 
ing, and yet it was the impression of the feeling 
that influenced the child for many years, and 
finally entirely took away her pleasure in a re- 
ligious exercise she had enjoyed. In selecting 
teachers for children, let it be remembered that the 
dispatching energy of moral or religious influence 
is the strength of the emotion of approval for 
religious faith and practice, rather than skill in 
the use of words. 

So much for a glimpse into the window inci- 
dentally opened into the soul of the child. The 
return will now be made to the discussion of the 
consciousness of the "Son who is at Home." 

C. "I think I have always been a Christian. I 
can remember when a very small child, hearing a dear 
old grandmother read out of the Bible. At the ac- 
count of the crucifixion the tears would stream down 
my cheeks, and I would say, 'Ob, how could they kill 
such a dear loving Saviour. I could not, for I love 
Him.' I felt an anxiousness to protect Him." 



32 THE PILOT FLAME 

D. "What made me become a Christian was be- 
cause I had good Christian parents and was taught 
to love Jesus as soon as I could understand anything. 
I always went to Sunday School and church." 

The above experiences were all prepared by 
middle aged people, looking back upon their early 
impressions. The following is a testimony of the 
unbroken Christian consciousness prepared by a 
schoolgirl, who has to look back over a space of 
seven years, and who can be expected to have re- 
tained accurate impressions. 

E. "I grew up in a Christian family, church and 
Sunday School. I was always taught to do what 
was right, and at an early age I became a Christian. 
Soon after I j oined the church with a feeling of peace 
and joy. I have enjoyed very greatly my seven 
years of Christian life. I get the most feeling that 
God is near in song and from preaching. I also 
love to read the Bible, the best of all books. My re- 
ligious experience is very valuable to me, and I would 
not, if I could, exchange it for anything in the world." 

Following are a few short expressions, marked 
by the fact that the Christian consciousness goes 
back into such early associations that the time of 
its beginning cannot be remembered. They are 
testimony to the accuracy with which a very little 
child can enter into the Christian perception. 
The little son of the parsonage went to Sunday 
School for the first time when he was three years 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 33 

old. He returned with a picture of the Good 
Shepherd carrying the lamb in his bosom. Anx- 
ious to know how much such a little child might 
truly apprehend, I took him on my lap and asked 
him to tell what the picture was about. Without 
prompting or suggestion, he told the following 
story about the picture. "Little baa sheep get 
lost. Little baa sheep all the same me. Little 
baa sheep, he cry, hard, 'cause he get lost. Jesus 
man come along and find him, and take him up 
in his arms and carry him home to his mamma." 
Was not the whole plan of salvation correctly 
apprehended? The sensation of being lost and 
its woe ; the work of the Jesus man who comes 
and finds, the joy of being found, of being carried 
and kept, and finally of being delivered safe in 
the place of abiding affection, does the oldest and 
wisest any more correctly apprehend the gospel 
of salvation? The babies who are put down with 
tender nurture into the bath of the Christian con- 
sciousness will say, "I cannot remember the time 
when it was not understood by me." 

F. "I cannot remember the time when I did not 
feel that I was responsible to God for all my acts, 
and that these would be rewarded or punished." 

G. "From childhood I have felt the necessity of 
trying to be good. I can remember worrying when 
not more than six because I thought I did not love 
God enough." 



34 THE PILOT FLAME 

H. "I cannot remember when I was not a Chris- 
tian." 

1. "I think I must always have been a Christian.*' 

J. "I always felt that I ought to be a Christian, 
as far back as I can remember. I do not remember 
to have had any special experience. I was brought 
up in a Christian family and very early learned what 
it meant to be a Christian. My mother was a very 
devoted woman and used to take me to the class-meet- 
ing, which I enjoyed very much. I had a feeling 
of relief when I united with the church, as though I 
had done something that I knew to be right." 

2. We come now to consider the second de- 
gree of warmth with which the Christian ideals 
are ratified. As might be anticipated, this degree 
is very similar to the unbroken Christian con- 
sciousness, and yet it is different because it is dis- 
tinguished by a point of definite decision, or the 
expectation of a decision, which the child dis- 
tinctly remembers. These testimonies were pre- 
pared by people in middle life, and it is remark- 
able that the details are remembered with such 
accuracy after many years. This type of testi- 
mony is marked by the words, "I always expected" 
or "it seemed right," and may be called "They 
who Expect Christ." 

A. The first testimony of "They who Ex- 
pected Christ" was prepared by a Christian busi- 
ness man of good success, who is an exceptionally 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 35 

sweet and sincere Christian, who can be relied 
upon to take a large and gracious part in the 
prayer-meeting, in the collection, and in the so- 
cial occasion. The possession of a few of his type 
gives any church sure foundations. 

"I well remember a certain Sunday morning, when 
the rest of the family all went to church, but I re- 
mained home with mother. I sat by her knee, while 
she told me in as few and simple words as possible 
what it meant to be a Christian, and the reasons 
why Christians should belong to the church. She 
asked me if I loved Jesus, and if I wanted to join 
the church. It seemed perfectly clear that it was 
the right thing to do, and so I did it. Before taking 
this step, however, mother read as many of the rules 
of the church as she thought I could understand and 
explained in outline the church organization and his- 
tory. I remember a feeling of real joy when I joined 
the church. I was about eight years old at this time." 

B. A vigorous woman, of the duty-doing 
type: 

"As I grew up in a Christian family, I felt it my 
duty to become a Christian also. I had no specially 
vivid experience, but at the time of being received 
into the church, I felt that I belonged to God. Many 
times since, I have experienced greater joy and peace. 
I always feel that whatever I do, or wherever I go, 
God is with me." 

C. The following is a testimony prepared by 



36 THE PILOT FLAME 

a woman of deep intellectuality and delicate feel- 
ing. It is a mixed experience of early religious 
consciousness, confirmed and deepened by the 
later personal realization. This experience and 
the one which immediately follows, may be said 
to be classic types of the normal experience, for 
the children who have received tender Christian 
nurture. There is no morbidness, and yet 
there is attained at the time of maturing the 
genuine depth of personal realization, which is 
the Christian assurance. 

"Having grown up in a family of strong Christian 
belief, I cannot remember when I did not feel deeply 
the necessity of some day consecrating myself to 
Christ. At sixteen years of age I went forward to 
the altar at a revival meeting; but not until I reached 
home, and had been some time in the quiet of my own 
room, and after continued prayer and consecration, 
did peace come to my soul. Christ's presence was as 
real to me as the presence of an earthly friend is 
real to the senses. Since then, especially when the 
stress of life has been great, I have gone to Him with 
an absolute trust in His comfort and guidance, and 
He never fails me. Nothing can shake my faith, 
for I know that my Redeemer liveth." 

D. As the above experience may be said to 
be the ideal normal experience for the daughter of 
the Christian household, the following may be said 
to be the good normal experience for the son. 
The experience that occurs in the second decade 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 37 

of life is given with these two because it is closely 
associated with and naturally growing out of the 
consciousness of the first decade. This is as it 
should be. The testimony which follows was pre- 
pared by a lawyer, of education and keen critical 
mental efficiency. 

"I grew up in a Christian home under the influence 
of a Christian mother. She started me right in my 
infancy and she has done more to keep me right from 
that time until the present than any other human 
influence. I always expected to become a Christian, 
but did not take the first important step until I was 
on a sick bed. I then and there made a solemn vow 
to God that if he brought me through that sickness, 
I would make a public confession and join the church 
at the first opportunity. This I did, during the fol- 
lowing revival services, held in the little church in 
the community. I did not want to go to the altar 
and believed that if there was such a thing as instant 
conversion I could be converted in my seat. Upon 
this belief I decided to test the matter. After a 
short time in earnest prayer upon my knees with God, 
a sudden change came over me. My whole being 
seemed to be lighted and everything about me was 
bright and beautiful. My soul was filled with joy 
and there was a satisfying something that made me 
supremely happy. I then went to the altar and pub- 
licly proclaimed that I was converted. God answered 
my prayer in that meeting and I have been able to 
recognize his answer to my prayers at different times 
since. I believe in a personal God and try to practice 
Paul's saying, T can do all things through Christ 



38 THE PILOT FLAME 

which strengthened me/ I have received the great- 
est blessings when I realized that my prayers were 
answered." 

Here are two whose conduct is controlled by 
early Christian nurture, but who were not quite 
satisfied with their personal ratification. The 
total collection of experiences yields a consider- 
able number who confess to this feeling. They 
should be ranked as cases which somehow failed 
of their normal development. They should be 
bidden to strive and seek until they found a satis- 
fying personal religious consciousness. 

E. "It was my blessed privilege to have a Chris- 
tian father and mother, who, ever since I can remem- 
ber, taught me to read God's word and to pray. I 
do not remember when I did not say my prayers. 
If at any time I neglected to do so, when I awoke my 
neglect would come to my mind, and then I would 
begin to pray. Many times I have gone back to sleep 
repeating the Lord's prayer. When between ten and 
eleven years old, I decided to become a Christian. I 
went to the altar but was not satisfied. I however 
was taken into the church." 

F. "I grew up in a Christian home and grew 
naturally to look upon church membership as the 
right and natural thing, so I joined the church with- 
out any very vivid experiences, and for several years 
drifted along about as I had before I joined the 
church." (Follow years of drifting, with no sus- 
taining consciousness of religion.) 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 39 

Then there is an account of a recent return, 
which will be found under the mature experiences, 
as it does not apparently grow out of the earlier 
consciousness but is a fresh experience. 

G. "I joined the church when still a boy, because 
it seemed natural and right. But I do not date my 
Christian experience from that time." 

A similar case where the years of drifting ap- 
parently separate the childhood consciousness and 
the mature experience. 

We have now set forth two of the types of child- 
hood consciousness, The Son who is always at 
home and knows no point of deeper decision, and 
they who retain the childhood consciousness, in 
some cases deepening into a personal assurance 
by a conscious decision, and in others drifting 
into vagueness only to be recalled by a vivid ma- 
ture experience. The next degree of the warmth 
of the ratification of the Christian ideals may be 
gathered around the feeling of "privilege." 
These are cases where the Christian ideals are re- 
ceived not only from the family, but from the 
church and outside Christian people, so that the 
ratification of them means the relating of the 
child's life to a larger ideal. In the first two 
types, the ideals were accepted, or it was expected 
that they would be accepted. There is a greater 
degree of warmth in the realization of a privilege. 
Somewhat the same shade of difference in general 



40 THE PILOT FLAME 

feeling may be noticed in relation to the ideal of 
marriage as between people raised under the 
ideals of New England and those growing up 
under the ideals of the South. Most young peo- 
ple in New England will regard marriage as an 
expectation or as a duty; most young people in 
the South will regard marriage as an attainment, 
an accomplishment, a privilege. These same 
shades of feeling, which are the expression of 
many influences and ideals, may be detected in re- 
lation to the ratification of Christian nurture. 

A. "My parents were Christians. I remember 
from my childhood days, my mother's prayers and 
songs, how sweet they were to me. I thought Chris- 
tian people were the most beautiful on earth." 

B. "I was sent to Sunday School very young. I 
only had a mile to go and I went every Sunday that 
it was not raining, and I always loved to go. I had 
a good teacher. I knew that she loved everyone in 
her class. When I was about sixteen, we had a big 
meeting and I joined the church." 

C. "It was the influence of Christian people, and 
class-meeting and a certain teacher that led me to 
become a Christian." 

D. "I was raised in the country, by Christian 
parents and was taken to church and Sunday School 
when possible. From my first recollection it was my 
desire to become a Christian and to join the church. 
I always wanted to go to church." 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 41 

E. "I grew up in a Christian family, went to 
church and Sunday School, felt and knew that the best 
people were in the church, and never had much 
thought of sin. At the age of thirteen, I was per- 
suaded by a well meaning but too persistent woman 
to go to the altar in a revival meeting. More to 
get rid of her than because I felt burdened with sin, 
for I was then too young to realize what worldly sin 
was, I did go to the altar. God was always real to me, 
but after that service I felt no nearer to Him than be- 
fore. I think God gradually came to me. Though 
I cannot say that I ever had any vivid experience, 
or felt any great relief or joy on being received into 
the church, yet there is no doubt in my mind to-day 
that I belong wholly to God, and that he grows nearer 
and dearer to me every year." 

It will be noticed in this case that such is the 
sense of fellowship in the church, that there is a 
certain resentment of the implication that an en- 
trance needed to be gained by way of the altar. 
The feeling is that since I am already going in 
and out by way of the door into the sheepfold, it 
is ridiculous for me to try to climb over the wall. 

There remain two more degrees of the warmth 
of the affirmation, these two degrees being closely 
related and yet it being possible to detect a de- 
gree of difference in the feeling. The first af- 
firms, "I believe in my family," and the second, 
"I believe in my mother." There are five experi- 
ences to demonstrate each of these degrees. 
When family pride arises out of worthy ideals, it 



42 THE PILOT FLAME 

is certainly a sustaining enthusiasm, putting a 
wholesome pressure upon the actions of its mem- 
bers. 

If the first interest in a needed activity fails, 
the best induced interest is certainly the pressure 
of family affection. This duty of the family to 
put the pressure of its affections and expecta- 
tions upon its members should be clearly recog- 
nized. 

When water pressure is needed at the individ- 
ual faucet, the large tank with which it is con- 
nected is filled. When the pressure of the whole- 
some emotions is needed behind the activities of 
the individual, this pressure may be supplied by 
filling the tank of the family affection. How 
genuinely effective a pressure of this kind may be 
is shown by these testimonies. 

A. "My grandparents were pioneer Methodists, 
and allied themselves in early life with the 'people of 
God called Methodists/ their home being the stopping 
place of the itinerants. In early life my blessed 
mother also became a Methodist. She could not have 
done otherwise, raised as she was with the doctrines of 
the Church, the Christian example of holy living 
and service to Christ with which she came in daily 
contact in the lives of her consecrated parents. They 
constantly admonished her that her first duty was to 
her Heavenly Father, that she must seek first the 
Kingdom of Heaven and His righteousness, all things 
necessary being then given unto her. She lived well 
her Christian life, as did also her brothers and sis- 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 43 

ters. They all emulated the Christian life that was 
brought to bear so strongly in that Methodist home. 
My mother has recently passed over; the beautiful 
tributes paid to her life from so many sources show 
her fidelity to home, to the church and its work. 
These tributes are my precious heritage. These 
things urged me to identify myself with the church 
of God at the age of sixteen. I am trusting that some 
of the consecration of these lives of my parents may 
be mine, and that I may one day clasp hands with the 
blessed ones who have preceded me to the Beyond. 
" 'It seemeth such a little way to me 
Across to that strange country, the Beyond, 
And yet not strange, for it has grown to be 
The home of those of whom I am so fond; 
They make it seem familiar and most dear, 
As j ourneying friends bring distant countries near.' " 

B. "It seems a long time ago, in a Christian 
family, that the faith seeds were sown, and it seems 
a long time since they ripened into strong convictions 
that have remained unshattered. The memory of 
peace comes back as I recall the time when the 
Church received me. I believe that I belong to the 
Kingdom of God, for 'It is your Father's good pleas- 
ure to give you the Kingdom.' To go on trusting 
gives such sweet peace. The instincts of my soul 
convince me that we live again, that we are something 
more than mere matter, that if we live the best we 
know how, this very life will be glorified." 

C. "I was raised up in a Christian family, and no 
words can tell how thankful I am that such was the 



44 THE PILOT FLAME 

case. I cannot remember when I started to Sunday 
School, so I must have been very young. I had never 
thought of anything else than being a Christian. " 

The following two are a reflection of the feel- 
ing that a Heavenly Father is put in the place of 
an earthly father who is lost by death, combined 
with the feeling of cherishing the ideals of that 
father. This is a powerful emotional condition, 
as every practicing minister knows. The feeling 
of the obligation to cherish the family ideals, if 
it is tenderly approached, often furnishes an 
abundant entrance for the son. 

D. "From a little child my Christian mother 
taught me to pray and read the Bible; also, to attend 
Sabbath School. My father died when I was small. 
I never knew the love of an earthly father, but my 
Heavenly Father has never left nor forsaken me. 
When I was twelve years old, I joined the church. 
I can remember very distinctly the hymn that was 
sung when I joined the church. It was fifty years 
ago. I have never felt like turning back. God has 
taken one by one my kind friends, and I am getting 
lonely. Yet I can say, 'Praise His Holy Name.' " 

E. "My father died a few months after my birth. 
My sainted mother was a good Christian woman — one 
of the salt of the earth — and to her, under God, I 
owe all that I am. She led me by the hand to church, 
Sunday School, and the class-meeting long before I 
can recollect. She taught me that God was my heav- 
enly Father — that he loved me and would take care 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 45 

of me. I had nothing of doubt or of unbelief with 
which to contend. My mother was my oracle, and 
the Bible as she taught it to me was infallible. I 
early learned to 'trust and obey' and now, after more 
than fifty years of service, I realize that there is no 
other way to be happy in Jesus but to love and obey." 

5. With very slight transition, we pass to 
the feeling, "I believe in mother." The first case 
quoted is that of a University professor, a man 
now in middle life. It is a remarkable testimony 
to the strength of those early feelings which 
flowed from the influence of "mother." Amid all 
the myriad intellectual experiences that have since 
been passed through, amid all the currents of 
thought and feeling that have flowed over such a 
life, that fundamental confidence in mother re- 
mains. Mother so tenderly put that child down 
into the bath of life, into the consciousness of the 
reality of God, that he has ever since claimed that 
consciousness with joy. 

A. "I was raised in a Christian family. The 
prominent and ever present thought that decided me 
to become a Christian was the memory of a true 
Christian mother in heaven, whom I believed and 
still believe to be watching over me, and whom I 
wished to see and to be with again after this world's 
life is over. I do not recall any particular feeling 
on joining the church." 

This case tells of a recent experience, upon the 



46 THE PILOT FLAME 

occasion of the death of a dear friend. Here is 
a man with a trained mind. Yet it is evident 
that his access to God is through the doorway of 
his personal affections. When one greatly be- 
loved passes over, he follows on a little way 
through the gate into the celestial city. 

B. Here is another case very similar, an edu- 
cated man serving in the University, who feels 
that the "noetic" processes of his mind predomin- 
ate over the emotional, who deceives himself into 
thinking that he is controlled by his reasoning 
powers because he does not realize his emotions in 
a focal center. Yet through all the years of his 
"noetic" processes the associated feeling which 
flowed from the lives of his parents, follows and 
holds him and controls his actions. From a sense 
of duty, he engages in daily prayer. That sense 
of controlling obligation, put into his conscious- 
ness from the lives of his parents, is now inter- 
preted by him as a persistent and enduring obli- 
gation. So much more persistent is the associa- 
tion of feeling with that early bath of the con- 
sciousness of God into which his mother put him, 
than all the "noetic processes" to which he has 
since been subjected. 

"I became a Christian and a member of the church 
because of parental training. I have never had any 
vivid religious experiences, due probably to the fact 
that the noetic processes of my soul predominate to 
a marked degree over the emotional processes, and 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 47 

consequently determine the course of action to that 
degree. 

"Between the ages of seventeen and twenty-three, 
I tried to experience conversion at the altar on three 
or four different occasions, and finally came to the 
conclusion that I could not; that is, sudden conver- 
sion. So, believing it to be the proper thing to do, 
I joined the church. While I have not walked closely 
in the footsteps of Christ, nor even seriously at- 
tempted it, I have tried to live a Christian life from 
a rational point of view. From a sense of duty, I 
engage in daily prayer. 

"The religious feelings are excited in my soul most 
vividly and perhaps most naturally by scenes of na- 
ture; the green fields, the blue sky, the singing birds, 
especially in springtime." 

Here are added two simple testimonies that yet 
lead directly back to the feeling of confidence in 
parents : 

C. "I was early trained to attend church and re- 
spect Christian obligations by a Godly father and 
mother. My father was most earnest in Christian 
work, and had passed to his reward a short time be- 
fore my conversion. I have always thought that the 
work of the Holy Spirit in my heart was the result 
of the prayers of father and mother." 

D. "My mother was a good Christian woman, 
and took pains to train her children, and in early 
childhood I felt God's influence upon my heart. That 
is the influence which has been with me all my life. 
It has never changed." 



48 THE PILOT FLAME 

For the last of the testimonies which ratify 
the family ideals has been saved the experience 
of a Christian whose life is a particularly perfect 
and beautiful fruit of the spirit. Those who de- 
fine the religious experience as a realization of the 
religious emotions in a focal center, will deny that 
the ratification of the family ideal is a saving 
religious experience. They will say those people 
who have written these experiences have never 
been converted. The reply is that the focal cen- 
ter definition of conversion is too narrow. By 
their fruits ye shall know them. The lives of 
these people are all well and familiarly known, 
and they present as good fruits of the spirit as 
we are able to find in the churches. Probably 
more than one-half of the people in the churches 
are being sustained in their Christian life by this 
type of experience. 

The testimony about to be quoted was pre- 
pared by a young man who undertakes personal 
sacrifice with that zest which shows it to be so 
fundamental as to be natural with him. With 
plain toil he is supporting a widowed mother and 
taking care of sisters, while at the same time he 
is educating himself for a beautiful and self-sac- 
rificing work. On last Memorial Day, we ob- 
served him as the old soldiers passed by. 
Totally absorbed in the sentiment of patriotic de- 
votion, he stood with his hat off, the utmost ex- 
pression of reverent admiration transforming his 
strong face. He might well be described as 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 49 

"child of the promise" to whom pertaineth the 
adoption, and the glory, and the covenants and 
the giving of the law, and the service of God and 
the promises ; whose are the fathers, and of whom 
as, concerning the flesh, Christ came, who is over 
all, God blessed forever." 

"I was reared in a Christian home where the chil- 
dren were surrounded by every influence that tended 
to direct their lives heavenward. In my home there 
has always been a family altar, a reverence for the 
Sabbath day and for God's holy name, and a love for 
the Bible and its teachings, the Sunday School and the 
preaching services. 

"These hallowed influences of my home together 
with the association of friends, whom I knew walked 
and talked with God, made my conversion a gradual 
process in my life, rather than a sudden event at a 
special revival meeting. So gradual was the process 
that I have feared at times that perhaps I was not 
born again. But when I remember that Jesus said 
'whosoever believeth on Me shall not perish but have 
everlasting life,' I am reassured and comforted, for 
I do believe in Him and love Him so much that my 
daily prayer is that my thoughts, words and deeds 
may become day by day, more like the thoughts, 
words and deeds of Jesus my Master. 

"Fourteen years ago this coming Easter, I was 
taken into the church. At that time I experienced 
great joy and peace. Many times since then, and 
especially at the Easter services, I have felt that 
same joy and peace." 

In the cases where the religious experience is 



50 THE PILOT FLAME 

the ratification of the family ideals, the joining 
of the church is the remembered and significant 
event by which this ratification was publicly ex- 
pressed. The children of the Christian house- 
holds should be received into the church with the 
utmost tenderness, reverence and ceremony. 
Everything that can be done should be done to 
enable them to remember that it was an occasion 
to them of stately beauty and deep significance. 
It should certainly be attended with as much 
care, tenderness and ceremony as the putting of 
the new born baby into the bath tub. It is an 
event attended with far reaching significance. If 
this public consent to the obligations of the Chris- 
tian ideal is with reverent enthusiasm, it will give 
the child new born into the larger household of 
faith the associations of joy and of confidence. 
Forever after he will assert that the church is 
good, that it is his, and he likes it. The minister 
can take a lesson from the experienced nurse. 
He can select the favoring moment when the soul 
is beginning to venture out a little from the small 
pool of the family consciousness ; he can prepare 
his altar with as much care as the nurse tests 
the water; he can see that all occasion of fear 
or perception of strangeness is removed ; he can 
receive his children as into their Father's house, 
and he can in some way make the event so signifi- 
cant in their minds that they will forever associate 
with it reverent joy. 

After several attempts at entering into this 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 51 

wisdom received from the trained nurse, there was 
achieved a few months ago, an occasion of such 
tender beauty and far reaching significance that 
everyone present felt that glory shone around. 
It enabled the minister to enter into that feeling 
of Almighty God, when he looked back upon the 
the work of his week of creation and said, "Be- 
hold, it is very good !" 

Special meetings in the afternoons were con- 
ducted by the minister for his church children. 
In groups they came to the altar, so that there 
might not be fear, but individually they conse- 
crated themselves, and of their own free will and 
earnest purpose, accepted the obligations of the 
Christian life. The minister then went into each 
home, to tell the parents that the child, having 
begun the Christian life, needed their sympathy 
and sustaining help, and in token that this help 
would be given, it was expected that they would 
come and stand behind their child, when the chil- 
dren were received into the church. It was found 
in a considerable number of cases that one par- 
ent, and sometimes both parents were not them- 
selves Christians. Their little children led them. 
They were converted and prepared for church 
membership along with their children. 

On the appointed day the great altar of the 
church was crowded closely full, one hundred and 
thirty-nine, each one tenderly and carefully pre- 
pared to say the great "I will" to the undertak- 
ing of the Christian obligations. It was then an- 



52 THE PILOT FLAME 

nounced that the parents who would undertake 
to sustain these children in the practice of Chris- 
tian lives, would come and stand behind them, and 
the great throng of parents entirely filled the al- 
tar space. The ritual was rendered to the under- 
standing of the children, and then one by one, in- 
dividually and carefully the minister gave them 
the right hand of fellowship, and at the same 
time put into their hand a beautiful booklet, with 
scripture verses for each day of the year, telling 
them to keep it under their pillow, or on their 
bureau, or in their pocket, where it might be had 
for daily reading. 

During the first ten years of life the family 
has the opportunity of presenting its Christian 
convictions with such integrity of conduct and 
such enthusiasm of devotion, as to provide an 
ideal for emerging individualities. If the chil- 
dren can remember that of their own free will and 
good pleasure they ratified these ideals, it will be 
the sufficient authority in many cases to con- 
trol them all their lives. If the individual con- 
sciousness grows up out of the family conscious- 
ness without break or friction, it may be ex- 
pected that no vivid crucial experience will be 
had. If the ratification of the family ideals has 
been with enthusiasm, it will be confidently claimed 
that ready access to God is enjoyed. The sus- 
taining joy and peace of the daily life, the re- 
source of consolation in time of sorrow, the opti- 



THE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 53 

mistic outlook on daily toil, are not these the 
tokens that the pilot flame is lighted; that the 
power of God does flow permeating all the daily 
life with hope and courage? During the first 
ten years, the family bears the torch of eternal 
life. Theirs is the first opportunity to light in 
the oncoming generation the flame of divine life. 



CHAPTER II 

THE CHILD WHO VARIES 

The two great habits of life are conformity to 
the parental life and variation from the parental 
life. In two hours you can see these two habits 
of life enacted by a single cell vorticella, in a drop 
of water on a slide under a microscope. The 
vorticella is shaped like a bell, attached by a stalk 
to a bit of weed or other substance. When you 
first see it, it is bobbing gayly on the stalk wav- 
ing the fringe of pretty cilia that are around 
the rim of the bell and that are the arms that 
gather in food. As you watch, the bell broadens 
and divides down the middle, until there are two 
little bells swinging on the stalk. Of these, one 
is like the parent and remains attached to the 
stalk. The other, while still attached to the 
parent stalk, develops a circle of cilia near the 
base. When these are ready, this little bell 
breaks away and goes skurrying around bumping 
itself against the limits of the water drop, break- 
ing and bending its pretty cilia on every piece 
of weed, testing, trying every place in its uni- 
verse of the water drop. Finally it attaches it- 
self by its base to some preferred bit of weed, 
it loses the extra cilia and grows a stalk by the 
elongation of its base. It becomes a vorticella 

54 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 55 

similar to the parent, bobbing on its stalk, 
gathering in food. 

The religious experience during the first ten 
years of life is developed on the parental stalk; 
probably about half remain attached to the pa- 
rental stalk. By a more or less enthusiastic rati- 
fication of mother's religion, access is obtained to 
the consciousness of the sustaining affection and 
power of God. The other half break away from 
the parental stalk, and go skurrying around, 
bumping themselves against the limit of their 
universe, examining, testing, rejecting, until at 
last they find that which appeals to them as good. 
They here attach themselves, grow their stalk and 
gather in their food, and approximate the paren- 
tal type. 

During the first decade of life the influence of 
"mother" is supreme. During the second decade 
it is startling to discover that this influence is 
never once mentioned except as a memory. The 
scene of the religious life entirely shifts from the 
home. A friend, a Sunday School teacher, a pas- 
tor, an evangelist now has a more significant in- 
fluence than "mother," and a meeting is generally 
the occasion of the experience. The influence 
of "mother" returning as a memory has more 
power during the third decade than it has during 
the second. In the cases where "I believe in 
mother" is the final testimony of the life, this af- 
firmation was attained during the third decade 
or later, and not during the second. 



56 THE PILOT FLAME 

In studying the more vivid and better defined 
experiences of the second decade, it must be con- 
stantly remembered that this type of experience 
is passed through by not more than half the 
people. So much emphasis has been placed upon 
the upheavals of adolescence, that we are in 
danger of presuming that these upheavals are to 
be expected for every child. But life has two 
facts ; there is conformity and there is variation. 
There is the child who is at home in the house 
of his Heavenly Father, and he always stays at 
home; there is the child who must go into the 
far country, whose consciousness begins with 
himself, who must find life and enter into the 
great emotions as freshly as if before him there 
had been no other. It is that child we are now 
to study, the child of variation. 

We have attempted to select a perfectly normal 
second decade experience, one which sets forth 
the factors of the experience, and yet one which 
shows no morbid tendencies or abnormally devel- 
oped feeling at any point. We think we have 
found an experience so simple and yet so abso- 
lutely characteristic of the second decade, that it 
might be called the classic experience. The quot- 
ing of this experience will provide the type case; 
the analysis of this experience will provide the 
phases of the normal case. 

"When a very little girl our Irish servant girl 
took me to the Catholic church one evening. God 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 57 

spoke to my heart in that service and that night for 
the first time in my life I knelt to pray. I continued 
to pray each night although my ideas were very 
vague. 

"Once when I was eleven years of age, my Sunday 
School teacher, as we left the pew to go out of the 
church, asked each of us in the class if we loved 
Jesus. I remember saying, 'Yes,' and being happy 
for days after. 

"Then when I was fourteen, there was a little 
revival service in the church. I realized that I was 
not a Christian. I realized, too, how God had kept 
me where I could come in touch with religious things. 
I longed to be a Christian and yet my heart rebelled 
so that I could not make a stand. I longed for some- 
one to talk to me personally, but no one did. One 
night after church, I stayed to the after-meeting. 
When the pastor asked if there was not someone to 
start the new life then, I raised my hand, and a won- 
derful peace came into my heart. 

"I did not have any special feeling when I joined 
the church. I considered that a part of what it 
meant to be a Christian and so I very seriously joined 
the church, feeling that it completed what it meant to 
be a Christian. 

"I have had many very vivid experiences since. 
They have nearly always come when I have truly 
said, 'Thy will be done.' 

"I think I get my most real sense that God is 
present in private reading of the Bible." 

In the ascent of the greatest mount of trans- 
figuration which human experience provides, 



58 THE PILOT FLAME 

while there are many episodes and variations 
upon the ascent, yet there may be said to be three 
great waymarks passed by all who go that way. 
These three great waymarks are: 1. The Reali- 
zation or Perception of Lack. "I realized that I 
was not a Christian." 2. The Focus of Atten- 
tion. "There was a revival meeting in the 
church. One night, I stayed to the after-meet- 
ing." 3. Decision and Expression, the weld- 
ing of the idea of Christian to the act of expres- 
sion by a strong emotion. "I raised my hand 
and a wonderful peace came into my heart." 

The experiences to be studied will be arranged 
according as they emphasize one or the other of 
these "waymarks," although the experience will 
be given whole. It is not wise in studying life 
processes to attempt violently to tear these proc- 
esses apart, for life is more like a circle than it 
is like a triangle. One part is smoothly related 
to the other. It is only for the convenience of 
understanding that we insert the triangle of di- 
vision within the circles of the great experience. 

1. The Perception of Lack. It may be taken 
for granted that Professor William James is cor- 
rect in his conclusions in his studies of the Re- 
ligious Experience, that there is a consciousness 
of lack on the part of the person who has never 
come into expressed relationship with God. We 
do not try to demonstrate the existence of the 
perception of lack; we grant that it is the con- 
dition of the people who have come to the second 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 59 

decade of their lives without the ratification of 
the Christian ideals. We strive to determine the 
normal degree of this emotion, and the ideas with 
which it is associated. 

The existence in the average person of this 
emotion should not be ignored; on the other 
hand, it should not be exaggerated. After many 
years of absorption in happily adjusted family 
life, one loses an accurate perception of the feel- 
ings and attitudes of those who are not married. 
If the cheer of the home is greatly appreciated, 
the loneliness of the unattached will be exagger- 
ated. If the burden of the family grinds and is 
heavy, the exhilarations of liberty are magnified. 

In the same fashion, he who has been for many 
years absorbed in the organizations and activi- 
ties of Christianity, loses an accurate percep- 
tion of those who are without. The circles of 
Christian fellowship being large enough to af- 
ford ample space for moving around, it requires 
the energy of an adventure to break out beyond 
them, and to get into the consciousness of him 
who is "without." If Christian fellowship is 
warm and genuine, the empty desolation of the 
life of the wandering is exaggerated. If Chris- 
tian fellowship is rigid and fanatical, he who is 
caught in it may feel himself in a dungeon keep, 
and his longing to breathe the free air may far 
outweight his value of the sense that he is safely 
kept. 

The minister, dwelling in the midst of the for- 



60 THE PILOT FLAME 

tress of the church, cannot depend on his own in- 
tuition to inform him of those who are without 
his walls. Yet here he needs accurate knowl- 
edge, if he is to continue the ingathering of the 
people. Since he cannot himself go out, he ought 
to be willing to be informed by those who are com- 
ing in, or by those who can remember how it was 
with them before they came in and why they 
hesitated so long to come within the walls. 

In gathering the written experiences, the first 
question asked was, "What made you decide to 
become a Christian?" In most second decade ex- 
periences a memory is retained as to the atti- 
tude and feeling before the time of decision. The 
people say that they were hungry, or that they 
were afraid, or that they were lonely. 

Hunger is the emotional response to the sight 
or the memory of food, the necessary condition 
being that the stomach is empty and needs the 
food. Religious hunger is the emotional response 
to the sight of satisfaction in the Christian life 
on the part of some friend. It is a sight of the 
genuine enjoyment of the Bread of Life. Or it 
may be the memory of food, the memory of a 
satisfaction enjoyed in childhood. Hunger is the 
most prevalent feeling, the most general kindly 
light leading on to the Christian decision. 

From the symptoms, a genuine hunger is indi- 
cated. People are restless when they are hungry. 
In a company waiting for luncheon two hours 
late, we are all restless, displaying a strong tend- 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 61 

ency to walk around and make aimless remarks, 
no one being able to keep up a sustained conver- 
sation. When on the higher levels of spiritual 
things, there are symptoms of restlessness, of 
wanting the peace and joy which another dis- 
plays, of longing for something more satisfying, 
of feeling a need, we may be sure that the genuine 
feeling of hunger is operating. 

The satisfaction of hunger in proportion as it 
is acute provides a sensation of joy. To come by 
hunger to God is the most' largely available 
method of providing a definite experience in our 
generation. As an initial impulse leading to a 
definite experience, hunger is more available than 
love. In two cases only, those of sensitive women, 
it is mentioned that the emotion of love was 
realized in a focal center. Heavenly love is the 
rare flower of mystic devotion. It is not to be 
presumed that it is already blooming in those 
who have not so much as come into the sunshine 
of their Father's country. 

That the religious experience of this genera- 
tion is largely piloted by hunger, is not an isolated 
tendency. Our age is predominated by the im- 
pulse of hunger. In proportion as we are rest- 
less, we are hungry. We are hungry for posses- 
sions, hungry for attainments, hungry for popu- 
larity, hungry for knowledge. Since hunger is 
intense on all levels, it is not strange that the 
people through hunger find God. The strongest 
piloting emotion in the present age religious ex- 



62 THE PILOT FLAME 

perience, is, "My flesh and my spirit cries out for 
the living God." The following experiences are 
piloted by the emotion of hunger. 

1. "I was brought up by devoted Christian 
parents, and think that I was naturally religiously 
inclined. Many times in my childhood I felt the 
guiding influence of the Holy Spirit, yet my active 
Christian life did not begin until several years after 
I was married. 

"I think the testimonies given by a friend in whom 
I had great confidence, was the main thing that made 
me decide to be a Christian. Listening to these 
testimonies, I became convinced that there was a 
peace and joy that I did not possess, and I longed for 
it. This feeling grew upon me until I firmly re- 
solved that I would embrace the first opportunity of 
avowing my intention of trying to live the Christian 
life. I did so, simply by rising to my feet when the 
first invitation was given, without any delay or hesi- 
tation. I immediately sat down again, buried my 
face in my arms, and gave way to a perfect passion 
of tears, but very soon the peace that passeth under- 
standing and joy beyond expression came to me, and 
I have never doubted that God himself accepted me 
then, and spoke peace to my soul. I have never 
since had the slightest desire to turn away from my 
blessed Saviour." 

The following simple testimony was provided 
by a lady who had known much of trouble, 
but who had finally come out upon the uplands of 
peace. As she walks in these uplands she conveys 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 63 

the impression of that rugged strength of char- 
acter attained by one who has climbed mountains 
wild and bare. 

2. "My early influences were the reverse of Chris- 
tian. After years of trouble, there came to be an 
earnest desire to find something more satisfying than 
the world's pleasures or excitements. My conversion 
was a very definite and satisfying experience, through 
which I passed into joy and peace beyond power to 
describe. Since that time, I can safely say that I 
have had very positive answers to prayer. God is 
most genuinely present to me in private devotions, 
that is, in prayer and the reading of the Bible." 

3. "Although I grew up in a Christian family, as 
I became older I drifted away from the religious 
teaching I had received at home. But through the 
influence of some very dear friends, I was brought to 
realize my need of a personal Saviour. I receive my 
most real sense that God is present in private study- 
ing of the Bible and through having performed some 
little self-sacrifice." 

4. "My mother taught me to love my Heavenly 
Father from a little child, and in the church and 
Sunday School I breathed a Christian atmosphere. 

"When I was about fourteen years of age, I saw 
there was something personal and joyous in religion 
I didn't have, and I was thus led to seek a closer 
communion with God. More and more through the 
years there has come a deeper joy and peace and a 
witness that I live in Him and He in me. In sorrow 
He is present in the most real sense, strengthening 
and comforting me in a marvelous way. Also, es- 



64 THE PILOT FLAME 

pecially in fellowship at family prayers, at the Sun- 
day services and at prayer-meeting." 

5. "The feeling that led me to decide to become 
a Christian was a deep sense that my life was not 
what it ought to be, and of the contrast between my 
life and the lives of some of my friends who were 
Christians." 

6. "I did not grow up in a Christian family, but 
the church and Sunday School privileges were many 
and gracious, sowing seed which in after years 
brought fruit. The Bible was read in the day school, 
so that it often happened that the Sabbath teaching 
was that which had been read during the week. 

"My heart became very restless, and for some time 
I was seeking to know the way of salvation. The 
splendid experience I entered into has been remem- 
bered and treasured thirty-nine years. I had special 
joy, the most vivid joy of my life, when I was en- 
abled to say, 'Lord, I believe.' " 

7. "During my fourteenth year, Rev. Franklin 
Ball, then on our circuit, was holding special meetings. 
A number of my friends and young companions, who 
were Christians, entreated me to go to the altar. I 
withstood their entreaties for some time, until I saw 
that going to the altar of prayer was the cross that 
I must take up. After several evenings of prayer 
at the altar, there came to me a peace that was like 
that of a calm summer evening. Many times since 
I have felt the same restful influence, especially after 
a season of prayer. 

"Sometimes I have stumbled, and failed in living 
up to the Christian standard of life, but God in his 
mercy and goodness has spared me until I am now 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 65 

over sixty years old, and I feel that he is nearer and 
dearer than ever before. I have not lived up to my 
Christian privileges as I should have done, but yet 
I treasure the hope that on some great day I shall 
hear the welcome words, 'She hath done what she 
could/ " 

The above testimony was prepared by a woman 
who has maintained a Christian home and has 
made the Christian ideals to be crowned with 
glory in the hearts of her children. I think she 
will hear the welcome words. 

8. "I always went to church and Sunday School 
and grew to think it the proper thing. I had no 
special feeling until Evangelist A. B. Earle visited 
Grass Valley, some thirty-six years ago. His 
preaching moved me exceedingly. Still, I did not 
decide to go forward until a friend urged me to. I 
went to the mourners 5 bench, and soon felt a com- 
plete forgiveness and was so happy. It was very 
vivid and satisfactory." 

Here are a few sentences selected from experi- 
ences that show the piloting hunger: "I can re- 
member clearly the first time I felt as if I wanted 
more than I had." "At the age of twelve, I had 
an intense desire to be converted and join the 
church." "I at last thought surely there was a 
better experience for me. I sought diligently for 
a Baptism of the Holy Ghost fire." 

Here are two cases where the hunger was not 



66 THE PILOT FLAME 

excited directly by the sight of others enjoying 
the bread of life, but by the memory of childhood 
satisfaction : 

9. "I grew up in a Christian home and Sunday 
School, but I wandered away into bad boys' company, 
until I seemed to forget conscience and training and 
fear of consequences. Then I considered. I took 
the good Book and went to the woods to read and 
pray alone. I really prayed and confessed, and made 
a full surrender. I was ready to change about for 
God and right. I felt that I had made a definite 
holy contract, sealed and signed. There came to me 
the feelings of great relief and joy, and the 'peace 
which passeth understanding.' For me, the great 
transaction was done. When I joined the church, I 
had great joy, for I felt that thereby the human con- 
ditions of the contract were signed and recorded. I 
have since had many rich experiences. I am now an 
old man, but I can testify that whenever the covenant 
is sealed and signed and complete, then the Divine 
Father never fails to fulfill his part of the contract, 
and to greet the prodigal with his soul cheering ap- 
proval." 

The testimony now to be quoted was prepared 
by a young man who became deaf after sick- 
ness in his childhood. It is an interesting ex- 
ample of how the memory of the religious satis- 
factions of the very early years followed him even 
into the silence of his affliction. 

10. "I was raised in Christian surroundings up to 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 67 

the time I became deaf. After becoming deaf, I be- 
gan to drift away from the church, feeling that as I 
could not hear, worship was not for me. When I 
graduated, the feeling came to me that I should like 
to come back into closer relationship with the church, 
and to claim my part in Christ. When I had done 
this, I experienced a feeling which I cannot well de- 
scribe, but expect it was relief, warmed up with the 
feeling of joy and peace. I was glad to be back 
with you all again and to have my part with the young 
people. I went down to Santa Cruz to the Christian 
Endeavor Convention. At the sunrise prayer meeting 
held on the beach, I had a vivid experience of the 
presence of God, although I could not hear. Some- 
times in looking over a song book, I meet one or two 
of the songs I heard years ago. In reading them 
over, the feeling that God is present comes to me." 

A sufficient number of the experiences piloted 
by hunger have now been quoted to give a fair 
conception of the manner in which this feeling 
now operates among the people. From the ex- 
periences the number might be increased, but the 
different aspects of the feeling have been covered. 
The minister who is attempting to arouse hunger 
for the bread of life will be informed that he 
must focus attention upon the good things which 
are enjoyed by Christians, which are not being 
enjoyed by those who have not this experience, 
and yet may be attained by the gateway of con- 
version. Or the minister must focus attention 
upon the memories of the enfolding sense of 



68 THE PILOT FLAME 

safety and satisfaction enjoyed in a Christian 
childhood. 

A few of the experiences mention that the pilot- 
ing emotion of their conviction was fear. These 
experiences are few. Even when fear is men- 
tioned, it might more accurately be described as 
an uneasiness which was relieved by the sense of 
safety attained by the Christian decision. It is 
not to be denied that the old process of find- 
ing God through fear provided a most vivid 
and effective experience, sufficient to alter 
the whole life. It has been a wonderfully use- 
ful method. The relief from fear is joy, fre- 
quently to the point of hysterical weeping or 
laughing. It is an experience not mistaken or 
forgotten. 

Why are we no longer able to use the strong 
old process? We sometimes say fear is not 
wholesome, that it is ignoble, that it is not endur- 
ing. We can just as readily prove that any 
strong emotion is unwholesome, that it is ignoble 
unless it be welded to a noble action, that it is not 
enduring. Any emotion is a stress and a relaxa- 
tion. There are certain phases of living which 
require a strong emotion for their proper de- 
velopment. The experience of setting* up the 
home and the experience of setting up the Chris- 
tian life are best undertaken in the fusing fires 
of a great emotion. The after value of the re- 
ligious experience justified the employment of 
the most vivid impulse that can be reached. We 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 69 

make no claim to have improved upon the way of 
the fathers in soul development. We but say, 
somewhat wistfully, that we do not now find fear 
to be very operative in the lives of the people, and 
therefore it is not a great acting feeling which 
can be counted upon to pilot the religious experi- 
ence. 

Fear on any level is rapidly passing out of 
experience, except as it is transformed into worry. 
The popular animal stories show that animal life 
in the wild is one long intense fear. A man's 
life in savage conditions is much the same, fears 
of Indians or outlaws, fears of the unknown and 
unexplored wilderness, fears that the crop will fail 
or the water dry up, all unite to make fear the 
most vivid association of his consciousness. In 
civilization the Indians are eliminated and most 
of the people are lifted high above the margin of 
subsistence; a man may travel many years on 
trains and boats, and never once be in a wreck. 
When fear was the most present factor in life, 
it might readily enough be evoked in the cause 
of the religious experience. A careful reading 
of the feelings of the fathers who conducted the 
great camp-meetings of seventy-five years ago 
will demonstrate this fact. 

The following case is the clearest example we 
have of coming by fear. It was prepared by a 
lady well along in years, who has lived a vigorous 
and effective Christian life, and has since entered 
into many deeper experiences : 



70 THE PILOT FLAME 

"What was it that made me decide to become a 
Christian? I felt it was the only safe thing for me 
to do. Beside my desire to be sure I was a child of 
God; I felt I must flee from the wrath to come." 



The fear of the ridicule of companions is often 
mentioned, but this kind of fear comes nearer to 
the hunger for approval than it does to the old 
theological fear of the wrath of God. The fol- 
lowing two cases will show this: 

"When I was about ten years of age, I attended 
a camp-meeting. I knew that I was a sinner, and 
oh, how I longed to accept Christ! But I was afraid 
of the ridicule of my companions, and so rejected 
Him. About two years afterward, I went to hear B. 
Fay Mills speak and was converted. I felt a deep 
feeling of peace come into my heart when I really 
gave myself to Christ." 

"I had a desire to be saved and to do what I knew 
to be right and to please our Heavenly Father. This 
impulse was long repressed through cowardice, and 
a fear that I could not continue as good as I thought 
a Christian should be all my life. I do not think 
it is easy to live up to the teaching of the Sermon 
on the Mount. When I joined the church, I had a 
sense of relief and peace that at last I had made a 
decision." 

This fear that they may not be able to con- 
tinue in the Way, has some frequency. To it must 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 71 

be applied the assurance of the companionship 
and sustaining presence of God. 

Here is a somewhat careful account of the ef- 
fect of preaching "Hell fire" upon a modern mind. 
This memory was provided by a business man, 
who was himself a glorious and exuberant Chris- 
tian, able in a most remarkable manner to testify 
to the presence of God in his life. 

"My earliest recollection of a religious experience 
was when I was about ten years of age, and we were 
living at Dodgeville, Wisconsin. They had a revival 
meeting in the old stone Methodist church. My 
mother, who was a very pious woman, took me to all 
the meetings after school hours. When there was an 
invitation extended to go forward for prayers, I went 
forward and knelt down at one of the front pews and 
remained on my knees for perhaps an hour; in the 
meantime, no one came to inquire into my condition, 
as I was a child, I suppose. Their thoughts were 
taken up with those who were older; but young as 
I was, I was just as anxious to lead a Christian life 
and to be one of God's little children, as I have ever 
been since. 

"I also remember in the same town in what was 
called the 'frame church' in upper Dodgeville, they 
held revival services, and the pastor used to expatiate 
every evening on the wrath of God and on eternal 
punishment. It is not too strong to say that he did 
his best to hold us over hell. He painted the pic- 
tures so vividly that the effect produced on my young 
mind was simply terror, a kind of fascinating terror 
like Halloween and witch stories. It had a tendency 



72 THE PILOT FLAME 

to drive me away from the Father I was trying to 
love, instead of drawing me towards Him." 

The following is an instance of conviction of 
sin, which comes near to the old fear experience. 
It was prepared by a sensitive woman, who has 
great power in prayer, and from whose interior 
life flows the streams of living spiritual influence. 
She is of the quality of which the saints of an- 
other age were made. 

"Although under the guidance of Christian parents, 
and although I had never committed very great sins, 
yet long ago I came under the deepest conviction of 
childish wrongs. I threw myself at Jesus' feet, and 
there, while repeating over and over my misdeeds, 
and begging forgiveness, that peace which passeth 
understanding came into my soul. Everything seemed 
bright and beautiful; even the people's faces glowed, 
for 'the glory of the Lord shone round about us.' 
Since that time, with the exception of a few times 
when I tottered on the way, I have done my duty as 
I see it. My most vivid experiences are answers to 
prayers. The nearest I have ever been to God was 
at a protracted meeting, at the beginning of which but 
four among my seventeen class-mates were Christians. 
I began to pray for them, one by one ; one by one they 
came. Finally in a body, we were all with one accord 
marching toward the Kingdom of God. I get very 
near the Heavenly Father in song, prayer and testi- 
mony. Nevertheless, I think the most successful 
co-operation with Christ by myself is manifested in 
my everyday life, while endeavoring to do the little 
things which seem likely to aid others." 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 73 

Although the next experience is piloted by love 
realized in a focal center, it is yet closely re- 
lated to the fear emotion because it is a realiza- 
tion of the sufferings of Jesus. A genuine con- 
templation of the cross does produce the convic- 
tion of our unworthiness in view of the great price 
paid in the suffering of Jesus. 

"I was brought up by Christian parents and care- 
fully trained by them. I was taught from my very 
infancy to love God, but I loved because I was taught 
to love, not that I had any deep feelings, or sense 
of gratitude. I had been told times without number 
the beautiful story of the babe in the manger, the 
cruel death on the cross and the resurrection, but all 
that meant really nothing to me, until God spoke to 
my heart and I lived. 

"It was my mother's custom to call us around her 
every Sabbath afternoon, and spend an hour or two 
in telling us stories from the Bible and in singing 
hymns. One Sunday afternoon about four o'clock 
I stood by my mother while we sang, 

' 'I'm going to see the bleeding Lamb, 
Will you go, will you go?' 

"I had sung those words many times before, but 
they conveyed little to my mind. On this Sunday af- 
ternoon, quickly like a flash of lightning comes, their 
meaning was revealed to me. At the moment that I 
realized who the Lamb was, a vision appeared, and 
impressed my mind so indelibly that time cannot efface 
it. I saw my dear Saviour nailed to the cross ; I saw 
the ragged bleeding holes in his hands and feet; the 



74 THE PILOT FLAME 

cruel thorns piercing his brow, and the wounded side. 
In that instant I realized his love for me, and also 
his terrible sufferings. My heart almost broke with 
sympathy and love, and remorse that I had not loved 
him truly and served Him before. How he suffered, 
how he suffered, and I had not loved Him, was the 
dominant thought in my mind, and it seemed that my 
heart would break. I burst into a flood of tears, and 
threw myself into my mother's arms. She was sur- 
prised and alarmed at my sudden weeping, and anx- 
iously asked why I wept. I sobbed, 'O mamma, it 
hurt Him so, it hurt Him so, and I did not love Him. 
I love Him now, I do love Him now.' There with my 
head on my dear mother's breast, I gave my heart to 
Jesus." 

Many were hungry, and some were afraid, and 
many were lonely, before they entered into the 
Christian experience. The feeling of loneliness 
as the piloting emotion has been left for the deep- 
est study because of the conviction that the great 
underlying emotion that leads on to the vivid ex- 
periences of the second decade, is the feeling of 
being lost and lonely. It may be that having 
broken out of the pool of family consciousness 
which was so joyfully sustaining during the first 
decade, that religious hunger is the memory of 
the satisfactions of that time. The religious ex- 
perience is the setting of the life in a new and 
larger pool of paternal consciousness. To be- 
come as a little child means to relate yourself to 
this larger consciousness, just as the child is re- 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 75 

lated to the family consciousness, to imitate its 
ways, to accept its teachings, to enthusiastically 
affirm its ideals. The religious experience, looked 
at from the standpoint of its piloting emotions, 
may be described as the relief of loneliness. The 
almost universal mention of the desire for "some 
one to talk to me" or the memory of the fact that 
a Sunday School teacher or companion "asked 
me" to go forward, shows the feeling of loneliness. 
The various ways in which loneliness acted to 
lead on the soul will be shown in the following 
cases: The first of these is the experience of a 
child of nine, who was evidently matured by see- 
ing her mother die, so that the experience prop- 
erly belongs to the second decade type. 

1. "When nine years old I stood at the bedside of 
my dying mother, and saw her pass into eternity, 
singing that good old hymn, 'Alas, and did my Sav- 
iour bleed !' Then I thought, I want to be able to 
die like that, and I want to go to mother. My Chris- 
tian experience began then. After mother was gone, 
little brother, three years old, and I, were left alone 
in the house while father and older brothers were out 
at work. We had no near neighbors and often times 
we would feel afraid and oh, so lonely. At such times 
we would go and kneel by the little bed, and repeat 
the prayer mother had taught us, and our fears and 
loneliness would all be gone, and we would feel that 
mother was near us. I thought, the Lord has sent 
mother as our guardian angel, and I still think that 
He did. When I was eleven years old, I was con- 



76 THE PILOT FLAME 

verted and joined the Methodist Church. Several 
days before my conversion, I felt so burdened I could 
scarcely eat or sleep. Almost at once, the burden 
seemed to fall from me, and I was so happy. Oh, 
how I wanted to share my happiness with everybody. 
Since then I have had many blessed experiences. I 
have felt the burden of other's sins, and have had my 
prayers answered by seeing them converted. I have 
great faith in prayer. I never could pray or speak 
in public, and sometimes feel disappointed because I 
was not given that gift, but I know that many of my 
feeble prayers have been answered. 

"Twice through sickness I have been so near eter- 
nity that I have almost had a glimpse into heaven. 
At one of these times, my spirit seemed to have left 
my body. I walked along the river of the Valley 
and Shadow of death, singing, 'All Hail the Power of 
Jesus' Name,' waiting for the Lord to tell me to step 
over as the river of death seemed but a narrow stream. 
While waiting there, my brother who had died the year 
before, came to me and talked to me. He asked 
questions about my family, and told me his work in 
heaven was tending a flower garden, — he had always 
been an enthusiast for flowers. I wanted to stay 
longer with brother, but I seemed to hear a voice say 
to me, go back to earth and raise your family; they 
need you. I began to return singing the doxology. 
The next thing I remember I was trying to make 
signs of life with my body, to let my friends know 
that I was still with them. My memory of the hap- 
piness which I experienced while waiting in the Valley 
is beyond my power to describe. 

"The second time I was so near the other world I 
had a vision of glory also. Angels came for me in a 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 77 

ship flying through the air, which rested on the house- 
top. A ladder was let down to my bed from the ship, 
which I climbed. I tried to step into the ship but 
something would draw my foot back every time. 
After making several attempts, I perceived that so 
many were praying for my recovery that I could not 
go. I told the angel why I could not go, and I re- 
turned to my bed. I had not been able to speak above 
a whisper for some time, but then I sang the old 
hymn, 'The Good Ship of Zion' so loud I was heard 
in the next room. I hope to be as happy when my 
final summons comes. I get the most comfort or 
feeling that God is near, when alone in my own home. 
I can commune with God while about my household 
duties. I love to be alone with God. I also get 
great comfort from hearing a good sermon, and 
by trying each day to do something to help someone 
else." 

This experience with the vividly remembered 
account of its visions has been quoted at length, 
not only to show how a lonely child was sus- 
tained and comforted, but to show two other as- 
sociations of the experience. In time of ex- 
tremity and of semi-consciousness, most of us 
will have visions of some kind. They will either 
be visions of terror and of fog and of black dark- 
ness, or they will be visions of light and glory. 
How much better that the pain of sickness shall 
be swallowed up in a vision of light, so that for- 
ever the memory shall treasure that impression, 
than that the pains of sickness be swaddled in 



78 THE PILOT FLAME 

the bands of depression and blackness ! From a 
constant practice in sickrooms, it may be asserted 
that the advances in nursing do not provide the 
patient with as many impressions of peace and 
joy, as did the old practice of sustaining the pa- 
tient with fervid prayers and familiar hymns of 
triumphant faith. The depression of sickness is 
as great as the pain. It cannot be questioned 
that this depression can frequently be relieved by 
the practices of a strong Christian faith. 

In the above quoted experience it will be no- 
ticed that the high points of the experience are 
associated with death, and it is to be granted that 
the little girl of nine who watched her mother 
die, was made morbid. Nevertheless, as will be 
shown in a later chapter, it is a general fact that 
the gateway through which the first vivid religious 
experience is attained, is the gateway which opens 
for the later experiences. Powerful memory as- 
sociations make this the case. 

2. In the following experience, the mother 
sees her child die, and other members of her 
family depart, until her affections are gradually 
more abundant in heaven than on earth. 

"My mother was a good Christian woman and took 
great pains to train her children, and in early child- 
hood I felt God's influence upon my heart. After 
I grew up and mingled more with the world, I be- 
came cold and careless about spiritual things. After 
I had a family, my affections centered upon them. 
A child that was very dear to my heart was gathered 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 79 

by the Grim Reaper. How bitter was this sorrow! 
How my heart rebelled! God did not seem the lov- 
ing Father he was represented to be. After other 
members of my family were called Home, I began to 
feel that I had more interest in Heaven than on 
earth. I lost interest in the earthly things that had 
before engrossed me, and set my affections on heav- 
enly things. I have never experienced such great 
joy as some have in their experience, but I now have 
a great desire to live near to God and to be ready to 
meet Him when he calls me. God seems very pres- 
ent when reading his word, and in reading spiritual 
songs and hymns. I hope ere long to see Him face 
to face!" 

The above experience was written by an old 
lady nearing the sunset. Since it was written, 
she has passed through the gates, sustained by 
great peace. We have just laid her away, re- 
joicing that the love of a little child that was 
lost for a little while, anchored her affections 
to that within the veil. She now sees Him face to 
face. 

3. The following case is pathetic in its lone- 
liness and yet strong in the beauty of its con- 
solation. It was written by a Swedish girl who 
is alone in a strange country, and living in that 
isolation of the servant in the house. It shall be 
quoted as it is written, in uncertain English. 
Would that we could also reproduce the hand- 
writing with its suggestions of hard work and an- 
other language. Would that we could also re- 



80 THE PILOT FLAME 

produce the strong sweetness of such direct and 
sustaining faith. 

"I became a Christian when I was fifteen old. 
My father or my mother were not Christians. I 
could not go to church or Sunday School very much. 
I am so glad and thankful that I have turned to 
Jesus, for he helps me much in everyday duties. I 
have had to look to strangers for to live and for help. 
I feel I do not have to depend on strangers now. I 
seem to feel God is near me in preaching, but I know 
He is near always. I trust he will always claim me 
as his child, and I can always feel that I am his child 
also." 

The above are a sufficient range of experiences 
to show that hunger, or fear, or love in a focal 
center, or loneliness, may any of them be the 
emotions that make the soul ready for the en- 
trance into the consciousness of the Kingdom of 
God. The next waymark that may be noticed, 
which may be said to be a general characteristic, 
is the longing for the touch of another life. "I 
longed for someone to talk to me." "After urg- 
ing by my companions." "A Sunday School 
teacher spoke to me." "The pastor sat down be- 
side me." These are the expressions which show 
the longing for the touch of another flame, which 
is burning. So general is this testimony, that we 
may say that spiritual life proceeds from spirit- 
ual life. The pilot flame is kindled by the torch 
of another life. 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 81 

Since it injures the vividness of the experi- 
ences to tear them apart, another waymark must 
be pointed out before experiences are quoted to 
the point that life proceeds from antecedent life. 
This additional fact is that the religious experi- 
ence is preceded by a focus of attention. While 
in a number of experiences already quoted it will 
be seen that this focus of attention was attained 
by the death of mother and child, at Sunday 
afternoon household worship, and in a number of 
ways, yet it must still be granted that this focus 
of attention is most frequently attained by a re- 
vival meeting, or a special meeting. 

The emotions of hunger, or of fear, or of lone- 
liness, exist in the second decade in the average 
person. These emotions may be strangulated by 
the pressure of more clamorous emotions of greed 
and ambition and struggle for attainment. The 
object of the focus of attention is to give these 
emotions a chance to assert themselves, to come to 
vigor. A sentence from the recognized author- 
ity, Jules Payot on the "Education of the Will," 
helps to clarify this point: "All that is neces- 
sary to give vigor and life to an emotion or a 
desire, is to make the object to be obtained per- 
fectly clear in the mind, so that all its attractive, 
delightful or simply useful aspects may be 
brought boldly into relief." A successful revival 
brings boldly into relief all the attractive, de- 
lightful and useful aspects of the Christian life. 
That so many have found salvation in a revival 



82 THE PILOT FLAME 

meeting, shows that this focus of attention on the 
ends to be obtained, does succeed in giving vigor 
to the piloting emotions that lead on the realiza- 
tion of the great experience. 

One more sentence will be quoted from Payot, 
mentioning a necessity which is well recognized 
by every practitioner among the souls of men. 
"When feeling surges up into consciousness, we 
must seize the occasion to launch our bark." We 
must take advantage of our good moments, that 
is of our moments of high and heavenly emotion- 
ality, as if the voice of God called us. When 
the flame leaps up, then God hears. When feel- 
ing, when hunger, or fear, or love, or loneliness, 
surges up into consciousness, then if you will 
hear His voice, you shall find satisfaction and 
safety, love and fellowship. 

The difficult question must now be asked, how 
are the vague emotions brought to the point of 
decision and expression? How are the vague im- 
pulses gathered up into a life decision, producing 
an impulse strong enough to govern the trend of 
a whole life? How is the entire consciousness 
turned over, so that the affections and enthu- 
siasms of the life find a new source? 

We enter not into the mystery of the quicken- 
ing of spiritual life. We believe that God enters 
in. But we believe that God presses upon life 
eager to enter in, and that we do Him no irrev- 
erence to set in the white light of knowledge the 
habitual methods by which he enters in. 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 83 

There is no uniform method by which the emo- 
tions come to the point of decision. Any claim 
of any easy uniform method suggests the quack. 
A cure-all for the aches and pains of the body, to 
be applied freely all the way from corns to head- 
aches with marvelous results instantly attained, 
arouses our scorn. The cure of souls is a prac- 
tice, not a prescription. Each case, with its con- 
stitution and complications, must be understood 
by itself. The cure of souls is best accomplished 
by those who have deep insight and constant 
practice, although nursing of souls by those who 
tenderly regard them is sometimes just as effect- 
ive. 

The weakness of the great organized meeting 
is at the point of individual variation. The great 
meeting does get the focus of attention ; the great 
meeting does make clear the attractions and the 
usefulness of the Christian life, and thus give 
vigor to the emotions that lead on to Christian 
decision and expression. But the great meeting 
fails in dealing with the individual; it does not 
remove individual difficulties ; it cannot generally 
provide enough of the burning flame in the lives 
of friends and Sunday School teachers to light 
the flame in the new life. A great meeting 
passes out a prescription ; it does not give a treat- 
ment. 

The two steps "decision" and "expression" 
must be firmly linked together. From the study 
of the cases, and from observation of many who 



84 THE PILOT FLAME 

are "getting through" the conclusion becomes ap- 
parent that "decision" without expression is al- 
most useless. Every pastor is familiar with the 
cases of those who have said, "I resolved within 
myself to be a Christian, but not to say anything 
about it," and the resolve did not amount to 
much. The holding up of the hand, or the sign- 
ing of a card is generally not a sufficient expres- 
sion. "It is impossible to overestimate the 
energy which is given to the feelings and the will 
by taking a decided public stand." (Jules Payot, 
Education of the Will.) "In letting our will be 
known to those around us, action pledges our 
honor ; it reasserts our resolutions, and both of 
itself and by calling to its aid the power of opin- 
ion, thereby increasing its power, it brings us 
strong and manly joys in recompense." 

In the light of the almost universal testimony 
that public confession is necessary, the command 
to "confess" gains new significance. "Whoso- 
ever shall confess me before men, him shall the 
Son of Man confess before the angels of God." 
"With the mouth confession is made unto salva- 
tion." 

While we firmly link "decision" and "expres- 
sion" or confession, some latitude must be allowed 
as to the method of expression. Running 
through most of the West Virginia testimonies 
is the conception that the religious experience is 
to be definitely attained by going to the altar at 
the revival meeting. While the majority testify 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 85 

that the experience attained at the altar was 
vivid and satisfying, five definitely mention that 
they were disappointed and although a number of 
attempts were made, no new experience was at- 
tained. They felt cheated and baffled, and their 
confidence in the vitality of the relationship with 
God was shaken. 

The mistake is sometimes made of promising 
that they who will come to the altar shall have 
an emotion. Many disappointments are thus pro- 
vided which sometimes provoke a lifelong skepti- 
cism. The promise of the invitation should be, 
if anyone now feels in his consciousness hunger 
for the better life, a longing for eternal safety, 
a desire for the surrounding and sustaining con- 
sciousness of his Heavenly Father, if anyone now 
has any of these emotions, it is the voice of God 
calling his station with a message. If he will 
arise and apply himself to the instrument, if he 
will firmly weld his emotion to an expression, he 
will find it a continuing and sustaining power in 
his life. 

The mistake of supposing that there is but one 
method of expression is shown in the experience 
of Frances Willard. The experience of Frances 
Willard is used because her whole after life at- 
tested the good quality of her experience. The 
experience of the five was very similar, but be- 
cause the goodness of their lives is known in a 
small circle, the question might be raised as to 
their having been truly converted: 



86 THE PILOT FLAME 

"It was one night in June. I was nineteen years 
old, and was lying on my bed, ill with typhoid fever. 
I had heard the doctor say the crisis would soon ar- 
rive. Mother was watching in the next room. My 
whole soul was intent as two voices seemed to speak 
within me, one of them saying, 'My child, give me thy 
heart. I called thee long by joy, I call thee now by 
chastisement.' The other voice said: 'Surely you who 
are so resolute and strong will not break down be- 
cause of physical feebleness. You have never yet 
been convinced of the reasonableness of Christianity.' 
In my weakness the controversy seemed long. At 
last, in the language of consciousness, I concluded: 
'If God lets me get well, I'll try to be a Christian 
girl.' But this resolve did not bring peace. 'You 
must at once declare this resolution,' said the inward 
voice. Complete as had always been my frankness 
toward my dear mother, it cost me a greater humbling 
of my pride to tell her, than the resolution had cost 
of self surrender, or than any utterance of my whole 
life has involved. After a hard battle in which I 
lifted up my soul to God for strength, I faintly called 
to her in the next room and said: 'Mother, I wish to 
tell you that if God lets me get well, I'll try to be 
a Christian girl.' That winter we had revival services 
in the old Methodist church at Evanston. These 
meetings seemed my first public opportunity of de- 
claring myself. The earliest invitation to go forward, 
kneel at the altar and be prayed for, was heeded by 
me. Shrinking and sensitive and humble, for fourteen 
nights I knelt at the altar, expecting some utter trans- 
formation. I prayed and agonized, but nothing oc- 
curred. One night when I had returned to my room 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 87 

baffled and discouraged, it came to me quietly that 
this was not the way; that my 'conversion/ my 'turn- 
ing about,' my 'religious experience/ had reached its 
crisis on that summer night when I said 'yes' to God, 
and confessed to my mother." 

Allowance must be made for the apparently in- 
creasing number of cases where the public meeting 
inhibits any fresh experience of the incoming of 
God. If decision and expression has been truly 
obtained at home, it needs but to be ratified by the 
public joining of the church. 

Cases will now be offered which are typical 
of the altar experience obtained by thousands. 
The experience in each case is written after many 
years, yet it will be noticed that the name of the 
evangelist, the person who held out the torch of 
light, the circumstances to the smallest detail are 
retained, as if photographed upon the conscious- 
ness. By actual trial it will be found that peo- 
ple can better remember the episodes of their con- 
version than they can the episodes of their court- 
ship. 

"I had a good Sunday School teacher. I know that 
she loved everyone of her class. I was about sixteen 
years old. We had a big meeting. Brother Chidister 
was the pastor. My Sunday School teacher asked 
me if I would like to be a Christian. I told her 
'Yes.' Then they commenced to sing 'Just as I am 
without one Plea.' When they were about through, 
she spoke to me again, and I went to the altar. I 



88 THE PILOT FLAME 

was there two nights and a day, and a day (evidently 
day and night meetings were held). The last night, 
I felt a great joy. When Sister Chidister com- 
menced to sing, 'Happy Day' I took hold of my teach- 
er's hand. Everybody around me and the old church 
itself seemed to be light with a new light. 

"I have at times experienced great joy in the Sun- 
day School lessons. I love to study the Bible by 
myself and to pray alone. I get the most help from 
the prayer meeting. We all seem to be close to God 
then, and I always go away feeling happy." 

The following experiences exhibit the vigor of 
the old time days: 

"Will say, as to my testimony, I am glad I've got 
religion. Was born in 1837, September the 5th. 
Was born again of the spirit the 20th of Dec, 1847. 
Am still on the way. Praise the Lord, for all his 
goodness and mercy! Now what brought me to seal 
my salvation was this: Brother Billy Wagner was 
class leader in the new church (the old one now), and 
we had a revival meeting in the basement. Brother 
Worthington was pastor. It was a great and glorious 
meeting. Many of the young girls and the young 
men from the school were converted. I mind Brother 
Dolliver was attending the meeting. I thank the 
Lord a thousand times I am still on the way. To 
have religion has saved me from a thousand snares." 

"My father was class leader as far back as I can 
remember. All of the eleven children were converted 
in the old church. I was converted in the December 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 89 

of 1862 under Rev. Ison's ministry, and know for my- 
self I was born of the spirit, justified, freely loved. 
I sought diligently for a baptism of the Holy Ghost 
fire. Glory to God, I never will forget when the fire 
fell. Now, he keeps me day by day by his power, 
and gives me the peace the world cannot give, or take 
away." 

The following experience will suggest the effi- 
cacy of asking for the written testimonies. Here 
is a truly beautiful soul which yet has been in- 
articulate through the years. The power of ex- 
pression comes through education, but the ex- 
periences of the soul are primal: 

"As my par ants was christons, while in mi child 
dayes I remember my mothers songs and prayers, 
how sweat they was to me; Christon people the most 
beautiful thing on irth. When about 15 I interd the 
altar where I first saw my savor the dark cloud broke 
a way, the light broke through whitch was all joy and 
peace. But the stunting part came afterwards. 
Prayer never came to me could not explane my ex- 
spearance tride to pray in secreat could only give 
mi self in to his care and trust him to take care of me 
I no god has dun his part as long as I doo I have 
made meney mis stakes and blunders when I doo 
rong I ask him with in my hart to for give me and 
he sets me on my feat a gayn I cant sing mutch but 
thank god I can read the bible I love the church 
I love the Saboth School I love all of gods people 
I love God best of all be cause he first loved me Not 
brotight up mutch in Saboth School in mi former 



90 THE PILOT FLAME 

dayes only late years had the operitunity Read- 
ing the bible bin mostly my j oy I take it as my gide, 
my savoer, my receiver." 

Many of the experiences already quoted entire 
show the same type of vivid transforming deci- 
sion and expression. There is added a group of 
sentence testimonies to the efficacy of the altar 
experience : 

"When I was about ten I attended a series of meet- 
ings during a great revival. I felt the power of his 
love. It seemed to me my whole life was changed, 
for such peace and happiness and love flooded my soul 
that only those who have felt it can tell." 

"My conversion was complete and most satisfying. 
I felt a deep peace and joy, and had full assurance 
that my sins were forgiven." 

"Forty-eight years ago to-day I was truly and 
happily converted in the little church two miles north 
of Morgantown, named Drummond's Chapel. I was 
at the altar for nearly two weeks, pleading with 
Jesus to give me a rich blessing, and Jesus only 
knows how happy I was." 

"At a revival meeting I came under conviction, and 
agreed with two other boys to go forward. One boy 
and myself were converted, and I felt a quiet joy 
expressed in tears." 

"At a revival meeting for Sunday School children, 
as I knelt by the altar, I felt that warmth in my heart, 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 91 

and I realized that it was really good to be a child 
of God." 

"During a special meeting a young man came to 
me, and asked me whether I did not want to be a 
Christian. I went up to the front of the church, and 
knelt at the rail. This was the beginning of my 
Christian life." 

"An evangelist with a mighty thirst for souls talked 
an hour with me. I felt a complete surrender, con- 
secrating my whole life to God, and I treasured a 
secret desire to go to Africa as a missionary." 

"I consider Christian training of the first import- 
ance, but I made a public confession at a revival 
meeting." 

By general agreement it may be granted that 
the experience obtained by way of the altar dur- 
ing the past generation was a vigorous method 
of bringing the religious emotions to decision and 
expression. The problem that confronts the 
modern care-taker of souls is whether or not it 
is still the most useful method. 

Some study needs to be made of the environ- 
ment, some careful testing made of the soil in 
which it is expected that germination of the spir- 
itual life is to take place. The churches are 
much larger than they were a generation ago, 
and the altar is farther away. Gifts of devotion 
have made many churches show more wealth and 
taste in their appointments than surround the 



92 THE PILOT FLAME 

most of the people in their homes. These sur- 
roundings furnish culture after spiritual life is 
germinated, but the atmosphere provided is gen- 
erally too cold for the germination of life. If a 
large meeting is contemplated for the purpose of 
giving vigor to the religious emotions and get- 
ting the focus of attention, it is practicable to 
use a tent or a tabernacle. The same effect is fre- 
quently attained by building rough board chorus 
platforms, scattering temporary chairs and hang- 
ing up bizarre banners. The rough appoint- 
ments of the camp-meeting ground were most 
successful in providing that warm democratic at- 
mosphere needed for the germination of spiritual 
life. The feeling of this need is behind Peter 
Cartwright's famous prayer that the Methodists 
might be saved from wanting pews, or organs or 
steeples for their churches. 

The successful evangelist helps on the creation 
of the democratic and homelike atmosphere. He 
opens up before the minds of the people a great 
pool of cleansing. Into this pool he puts the 
preachers first, then the saints, then the church 
membership, making the way clear, definite and 
apparent to those who are without, making it 
seem but a little way to those who must come, 
making them see that it is the relief of loneli- 
ness. 

The great democratic and homelike meeting can 
successfully do these things. The great meeting 
cannot successfully carry the seeker through de~ 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 93 

cision and expression. It cannot fill its prescrip- 
tion. The Two-or-Three assemblies do find Jesus 
most abundantly in the midst. The minister in 
a little church has the advantage. The minister 
in a large church can use his chapel or his base- 
ment, and if he can divest himself of his auditor- 
ium manner and polished utterance, he may per- 
haps be as successful as the minister in a little 
church. 

In looking back over the last ten years, during 
which the writer has watched with somewhat over 
a thousand, while they came through the point of 
decision and expression, it needs to be confessed 
that the best experiences have been obtained in 
the home, in the pastor's study, or, in some cases, 
in the business office. Education has so developed 
individuality, that decision and expression can 
hardly be obtained by any general applications, 
especially if the seeker has passed out of child- 
hood. 

When you are seeking the place where the pilot 
flame of the consciousness of God may be lighted 
in a life which has matured without this con- 
sciousness, you grope in darkness to find the 
hinges of a rusty door, you reach out the flame of 
your own knowledge to apply it at many points, 
if perchance you may find the place where the 
power of God comes in with sufficient force to be 
ignited. 

One night there was serious sickness in my 
home. We needed water to flow out hot from the 



94 THE PILOT FLAME 

heater in the cellar. The water came out cold. 
The pilot flame was out. I had to go down into 
the cellar in the dark and the cold. I fell over 
an apple-barrel, and ran into a beam and bumped 
into the heater. I groped in the dark, feeling 
for the door, which stuck for lack of use. With 
my little match, I reached for the place where 
the flame might light. After several attempts, 
I found the place; the little flame leaped up, and 
I knew all would be well — the water would come 
up hot. As I climbed the cellar stairs I had a 
haunting sense of familiarity. What was it like? 
Oh, I know! It reminded me of the work I had 
been doing in the afternoon, stumbling and fumb- 
ling around in the cellar of a man's mind who was 
sick unto death and who was old, trying to light 
for him the pilot flame of the perception of God. 
As I paused on the stairs, the pilot flame leaped 
into a fervid blaze. The water needed upstairs 
was running hot. I retraced my steps and stood 
before the water-heater with respect — it acts so 
like the operation of the great experience. There 
is the subconscious or instinctive mind, like the 
cellar; there is in this cellar an apparatus, an op- 
portunity through which God may enter into the 
life, like the tiny hole through which the gas 
comes to produce the pilot flame. The little 
flame must be lighted. It does not light itself. 
It must be kindled from the flame held out by 
another life. When it is not lighted, there is 
something consciously wrong with a man. He 



THE CHILD WHO VARIES 95 

feels hungry, or he feels lost, or he feels lonely. 
A focus of attention enables him to tell how he 
feels. At such a time the flame may be lighted, 
and sensations of joy and peace will inform him 
that a vital transaction took place. When the 
flame is burning the water flows hot ; when the 
assurance of the presence of God is enjoyed, ac- 
tivities are dispatched in warmth and hope and 
faith. There comes a night of stress, of sick- 
ness, of the shadow of death. Woe unto him 
whose pilot flame is gone out, or has never been 
lighted ! 

The normal work of the church is to light for 
every individual the pilot flame and to keep it 
burning. 



CHAPTER III 
ILLUMINATION 

Illumination is the effect of beholding Jesus. 
It is the way people feel when, by some method 
of contemplation, or of association, they have 
been enabled to see Jesus. Any normal person 
who has his attention so focused that he beholds 
Jesus, in any aspects of his revelation from the 
purple of his power to the crimson of his sacri- 
fice, will find as the tension of the great vision 
ebbs away, that there is left in his consciousness 
a deposit of stimulating and uplifted feeling 
which may be described as illumination. In 
some cases the beholding of Jesus is visualized, 
as in two cases when the crucifixion is seen in 
detail"; in many cases it is a mastering perception 
of depth of sacrifice and height of love, or of 
range on range of truth and strength and power. 
In some cases it is a perception described as 
light, above the brightness of the noonday sun, 
such as Paul experienced on the Damascus road. 
The beholding of Jesus is generally described in 
terms of the feeling which it left behind, although 
in a number of cases the testimony simply knows 
that something happened. 

The way in which a great beholding produces 

a stimulation which will be expressed in varying 

96 



ILLUMINATION 97 

degrees of feeling, may be seen when a party of 
people are looking from one of the great scenic 
points. Before there was any railroad, we made 
the pilgrimage through the forest to behold the 
Grand Canon of the Colorado. During four 
days we threaded our way through the pines, 
which is the best preparation for the great vision. 
On the afternoon of the fourth day, the guide, 
Hank, promised that we should see the sun set in 
the "big hole." The road kept threading through 
the pines, and we jogged on at the same pace, see- 
ing nothing strange, almost ceasing to expect 
anything very great. As the long shadows were 
sifting through the pine needles, we started up a 
little rise, where there seemed to be a streak of 
light beyond the trees. Hank suggested that we 
might get out and walk, as we were nearing the 
cabin where we were to stop for the night. We 
came suddenly around the turn in front of the 
cabin. Then I saw it. Right at my feet, drop- 
ping away into purple depths, rising in flaming 
peaks of glory, the most stupendous vision of 
height and depth, of vastness, of distance, of de- 
tail, of flaming contrasting color and mingling 
deeps of harmony. The rays of the setting sun, 
falling through that crystal air crowned with 
glory all the procession of the Bright Angels, 
while the purple fingers of the night shadows were 
stretching up from the weird labyrinth of unex- 
plored canons. The tension of that great 
vision held me paralyzed for some minutes. Then 



98 THE PILOT FLAME 

I felt a kind of lightness in my head. Seeing a 
little tree near, I went over and put my arm about 
it for support. My wife moved over and took 
hold of my arm, both reaching out instinctively 
for something that might steady us. I noticed 
that we both panted, drawing the convulsive breath 
of a great tension. Thus we stood, and looked 
and looked, straining to learn the details of the 
vision, ere the purple fingers of the night took the 
crown of glory from the Bright Angels. 

Hank called us to supper. We mechanically 
and silently accepted the supper. Hank began 
to laugh at us. "Well," he said, "is it as big as 
I told you? You ain't as bad as the last folks 
I brought. The man went into hysterics and 
some of the women began to cry. They all act 
funny, and lots of them take hold of that tree 
just like you did. One woman I brought in 
fainted. They all feel strange. Some of them 
are silent, and sit and stare like you do. Again 
they get to talking, and will talk half the night, 
telling everything that ever happened to them. 
When I get folks out here, I always watch them, 
because they act like drunk folks." 

The vision of the Bright Angels has for its 
effect a feeling 1 . It provides a conception of 
height and depth, of distance and of color, on 
such a vast scale, as to be registered in the con- 
sciousness by a feeling. While the vast view has 
for its effect a feeling, as this feeling ebbs away, 
it does not leave behind it a renewing of the whole 



ILLUMINATION 99 

nature, which is accomplished by a perception of 
some splendid aspect of the nature of Jesus. It 
leaves behind no bonds of the obligation to be- 
come like it. Jesus is a personality, which once 
having been perceived becomes a source of con- 
stant suggestion of the obligation to become like 
him. By beholding as in a mirror, by contempla- 
tion and association, we are transformed into his 
likeness. A grand canon does not suggest to 
us that we can become like it, and while the vision 
of it remains as a splendid memory, the stimula- 
tion which it evoked vanishes. 

Jesus having once been perceived by the in- 
terior consciousness, without the aid of eyes, it 
is possible to see him again, and finally to form 
the habit of beholding him for the illumination of 
every day. It is as if you had discovered the 
glories of the Grand Canon in your own con- 
sciousness, and at will could lift your eyes from 
cramping littleness and daily details to be illu- 
minated by its vastness. 

The effect which the beholding of Jesus has 
upon the interior life is capable of spreading it- 
self throughout every kind of activity, so that 
the general condition of warmth and courage and 
energy may be provided for all the normal activi- 
ties. The way in which this claim may be made 
upon Jesus is not mystical and uncertain. The 
infinite power of Jesus and its entire availability 
for each person is entirely beyond our compre- 
hension, but the method by which this power is 



100 THE PILOT FLAME 

used and consumed in the life activities may be 
understood. 

A simple test which can be made by anyone 
upon his own interior states will clarify the con- 
ception of the process by which the power of 
Jesus can be used. Any activity as it passes 
through the central station of the brain, not only 
dispatches commands to the muscles which are 
to proceed, but at the same time it lets loose a 
number of feelings about the activity. There 
is that instantaneous prophecy which perceives 
whether the activity is going to accurately ac- 
complish the purpose for which it was intended, 
that delicate foreknowledge that enables the 
baseball pitcher to perceive the instant the ball 
leaves his hand whether or not it accomplishes its 
intended purpose. This perception of accuracy 
is the guide to all who dispatch activities that are 
so intricate that they must be connected with a 
personality, and it is a feeling, in that it is in- 
stinctive and functional, rather than reasoned. 
As the activity passes, it leaves behind other 
feelings. There is the feeling of success, of ac- 
complishment, of approval if the activity has ac- 
complished its intended purpose. There is the 
feeling of failure, of waste and annoyance if it 
is a small matter, of discouragement if it is a 
large matter, when the activity fails to accom- 
plish its intended purpose. When a number of 
activities have passed, leaving behind them the 
feeling of approval, these feelings all summarize 



ILLUMINATION 101 

themselves, making a general feeling of satis- 
faction, of glow, of well being within the con- 
sciousness. We feel exhilarated, happy, pleased 
with ourselves and the world. But when a num- 
ber of activities have passed leaving behind them 
the feeling of failure, of the irritation of wasted 
effort, of insufficient skill, these feelings are sum- 
marized in that general feeling of depression, of 
clouds and darkness round about, as if the con- 
sciousness were under a cold fog. A casual look 
into your own consciousness at the end of a vig- 
orous day will tell you readily enough whether 
your feelings have summarized into a glow of ap- 
proval, or whether they have summarized into a 
fog of disapproval. 

We long for the glow of approval. That glow 
gives energy to all the functions, to digestion, to 
relaxation, to sleep. That glow provides the 
eager desire which enables us to take hold on life 
with appetite. 

We dread the fog of disapproval. It is the 
dead waste of unsuccessful effort, rotting on our 
shores, putting a palsy on future energy, robbing 
us of desire and interest, appetite and rest. On 
the day when our feeling has summarized into the 
fog of disapproval, we understand very well that 
utterance, "From him that hath not shall be 
taken away even that which he seemeth to have." 

As most of our activities are in competition 
with our fellows, many of whom are more skillful 
than we, the fog of disapproval has greater 



102 THE PILOT FLAME 

frequency than the glow of approval. We need 
a method by which the fog of disapproval may 
be scattered, that we may at least be given an- 
other chance, a new day, a new energy, a new 
faith in life and in ourselves. It is just at the 
point where the fog of disapproval is gathering 
that the practice of beholding Jesus is available. 
If the acts have been related to him, and have 
been undertaken with the faith that they are in 
harmony with his will, the following feeling is 
of approval, regardless of what the exterior re- 
sult of the act may have been. So long as the 
following feeling of activity is approval, the fog 
of disapproval cannot gather. 

The only safe method of dissipating the fog 
of disapproval is by relating the life to the higher 
approval of Jesus. Some artificial ways have 
been discovered of dissipating this fog, and arti- 
ficially providing the glow of approval. The 
difference between this artificial glow of approval 
and the wholesome higher approval of Jesus has 
been recognized ever since Paul warned the Ephe- 
sians to be not drunk with wine, but to be filled 
with the Spirit. The similarity between the 
stimulating effect of the approval of Jesus and 
the effect of alcohol has been recognized ever 
since the day of Pentecost, when it was neces- 
sary for Peter to stand up and declare that he 
was not drunken as was supposed, but, like David, 
he foresaw his Lord always before his face. 
"Therefore," he says, "did my heart rejoice, and 



ILLUMINATION 103 

my tongue was glad; moreover also my flesh shall 
rest in hope." 

Professor James says (Varieties of the Re- 
ligious Experience, p. 387), "The sway of alco- 
hol over mankind is unquestionably due to 
its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of 
human nature, usually crushed to earth by the 
cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour." 
If Professor James were writing this sentence at 
the present time, it is probable that he would 
substitute "sense of approval" for "mystical 
faculties," for the function of feeling is not now 
so mystical to us as it was. 

Dr. Peabody (Jesus Christ and the Social 
Question, p. 349) says, "The drink habit is in a 
very large degree the perversion of one of the 
most universal of human desires, the thirst for 
exhilaration, recreation and joy; and to remove 
the only available means for satisfying this 
normal craving without providing adequate sub- 
stitutes, is like blocking the channel where a 
stream does harm without observing many new 
fields the same stream is likely to devastate." 

Every minister of course has in his church at 
least several men who are reformed drunkards, 
and who have been able to substitute for the de- 
lusion of the stimulation of alcohol, the whole- 
some glow of the approval of Jesus. These men 
will agree in testifying that it was the desire to 
feel the sensation of approval upon their acts, 
regardless of what those acts really were, that 



104 THE PILOT FLAME 

caused them to drink. One man of sensitive 
temperament and college education told this; he 
said that the men who were his drinking compan- 
ions were mostly coarse, heavy and slow brained. 
After they had taken a few drinks together, they 
felt like they were truly smart; the things they 
said seemed to themselves gay and mirthful; they 
felt capable of schemes and plans ; they felt like 
they were what they liked to be. The morning 
after was of course ten times more gray and 
stupid and heavy, with plain work and plain food 
more loathed. But for one glorious hour they 
rioted in the sense of approval, of efficiency, of 
capacity. 

If it is desired to look for a place where the 
devil is incarnate, we may find him in alcohol. The 
devilish hold which alcohol has on life is the fact 
that artificially for a short time, it produces these 
precious sensations of approval. 

Mr. Hadley of the Jerry McAuley mission re- 
ports that sixty-two per cent, of the large num- 
ber of drunkards treated by the process of con- 
version are permanently able to substitute the 
approval of Jesus for the false stimulating of 
alcohol. Rev. Mr. Avery of the Christian Home 
for Intemperate Men, finds out of seven thousand 
men who have entered the institution, sixty per 
cent, have been transformed into practicing Chris- 
tians able to find their necessary stimulation of 
approval in Jesus. 

It may be gravely considered whether or not 



ILLUMINATION 105 

the saloon with its devilish method of providing 
the feeling of approval does not grow and in- 
crease in proportion as the church fails to gen- 
erate a large and generous fund of the approval 
of Jesus which may be vigorously applied to the 
lives of plain people. 

The mistake is often made of claiming that 
conversion is completed by an act of will. Con- 
version is never complete until it is summarized 
in feeling. There is danger, and there is wisdom 
at this point. The danger is that the case may 
be left at the point of the surrender of the will, 
and the habit may never be established of receiv- 
ing and using the power of the approval of 
Jesus. This danger constantly attends the 
modern great meeting, which attempts to get de- 
cisions by the hundreds, and fails to see that the 
decision and expression are thorough enough so 
that the after effect is the distinctly recognized 
feeling of the approval of Jesus. It does not 
suffice that a later and more individualized at- 
tempt should be made to carry the conversion to 
its completion. When the tide lifts, then the 
boat must go over the bar. When the will sur- 
renders, it is the lifting of the tide. It is the op- 
portunity. Then if it is vigorously pushed out, 
the little boat of self-consciousness can cross the 
bar into the great deeps of God consciousness. 
If it be not pushed out at this moment, the tide 
will sink away; the enclosing bar of self will 
emerge, the boat will be stranded. 



106 THE PILOT FLAME 

The wisdom of the fathers was greater at this 
point. We emphasize an act of will ; they empha- 
sized an act of faith. We stir people up to the 
stress of resolution ; they stayed with them to the 
time of relaxation, or the receiving and using and 
depending upon the approval of Jesus. Many 
are trying by supreme will, by battles and strug- 
gles to find the force we call the power of God, 
when they only need to relax and feel the power 
lift under them. The fathers understood this. 
To a seeker they kept saying : "Don't depend on 
yourself; give up everything!" "Depend on 
God; he is there; let nothing stand in the way." 
Say, "Jesus receive me." "Launch out!" These 
expressions are well-worn until they have doubt- 
less lost much of their effectiveness, but they have 
helped many a too rigid will and faith to relax 
and feel the power from without flowing in. The 
supreme relaxation which permits a feeling to 
surge up into consciousness, is a taking up of all 
the anchors, a letting go of all that we are, be it 
accomplishment or weakness, and a brave putting 
forth across the bar, into the deeps of the God 
consciousness. Not until we feel the great seas 
lift under us, is there a glorious certainty of 
their reality. The ineffectiveness of the modern 
practice is the failure to launch the boats when 
the tide is up. 

While we must claim that the religious experi- 
ence is not complete until it is summarized in feel- 
ing, much range must be allowed not only for 



ILLUMINATION 107 

different degrees of feeling, but for differing times 
at which the feeling is perceived. Such is the 
growing habit of participating in public meet- 
ings with a kind of public consciousness, that 
many are held back at such time from much in- 
dividual consciousness. The size of meetings, the 
general growing social consciousness tends at such 
times to keep dormant the individual conscious- 
ness. Exceeding skill is required on the part of 
the preacher who is lifting up Jesus, that this 
public consciousness is broken up, so that indi- 
vidual consciousness may emerge. It becomes 
more difficult as the size of the meeting passes 
over two or three hundred. 

Another modern habit must be penetrated. 
Feelings have been in such disrepute during the 
past generation, that many deny that they have 
any. Many a time we have seen a man, white as 
he will be when he lies in his coffin, shaking with 
the tremendous impression of the presence of 
God, yet frantically declaring, as if he was cling- 
ing to a post, "I don't feel anything." When 
the tide lifts in some souls, all the anchors are let 
down, and if they succeed in holding, it is then 
declared that there was no tide. 

Coming home from a wedding some time ago, 
I felt utterly disgusted. As we walked along, I 
said to my wife, "If it were in my power, I would 
take back that act. When I was turning over 
the certificate into the keeping of the young hus- 
band, he informed me that he was getting married 



108 THE PILOT FLAME 

from a sense of duty. He said he had no feel- 
ing at all ; that he had selected a thoroughly nice 
girl and married her, just as he selected a suit 
of clothes or a piece of land. I loathed him. I 
wanted to choke him and kick him out. Think of 
all the great tides of emotion that have lifted 
and sweetened and beautified life, and that nau- 
seating young chump says he has no feeling about 
the most sanctifying event of his life." 

My wife laughed, and said, "Don't be so 
frantic. The young man is one of those moderns 
who think it is mature to practice denial on his 
feelings. Did you see him look at the bride? I 
think he feels pretty much like the rest of us at 
such a time. I hope the bride will have wisdom 
enough to laugh at him, and teach him better." 

Many a man in whose life has lifted the great 
sweet cleansing tides of religious feeling, prac- 
tices denial like that young man at his wedding. 
The religious life, like the married estate, for its 
best realization, needs to be undertaken upon a 
high tide of glowing emotionality. Religious 
feeling is as natural as romantic love, and it 
should be given the same reverential right of way 
in guiding a life. 

A feeling, of sufficient intensity to be detected, 
is the correct assurance that the religious experi- 
ence, the lighting of the pilot flame has actually 
taken place. Without exception the written testi- 
monies speak of the "feel," generally of the first 
conscious coming in of the presence of God. In 



ILLUMINATION 109 

the large majority of clearly written cases the 
"feel" has followed immediately as the tension of 
decision and expression is relaxing, but the "feel" 
is not universally obtained at this time. Where 
the experience has been the ratification of the 
family ideals, the "feel" is frequently attained 
during the preparation and final act in joining 
the church. A deepening and conscious personal 
realization of the "feel" should be, and generally 
is, accomplished during the second decade. In 
some cases, a more intense feeling is realized in 
association with bereavements or with an addi- 
tional consecration and self-sacrifice. 

The range of described feeling is large, one ex- 
pression blending into another, from the definitely 
described incoming of a great light to the in- 
articulate declaration that something happened. 
For convenience of understanding, the kind of 
feelings may be gathered into four classes. 
1. Bright Glory. This charming old expres- 
sion of the fathers includes those testimonies of 
the "feel" which specify light. 2. Peace and 
joy. The largest number of modern expressions 
come under this classification. S. Sense of 
safety. Under this name are gathered, "satis- 
faction," "assurance," "relief." 4. Inarticulate 
Experience. There is a definite knowledge that 
something happened, but an inability to describe 
it. 

1. Bright Glory. There can be no contro- 
versy that an intensely focused experience of the 



110 THE PILOT FLAME 

incoming of the power of God is a bright light 
perceived as external to the person who beholds 
it. The tongues of Pentecost, and the light upon 
the Damascus road above the brightness of the 
noonday sun, may be described as the most in- 
tensely focused of these lights. It is not claimed 
that the perception of light occurs in connection 
with the other conversions under Paul's preach- 
ing. He but requires that faith shall be in the 
heart, and that public confession shall be made, 
the following feeling being looked upon as the 
individual and private gift out of the bounty of a 
gracious Father. The gift of "bright glory" 
of the definite perception of light still occurs with 
sufficient frequency, to make it easy to believe 
that the description of the tongues of Pentecost 
is accurate. 

In Mr. Hadley's account of the famous conver- 
sion of Jerry McAuley, the following statement 
is given concerning the climax — (Hadley, Down 
in Water Street, p 31) : 

"There was a shock came into the room, something 
similar to a flash of lightning, which every one pres- 
ent felt and saw. 

"Jerry fell down on his side prone on the floor, 
with tears streaming from his eyes. 

" 'Oh, Jesus, You did come back; You did come 
back! Bless your dear name.' 

"Jerry's companions were so frightened by what 
they saw, that they sprang from their knees, ran out 
of the house and fled down the street." 



ILLUMINATION 111 

While this flash of lightning is thus clearly 
described, it must be remembered that Mr. Had- 
ley does not claim to ever have seen it in con- 
nection with the many thousand of conversions 
he has witnessed. 

On one occasion, during my own ministry, a 
light was witnessed which appeared to be ex- 
ternal, following a focused conversion. 

At a time when the tide was coming in during 
the pastorate at Berkeley, California, and the 
consciousness of God was flooding into the lives 
of most of the congregation, and many were being 
converted, a man named Hay came into the morn- 
ing service. He was a man of good ability, but 
for forty years he had been an intermittent 
drunkard. Between spells he maintained a small 
shop and worked as a harness maker. During 
the service, about the middle of the sermon, he 
arose suddenly and went out, looking as if he 
were in great pain. After service, an official ex- 
pressed it as his opinion that the man had been 
taken with acute indigestion. We do not fre- 
quently enough see men suffering under "convic- 
tion" to recognize the symptoms. Hay came to 
prayer-meeting on Wednesday evening, and to 
class-meeting on Sunday. At class-meeting, he 
would arise and tell of his helplessness, and ear- 
nestly ask for help. Many talked with him, ad- 
vising faith in many forms. After he had been 
coming to class-meeting for about a month, he 
seemed utterly discouraged. "It ain't any use," 



112 THE PILOT FLAME 

he said. "You tell me to have faith. I do have 
faith. It ain't any good. In the morning I get 
up, and start to sweep my shop. I have to go 
out and take a drink. Then when I finish the 
shop, I have to get another drink. Faith ain't 
any good." 

He came to prayer-meeting one evening, and 
sat where the light fell on his face. His expres- 
sion convinced me that the final battle was being 
waged within his soul. At one moment the 
strange glow of deliverance and hope would trans- 
form his face, to be followed by an expression of 
contempt and emerging brutality. That odd 
verse in Jude about the contention of the arch- 
angel and the devil disputing for possession of 
the body of Moses, came to my mind. The arch- 
angel and the devil were disputing for the pos- 
session of the man Hay that night. With un- 
usual agony, he claimed he had tried faith, but 
"It ain't any use." I felt that Hay must be 
saved. I told him we would hold a prayer-meet- 
ing in the room above his shop, the next evening, 
and I invited all the people who believed Hay 
might be saved to come. All night, I turned 
restless upon my bed, feeling that the archangel 
and the devil contended in my own soul. Here 
was a clear case where an application of salvation 
ought to save. I had no expectation of a mir- 
acle, but I thought that strength enough ought 
to be provided to overcome the appetite. 

When I arrived for the prayer-meeting, I found 



ILLUMINATION 113 

that Hay's wife had cleaned the room, and Hay 
had borrowed chairs, and arranged them in rows, 
expecting a considerable number whose faith 
should contribute to his help. Just two people 
came, Sister Fell and Brother Freeze. In heavy 
depression, I sat waiting past the time to begin. 
Without any preliminaries of prayer or of sing- 
ing, I suddenly said to Hay, as if delivering a 
message. "Your appetite can be taken away 
from you." He dropped heavily upon his knees, 
as we knelt around him. Sister Fell prayed a 
little. Then Hay burst out, and prayed for him- 
self, a few words of claiming faith. It had come ; 
triumphant illumination. We arose, singing the 
doxology to a peculiar short meter. We held 
Brother Hay by the hands, and shouted with a 
few tears running down our cheeks. That dingy 
little room blazed with light. It was external. 
It was above the brightness of the noonday sun. 
It was a bright glory. Sister Fell said, "Look at 
Brother Freeze." He, a man crippled with rheu- 
matism, was leaping and dancing. 

The thirst was taken from Brother Hay. The 
next morning he went into his drinking place, 
asked for his account, lingered to tell the bar- 
keeper of his conversion, when he thrust the cus- 
tomary glass under his nose. He was a man past 
seventy; the thirst of forty years was absolutely 
and instantly taken away. 

When the pilot flame was lighted in the life of 
Brother Hay, there was such an uprush of power 



114* THE PILOT FLAME 

that it made an external light. We all saw it. 
While I have never before or since witnessed such 
an external radiant light, I have many times seen 
upon the faces of people such an amazing illumi- 
nation that the impression was of light shining 
from their faces. At one time in my early minis- 
try, a man who was blind arose and said that he 
had an irresistible impression of light round about 
him. One can hardly conceive of more positive 
evidence that the incoming of the power of God 
is correctly described as light. 

These evidences of "bright glory" make en- 
tirely comprehensible the following expressions 
which are taken out of the experiences : 

"My whole being seemed to be lighted. ,, 

"I had a vivid knowledge of change from darkness 

and fear to light and love." 

"The old church seemed lighted with a new light." 
"The dark cloud broke away; the light broke 

through which was joy and peace." 

"My experience was bright when I realized that I 

started in the right way." 

"When my mother looked at my shining face, she 

said: 'What has come over my boy?' " 

The following account of the feeling of illumi- 
nation was prepared by a man of most advanced 
intellectual culture. It is quoted at this point to 
show that "bright glory" is not denied to those 
who are of the distinct intellectual type, and that 



ILLUMINATION 115 

illumination may follow upon the clear compre- 
hension of one of the great doctrines. 

"Up to the age of twenty-one, I thought I was a 
Christian. In reading the life of John Wesley, where 
he details his feelings of conviction just before his 
experience 'while he was reading in Romans' I came 
to the conclusion that I was depending for salvation 
on exactly the same things that Wesley was; and as 
he did not think that he was a Christian, I concluded 
that I could not be. I still think I was not a Chris- 
tian, though I had been a church member, Sunday 
School teacher and officer, and active worker in the 
church for twelve years. After a week's heavy dark- 
ness and depression, during the latter part of which 
I had a consuming desire to read the Scripture on 
every opportunity, I had a distinct, vivid, vital ex- 
perience while reading Romans six. It came at first 
as an intellectual perception of my relation to God 
and Christ, and then as a very great emotional light." 

Two other university professors tell of illumi- 
nation following upon a clear perception of their 
relationship to God. 

These three men who are able not only to 
definitely experience illumination, but to accu- 
rately describe that it followed upon their clear 
perception of their relationship to God, provide 
a valuable clew as to how illumination may be 
brought about. The testimonies of the simple 
and the testimonies of the learned agree that il- 
lumination follows upon a beholding of Jesus. 



116 THE PILOT FLAME 

The testimonies of the learned are probably more 
accurate when they say that it is not only a be- 
holding of Jesus but the realization of the per- 
sonal relationship to him, that precedes the vivid 
realization of illumination. You can behold 
Jesus by a process of clear and concentrated 
thinking, perhaps more genuinely than by a visual 
or auditory impression. The number whose busi- 
ness it is to think are increasing. Let them 
understand that by a clear and concentrated 
thinking process they can behold Jesus, and come 
to claim as theirs the experience of bright glory. 

The best gift, earnestly to be coveted, is to 
summarize one's contemplation of Jesus in the 
transforming feeling of bright glory. If some- 
where along the way the great "light has shined 
out of darkness and shined into our hearts to give 
us the light of the knowledge of the glory of 
God in the face of Christ Jesus," we can hence- 
forth go about living neither dismayed, confused 
or doubting. When bright glory is more ear- 
nestly coveted, we can expect that it will be more 
frequently experienced. 

2. Peace and Joy. At the present time, the 
beholding of Jesus summarized itself most fre- 
quently in the feeling that is called peace and joy. 
It is useful to notice that when the need of God 
has become a hunger, the finding of God pro- 
duces a feeling of peace and joy, or of satisfac- 
tion. Hunger, the most frequent piloting emo- 
tion of the present generation, makes apparent 



ILLUMINATION 117 

the necessity of an outside relief. Hunger of 
the stomiach never becomes relieved by the secre- 
tion of its own juices ; in fact, the more abun- 
dantly the digestive juices are secreted, the more 
clamorous is the cry for some substance provided 
externally which they can work upon. In the 
same manner, the hunger for God never becomes 
satisfied by any turning of contemplation inward 
upon self, by any energizing of will, or shaking 
up of good resolutions. The hunger for God is 
satisfied by the perception of some power having 
come in from without. The following two testi- 
monies are particularly clear on this point: 

"Such a flood of peace and joy enveloped me that 
I knew it could come only from above." 

"Jesus seemed so near and real to me I felt I 
could reach out and clasp him in my heart. Oh, the 
love and joy that filled my whole being." 

The many testimonies that have been given, all 
confidently assume that something came into their 
consciousness from without. They could no more 
believe that the relief experienced was generated 
by expectation or by auto-suggestion, than they 
could believe that the feeling of satisfaction after 
a good meal was brought about by auto-sug- 
gestion without any reception of food. 

While a focus of attention upon Jesus must 
precede a conversion, it is not correct to say 
that conversion follows upon expectation. In the 
twenty-seven West Virginia cases where it was 



118 THE PILOT FLAME 

expected that conversion was to take place by 
way of the altar, it was found as a matter of fact 
that the only experience was the ratification of 
the family ideals. In speaking of the circum- 
stances of the conversion of drunkards Mr. Had- 
ley says that in many cases conversion takes place 
when the man is at least partially drunk. The 
following case is one where it is definitely stated 
that there was no expectation of conversion. The 
testimony is provided by a young man of un- 
usual devotion and rare beauty of Christian life. 
In every opportunity to express the Christian life 
which is provided by the church, he is found re- 
sponsive and faithful. He is one of those self- 
less natures that find greatest happiness in habits 
of devotion and self-sacrifice, so readily practiced 
as to seem instinctive. In gathering the experi- 
ences we have discovered that many of the most 
sustaining people, those whose lives outside of 
their business, are largely identified with the 
church, are a bit wistful and poverty stricken 
when it comes to their own interior and focused 
experiences. They feel that at the Great Supper 
of the Master, because they have not on the wed- 
ding garment of a focused experience, they will 
be content to wear the garb of service, and wait 
on the other guests. These who serve in the 
Master's household ought to find themselves en- 
riched by the recollection that this was the way 
of Jesus himself. We know him not much in 
focused interior experience; we know him almost 



ILLUMINATION 119 

entirely in relationships of love and service. The 
most genuine identification with the consciousness 
of Jesus is attained by those who take upon 
themselves the washing of the disciples' feet. Of 
such as these was the young man who prepared 
the following testimony: 

"Immediately previous to my conversion I was 
rather cold regarding all religious matters. The 
church services did not interest me. During a spe- 
cial meeting, a young man came to me and, touching 
me on the shoulder, asked me if I did not want to be 
a Christian. I went up to the front of the church, 
not knowing why I did so, and knelt at the rail. This 
was the beginning of my Christian life. I had a 
profound experience. I found afterwards that a 
prayer band, with my sister as leader, had prayed 
for me all that Sunday afternoon. As a free moral 
agent, I had nothing to do with becoming a Christian. 

"On being received into the church, I felt a new 
strength and determination. I have had several ex- 
periences since, that seem particularly significant and 
vivid, — twice, when I have felt that secret sins had 
been taken from me, — once, when I realized that 
my life should be given to some Christian work, and 
several times when trying to help others. 

"Probably because through a prayer band I was 
converted, I feel the presence of God most deeply 
when in prayer with a few fellow workers, especially 
when we pray for ourselves and for the success of 
some definite work. At any time in the day, I can 
turn my heart to God and feel the reality of His pres- 
ence." 



120 THE PILOT FLAME 

A string of pearls, expressions of the peace 
that passeth knowledge will now be made, in order 
that we may have a clear judgment of what the 
normal amount of feeling is in this generation. 
Bright glory is comparatively rare, but "peace 
and joy" is the usual description of the feeling 
which summarizes the consciousness that God has 
come into communication with the life. Here is 
the string of the pearls of peace : 

"What a wonderful peace I enjoyed I shall never 
forget. I was unspeakably happy." 

"The memory of peace comes back." 

"Peace and pardon!" 

"Peace and joy came to me." 

"I remember the feeling of satisfaction and rest." 

"Peace like a calm summer evening." 

"I felt a great relief and joy when I came out for 
truth and righteousness." 

"After I made a complete surrender and was ready 
to change about for God and right, I had a feeling of 
relief followed by joy and peace." 

"I went to the mourner's bench, and after a while 
I felt a complete forgiveness, and was so happy. 
The experience was vivid and satisfying." 

"I had a special joy when I could say, 'Lord, I be- 
lieve.' " 

"I felt joy and peace beyond power to describe." 

"When I raised my hand, saying I would start the 
new life, a wonderful peace came into my heart." 

"As we children knelt around the altar I felt that 
warmth in my heart, and I realized that it was really 
good to be a child of God." 



ILLUMINATION 121 

If we should gather from all the testimonies 
already quoted the pearl of feeling which is on 
the end of each one, we might greatly lengthen 
this string. The normal test as to whether or 
not the pilot flame is lighted is the possession of 
the pearl of the feeling of peace. 

3. The Sense of Safety. As the relief of 
hunger produces a feeling of peace and satisfac- 
tion, the relief of fear provides a feeling of safety, 
or of relief, or of assurance. As the number of 
cases where fear was the leading emotion are be- 
coming rare, so the sense of safety is not so fre- 
quent as peace and joy. On the whole we may 
come to the conclusion that joining the church is 
attended with the "sense of safety." The definite 
public act produces the feeling of a contract 
closed and delivered. It provides the impression 
of the recorded title to the dwelling-place in the 
eternal city. Following are some of the expres- 
sions of the sense of safety: 

"I joined the church with a great feeling of relief." 

"I felt a complete surrender and consecrated my 
whole life to Christ." 

"I am so glad I have turned to Jesus, for I can 
always feel that I am his child." 

"I remember the feeling of satisfaction when I 
joined the church." 

Throughout all the testimonies the "sense of 
safety" is in no case the feeling of being saved 



122 THE PILOT FLAME 

from the penalty of sin, but it is rather a feeling 
of satisfaction in having settled upon a program 
of life and of having made provision for the fu- 
ture. There is left among the people almost no 
feeling of the guilt of sin. Even in cases where 
a recognized sin, such as swearing, must be re- 
moved, the feeling is that here is a great stone 
in the way which must be lifted out rather than 
of overwhelming guilt about the past. There is 
but one mention made of remorse, and that is not 
for sins committed, but for the failure to love 
Jesus more, on the part of a sensitive little girl. 
Not only from the written cases, but from knowl- 
edge of many cases of drunkenness, of immorality, 
of swearing, of violent temper, it can be affirmed 
that the feeling of having sinned against the 
holiness of God has almost passed away. Sins 
are regarded as weaknesses, and the appeal to 
God is for help and strength to overcome them, 
rather than for forgiveness. Truly the con- 
ception of the All-Father has almost entirely dis- 
placed the conception of the Righteous Judge. 
When we are striving to bring men into that state 
of mind at which the God power becomes avail- 
able for them, we can more readily convict them 
of failure than convict them of sin. The modern 
man is like the Prodigal son. The time of his 
redemption draws nigh when you convince him 
that he is filling his belly with the husks which 
the swine did eat. When you have shown him 
the vision of the Father's house with bread enough 



ILLUMINATION 123 

and to spare, while he perishes with hunger, then 
he will arise and go. 

The sense of safety does not in modern 
feeling mean the remission of the penalty of sin, 
but it is the sense of being enfolded in the great 
Shepherd's flock, of belonging to one who is able 
to provide through time and eternity. Since this 
feeling is generally obtained as the result of join- 
ing the church, it should be recognized that join- 
ing the church is the necessary condition of sus- 
taining the Christian life. 

Any emotion which is not ratified by a decision 
and an action, will quickly ebb away, leaving be- 
hind it scarcely any trace. But an emotion which 
at the time of its flood is ratified by a decision 
and an action, will leave behind it a deposit, and 
this deposit may readily become the foundation 
of a habit and practice. A beholding of Jesus 
must be followed by a decision, and this decision 
must be turned into an action. The most useful 
action is the joining of the church, which im- 
mediately provides duties of attendance and op- 
portunities of self-sacrifice. As the only whole- 
some and permanent outcome of romantic love is 
marriage, with all that it brings of duty and 
sacrifice, so the wholesome and permanent out- 
come of conversion is membership in the church, 
with all that it brings of habit forming practices 
of devotion and of sacrifice. Romantic love which 
willingly enters into the bonds of matrimony is 
that reconciliation of naturally warring personali- 



124 THE PILOT FLAME 

ties which achieves that great ideal of peace, the 
home. Romantic love which refuses the bonds 
of matrimony, becomes that stream of morbid 
and unwholesome filth running down all the gut- 
ters of civilization. The bright glory of con- 
version which willingly enters into the bonds of 
the church becomes that permanent reconcilia- 
tion, that at-one-ment of God and man. The 
conversion which refuses the bonds of the church, 
is a tide that ebbs away, leaving the life more 
empty and desolate than before the possibility 
of washing was realized. 

4. For final proof that a transaction be- 
tween God and the human heart definitely takes 
place, the "inarticulate feelings" provide the 
most reliable proof. They offer as reliable evi- 
dence as can be imagined, that something set 
apart from the round of daily life did verily take 
place. They are provided by people who are not 
accustomed to express themselves. Their experi- 
ence does not consist of phrases put into their 
mouths, for they have no phrases. They testify 
that something happened. 

"I had an experience that seemed vivid." 
"I arose feeling that God had come to me. It was a 
clear knowledge but I really do not know how I felt." 
"I had a deep experience, but I cannot express it." 
"I had a vivid experience." 
"I felt good." 
"I cannot express it." 
"I know the time when I was converted." 



ILLUMINATION 125 

A careful recollection of the time when we are 
possessed by any great emotion will offer proof 
of the accuracy of the inarticulate testimonies. 
When we are possessed of any strong emotion, 
we rarely know how we have felt, until the emotion 
is relaxing its grip of tension. When we are 
very angry we rarely think we are angry; 
we have intense feelings about a particular 
situation. Not until we are cooling off do 
we describe ourselves as angry. People in 
great sorrow are nearly inarticulate. The min- 
ister whose work brings him constantly into con- 
tact with the climaxes of grief, knows that when 
there is much weeping grief is relieving itself. 
When the tension of inarticulate grief holds on 
too long, there is danger that reason will be 
wrecked. It is the memory of the emotion, not 
the emotion in its intensity, which is the inspira- 
tion of art and eloquence. Tennyson was for 
many years easing his emotion, before he could 
write "In Memoriam" of his friend. The in- 
articulate knowledge that something important 
happened is good evidence of the time when the 
pilot flame was lighted. 

While it is conceded that illumination may 
vary all the way from bright glory, to the in- 
articulate knowledge that something happened, 
it must be claimed that a feeling is the only final 
confirmation and assurance that the religious 
experience is completed, that the pilot flame is 
lighted. The experience that stops short of the 



126 THE PILOT FLAME 

feeling is incomplete. The surrendered will, the 
claiming of faith, open the door; but not until 
the flame of feeling proclaims the kindling touch, 
does the warmth of illumination flow with all the 
activities of the life. 



CHAPTER IV 

THE PERCEPTION OF THE PRESENCE 
OF GOD 

In gathering the written testimonies the last 
question asked was, "How do you get the most 
real feeling that God is present?" In all the 
testimonies this is the question most easily and 
most accurately answered. Somewhat more than 
half the people have had no vividly remembered 
transforming experience of conversion; a consid- 
erable number have tried faithfully to experience 
such a renewing and have failed; a considerable 
number have had an occasion when the ratifica- 
tion of their family faith has provided them with 
a personal consciousness of God; yet a consider- 
able number, in many instances the most sus- 
taining and active members of the church, have 
been so completely identified with the Christian 
consciousness that they remember no angles in 
their experience. They have been carried along 
in the omnibus of the church, and having perfect 
confidence that the driver knows the way, they 
have not noticed the places where the road 
branched. 

When they are asked at what special times 

they have the most genuine consciousness that 

God is present, they understand readily what is 
127 



128 THE PILOT FLAME 

wanted. The fact that this question needs not 
to be explained, but is immediately comprehended 
and accurately answered, is a marvelous testi- 
mony to the common perception of God conscious- 
ness. If God were not in communication with 
the life, this question would be considered an ab- 
surdity. It would not be understood, and could 
not be answered. If the God consciousness and 
the soul of the individual are separated by an 
unknown and uncrossed ocean, it is absurd to ask 
what was the last message received. But if the 
two are connected by the cable of faith, if the soul 
has set up the receiving station of prayer and 
aspiration and contemplation, so that daily 
messages are being communicated, then when the 
question is asked as to the latest message, it can 
have a ready answer. 

The ability to answer this question provides 
the most accurate test to determine who should 
be reckoned within and who should be reckoned 
without the fold. Every generation must have 
a method by which to divide the sheep and the 
goats. It must always be possible to say to the 
people, some of you are the sheep, safe folded for 
all eternity, and some of you are the goats, 
wandering without, condemned to be lost. The 
fence between the sheep and the goats must be 
builded. Yet the religious friction of each gen- 
eration is caused by maintaining the old fence 
before the pressure of the oncoming generation. 
It is always too small, and it always frets and 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 129 

confines the growing generation. To discover 
the place where a new fence may be safely builded 
which will yet include a larger number within the 
fold, is to smother out friction and fretting in 
the enfolding sense of safety in the care of the 
Great Shepherd. When Jesus was trying to 
make his disciples feel that it was entirely safe 
for them to substitute accurate belief on Himself 
for vague belief on the Father, he says, "In my 
Father's house are many mansions." The God 
consciousness manifests itself in many apart- 
ments, or rooms of living. Each generation must 
occupy its own apartment, and go in and out by 
its own door. That is, each generation must 
have its method by which to declare who is within 
and who is without. 

In the last two decades the gold from the mines 
of the world has doubled. Because gold is the 
foundation measure for values, the whole eco- 
nomic world seethes in irritation around the mov- 
ing of the landmarks which determined value. 
What is the source of this doubling of the gold? 
Have vast new veins and pockets been opened up? 
Not many. The gold has been doubled by the 
discovery of a new process by which it may be 
separated. The possibility of separating, and 
not the gold, has doubled. 

Gold is separated by its sensitiveness to quick- 
silver. This method of separation provided the 
last generation with its supply of gold. The 
stamp mills took the quartz, and faithfully stamp- 



130 THE PILOT FLAME 

ing night and day, reduced it to sand. The 
stream of water floated this sand out upon the 
wide table smoothly covered with quicksilver. 
The gold was attracted to the quicksilver and 
absorbed, and the waste sand went on and was 
piled up as useless tailings. 

But there emerges another possibility of 
separation, the cyanide process of gathering 
gold. By this new process, the tailings can 
be reworked. The world's supply of gold is 
doubled. 

The last generation had its separation by 
which it determined whether or not the sinner was 
sensitive to God. By the vivid process of focused 
conversion, hard hearts were beaten into the 
sand of the conviction of sin, just as the stamps 
beat the hard quartz into sand. The revival 
meeting with its stream of intense emotions car- 
ried this beaten sand of the broken and contrite 
hearts over the sensitive table of the quicksilver 
presence of Jesus. Many were drawn out and 
absorbed by Him, and are indeed true gold. The 
process of the focused conversion to separate 
those who should become the gold of eternal life 
from those who should go into the heap of tail- 
ings was a good and vigorous process. It sepa- 
rated pure gold. It likewise provided a large 
heap of tailings. By finding a process that will 
absorb the gold out of the tailings, it is possible 
that we may double the amount of the pure gold 
of Christian character which shall endure unto 
eternal life. 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 131 

Every modern pastor finds on the dump heap 
of his church a considerable number of people who 
ought to know themselves as Christians. On the 
dump heap just without the church, he finds the 
man who excels in civic righteousness, the man 
who is splendidly devoted to his family, the man 
whose business or professional integrity is the 
pillar of fire in the wilderness of dishonesty. 
Some process needs to be used by which the 
church can get the gold out of the tailings, some 
process by which such men may know themselves 
as Christians. When they know themselves as 
Christians, they do undertake the duties and re- 
sponsibilities of this relationship ; they do give 
their religious emotions a chance to come to 
vigor. When this additional method of separat- 
ing the gold of Christian character is applied 
with wisdom to the cases where it is needed, it has 
been found to provide as pure gold as the older 
method. 

By asking the question, "When do you feel that 
God is most real?" and finding out whether there 
is any experience that enables the question to 
be answered, you can declare to a man whether 
or not he ought to consciously recognize himself 
as a Christian. If he has some material of ex- 
perience with which to answer the question, you 
can declare to him that he has the station in his 
consciousness, that his instrument is signaling the 
wireless messages, that he needs to arise and 
learn the code, and then he will understand the 
messages, 



132 THE PILOT FLAME 

Marvelously effective for such cases has been 
found the use of a few verses from the tenth chap- 
ter of Romans. The difficulty most frequently 
expressed by such people, is that they do not feel 
that Jesus is a living personality. They ask the 
question, "Who shall descend into the deeps ; that 
is, to bring up Christ again from the dead?" The 
answer is, "The word is nigh thee, even in thy 
mouth, and in thy heart; that is, the word of 
faith, which we preach." The power to recognize 
God is already in your consciousness, although 
you may have choked it by denial. Give it a 
chance to come to vigorous growth, and it will 
become a fruitful vine. The next verse tells how 
to provide this vigorous growth: "If thou shalt 
confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt 
believe in thine heart that God hath raised him 
from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with 
the heart man believeth unto righteousness, 
and with the mouth confession is made unto salva- 
tion." 

It is one of those remarkable comprehensions of 
the great apostle that although he himself was 
gathered by the process of focused conversion, 
he yet recognized that many had already in their 
hearts the word of faith, and they but needed to 
give it expression in order to give it growth and 
power. During the last ten years a remarkably 
large number of the most genuine Christians have 
been gathered by this method. The practicing 
minister must discriminate with care as to whom 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 133 

he is to apply this process. It is entirely ef- 
fective with those who have such an intellectual 
development, that once their minds are thoroughly 
convinced they are in the habit of acting on the 
conviction. With the increasing number who act 
on convictions, this process becomes more largely 
useful. 

The cyanide process for soul gathering, the 
new measure by which it may be determined who 
is without and who is within, the new doorway into 
another apartment of the indwelling Father, may 
be used by ceasing to demand the beginning, and 
by inquiring into the present consciousness of 
the person. If you can demonstrate to him that 
his station is calling, you can induce him to learn 
the code, and to become as skillful a receiver and 
dispatcher of the wireless messages as you have 
in your congregation. 

Many souls linger lonely and unattached, out- 
side of the church, waiting for some overwhelming 
experience to knock them over on some Damascus 
road, long after they have passed out of the sec- 
ond decade of life when it is normal to have such 
experiences. Under the same impression as to 
the radical nature of an emotion, many linger 
lonely and unattached out of the married estate, 
wistfully expecting even down to old age, a trans- 
forming romance. Some observers who are will- 
ing to be informed by life as it is, are beginning 
to doubt if romantic enthusiasm can be relied 
upon to successfully arrange every marriage. It 



134 THE PILOT FLAME 

is not to be denied, of course, that romantic en- 
thusiasm does most successfully arrange mar- 
riages. But before the facts of the greatly in- 
creasing number of broken marriages, and the 
greatly increasing numbers who do not undertake 
marriage, it should be recognized that in many 
cases marriage may as successfully be undertaken 
upon a basis of fellowship as upon a basis of ro- 
mantic enthusiasm. 

Those who are able to admit two facts into 
their philosophy, who are able to work by more 
than one process in the business of reconciliation 
between God and man, will find a whole new range 
of people who can come to their reconciliation on 
the basis of fellowship. 

In every parish from the mining camp to the 
University center, we have found a considerable 
number whose faith has been smothered out by 
the rank growth of the materialism of twenty-five 
years ago. These are now people in middle life 
who see the rank nature of the weeds of material- 
ism they have been growing. If they knew how, 
they would give the delicate plant of faith a 
chance to grow. The new process, or rather the 
old Pauline process as described in the tenth 
chapter of Romans, has been successfully used. 
By faith and confession they are able to clear 
away the weeds and give the faith plant a chance 
to grow. Such undertake their reconciliation on 
the basis of fellowship, and it turns out very well. 

The written testimonies are rich in evidence as 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 135 

to the habits by which the presence of God is 
being] practiced. This evidence is particularly 
good because it deals in current events. These 
glimpses into the inner lives show that the Holy 
of Holiest is not empty, but that the Ark of the 
Presence is there, shedding forth glory which as 
a stream flows out and fills all the outer courts 
of living. In written testimonies the veil has been 
lifted which hangs before these inner sanctuaries 
which have been esteemed too sacred for the pub- 
lic gaze. 

Some doubt has arisen as to whether the Ark 
of the Presence is still with us. There is a de- 
mand that Christians publicly testify as to their 
interior experiences. The demand is that the Ark 
of the Presence shall be brought forth from its 
sacred seclusion, and be exposed in the blaze of 
publicity, that the multitude may be convinced 
that it is not lost, but that the Presence of God 
still dwells among men. When the host is strug- 
gling toward the promised land, it may be neces- 
sary to thus expose the Ark of the Presence, but 
when God's people are settled in their own land, 
and have builded unto Him a great temple, which 
is the demonstration of his Presence, it may be 
granted that for the most part the Ark of his 
Presence may be shrined in sacred privacy. 
Nevertheless, occasionally the veil may be lifted 
to assure ourselves that the Ark of the Presence 
is still with us. The Christian lives of our peo- 
ple have such an Holy place, and the Ark of the 



136 THE PILOT FLAME 

Presence is in it. Their lives are not those whited 
sepulchers within which are the dead men's bones 
of morbid and self-seeking thoughts. In their 
interior life, many have an "upper room," wide 
and clean and prepared for the use of their Lord, 
where he comes in to sup in fellowship. 

After reading the more than one hundred tes- 
timonials as to the habits of the people in per- 
ceiving that God is present, we exclaim: "It is 
all true ; all the things we claim for religion are 
actually done for people, not in some far time, 
but here in our midst." Let the manifold bless- 
ings wherewith God is able to bless him who call- 
eth be proclaimed with redoubled assurance! 

All but three testify that they were conscious 
of God's presence as the result or association of 
special habits of worship, or upon special occa- 
sions. The three say they feel Him always near, 
and at any time can reach up the arm of prayer 
and find Him. These may be called the ex- 
uberant Christians, and they are fairly scarce in 
this generation. Twenty-three distinct kinds of 
practices may be counted in association with 
which the presence of God is distinctly perceived. 
No doubt the list could be increased. For the 
sake of clearness, these practices have been ar- 
ranged into seven groups, in the order of their 
importance. The number of times the practice 
was mentioned have been counted, and the number 
enclosed in brackets, following the summary name 
of each group. The sum of these numbers is 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 137 

greater than the sum of the cases used, because 
generally more than one habit of perceiving God 
was mentioned. No attempt was made to induce 
people to specify a large number of practices, nor 
was any particular emphasis put upon this ques- 
tion. The returns may be considered as a fair 
inlook into the interior lives of the normal Chris- 
tian people. 

1. Private Devotions (52). Either Bible reading 

or prayer is speci- 
fied, Bible reading 
being apparently 
more frequent than 
prayler. In one 
case, the reading of 
hymns is specified. 

2. Public Worship (29). This includes singing 

a n d preaching, 
prayer-meeting and 
testimony meetings. 
Only four particu- 
larly enj oy testi- 
monies, and an 
equal number men- 
tion that they dis- 
J i k e testimonies. 
The number that 
mention preaching 
and the number that 
mention singing are 
about equal. 



138 THE PILOT FLAME 

3. Service (20). In nearly every case it is speci- 

fied that the service 
must have been to 
the point of self- 
sac rjfice. Giving 
to the needy, Sun- 
day School teach- 
ing,, and all forms 
of activity are in- 
cluded. 

4. Crises of Life (18). This includes the death of 

a dearly beloved, 
grave sickness, fi- 
nancial trouble, de- 
cisions for a life of 
special Christian 
service, and private 
difficulties. 

5. In Thought (10). Cases where it is carefully 

mentioned that 
thinking which has 
reached a vital and 
illuminating con- 
clusion, has brought 
the exhilaration of 
the perception of 
God. 

6. In Nature (9). The contemplation of wide 

views, the aspects 
of the forest, the 
feeling of spring, 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 139 

the sunset and the 
stars are mentioned. 
The association of 
the master work- 
man is perceived in 
his handiwork. 
7. Intercessory Prayer (7) . Personal knowledge 

of those who per- 
ceive God best by 
intercessory prayer 
makes it apparent 
that these people 
also love a revival. 
The habit of find- 
ing God was begun 
in a revival meet- 
ing, and associa- 
tions thus formed 
are powerful 
enough to bring 
some return of the 
beginning emotion. 
Some of our mem- 
bers hunger for a 
revival, as for the 
return of spring. 
They need the an- 
nual revival, since 
this is their best 
method of associa- 
tion with God. 



140 THE PILOT FLAME 

The nearly doubled accent which by this count 
falls upon private devotions is not to be ques- 
tioned. Bible reading and prayer are the manna 
of the soul, which must be gathered fresh every 
day. At least half the energy of the church 
should be directed to arranging the private de- 
votions of the people, and to inquiring by some 
careful method of oversight as to whether the 
Bible reading is with understanding and the 
prayer with devotion. 

The largest failure of the church is to suffi- 
ciently emphasize the private devotions of the peo- 
ple, and to inquire with tenderness and with per- 
sonal directness into their condition. The habit 
of actually dissolving worries and laying 1 down 
burdens by the method of private prayer is fad- 
ing out of general use. 

Spiritual exercises should be as carefully and 
specifically arranged, as present day exercises for 
the body, and the people should be urged to ob- 
serve them with the same practical energy and 
faith that we have in bodily exercises. The great 
accent on Bible study in classes fails somewhat in 
teaching the people how to make application of 
spiritual exercises to their own needs. By per- 
sonal practice they should have ready access to 
the illumination which comes from a contempla- 
tion of Jesus, they should be able to soften a too 
harsh and grasping ambition by a meditation on 
death and eternity, they should be able to cast 
out worry, with the power of love and a sound 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 141 

mind; they should be kept from nervousness by 
the peace which passeth understanding, and they 
should have ready in practice the prayer of faith 
that shall heal the sick. 

Spiritual exercises should be as carefully ad- 
justed to the individual as glasses to the eyes. 
The first principle of this adjustment is associa- 
tion. In a remarkable number of cases it is men- 
tioned that the practice through which God was 
first consciously recognized, is the practice by 
which the return of His presence is most surely 
recognized. Where this connection has not been 
noticed, it has yet been found to hold good in 
many instances. The method by which God has 
become conscious in a life, makes a passage-way 
by which he can most readily come again. 
Whether or not conversion shall lead on to a life 
of devotion, depends upon a habit of recognizing 
God being formed by the deposits that are left 
upon the receding of the first strong tide of feel- 
ing. If, at this time, it is recognized that God 
can enter again by the doorway that has been 
opened, and the habit of thus receiving Him is 
formed upon a high tide of feeling, this habit will 
suffice for a life-time. This is the first and most 
important principle of adjustment by which spirit- 
ual exercises should be adapted to the individual. 
The method of his incoming once having been 
discovered, the habit of receiving Him must be 
formed and emphasized and accented. He who is 
passing through his conversion, and is ignorant 



142 THE PILOT FLAME 

of his own spiritual nature, should be tenderly 
and sympathetically and individually guided. 
The failure of evangelism on the wholesale is at 
this point. The wave of feeling recedes and the 
habit of receiving God is not formed. 

Not only the first wave of feeling, but any 
subsequent vital spiritual experience will provide 
valuable memories by which the experience itself 
may be at least partially reproduced. Any verse 
of Scripture, any rhythm of poetry, that has pro- 
duced unusual illumination, any text associated 
with a sermon that has brought about conviction, 
should be treasured and learned. It can then be 
recalled in time of spiritual torpor, and if mem- 
ory carefully associates it with the circumstances 
under which it was first the incident of the gen- 
uine spiritual feeling, it will have a remarkable 
power in bringing again that feeling. 

Not only memory, but hope may be used to 
energize the religious feeling. The method by 
which hope is to be applied, is a definite medita- 
tion on the end to be obtained. The method of 
applying hope is to be used when the strength or 
courage fails before an undertaking. This is 
the method which Jesus used as he faced the fear- 
ful agony of His passion and death. The High 
Priestly prayer, offered just before He crossed 
the brook Kedron, going into the garden of the 
shadows, moves in the consciousness of the pas- 
sion and death and resurrection accomplished. 
His last promise to his disciples before He en- 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 143 

tered the garden was the assurance that he would 
go before them into Galilee. Jesus gathered 
strength for his supreme struggle, by a medita- 
tion on the purposes to be attained, by a dwell- 
ing on the goodness of Galilee fellowship. He de- 
liberately put Himself down on the far side of His 
agony and struggle, and looked at it as if it were 
accomplished. When courage fails before an 
agony), or energy before fan undertaking, the 
definite method of obtaining spiritual help, is a 
meditation from the far side of the agony or the 
undertaking. This method of applying hope is 
unconsciously practiced; it should be definitely 
recognized and the practice of it learned by every 
partaker of the promises. 

Both memories and meditations are doubled 
in value if they can be ready in the consciousness 
to be used when they are needed. They can only 
be ready in consciousness if they have come out 
of the experience and need of the individual. 

As specialized exercises are needed for weak- 
ness of the body, and as a specialized medicine 
is needed in sickness, so specialized help and ex- 
pert council are needed in the formation of habits 
of devotion. Comparatively few have a sufficient 
grip on the principles of association and medita- 
tion to apply them to themselves. 

The failure of almost all methods of arranging 
devotions is that they are based upon the calen- 
dar, or upon the religious year, or upon the uni- 
versal Sunday School lesson, rather than upon 



144 THE PILOT FLAME 

the needs of the individual. The general menu 
may help to remind us what is in the market, but 
it fails to be of much assistance in catering to the 
appetite and needs of the individual. In the 
same way, the general menu of the Sunday School 
lesson, or the consecutive reading of a given Book 
of the Bible, may fail to provide the spiritual ex- 
ercises needed for the worry, the nervousness, the 
struggle, or the sickness of the day. While no 
church could undertake to select the daily spirit- 
ual menu, it could yet clearly teach the people 
how their needs can be most genuinely supplied, 
and could help them to form for themselves the 
habits of vital devotion. When the church learns 
to make individual adjustments of spiritual exer- 
cises, it will find an almost inexhaustible market 
for its services. The demand for the services of 
the church fails, not because they are not good 
and useful services, but because they are so gen- 
eral that the individual fails in appropriating 
them. 

The accent upon public worship as a method 
of practicing the presence of God, is only a little 
more than half as great as that upon private de- 
votions. When it is considered that public wor- 
ship includes singing, preaching, prayer-meeting 
and testimony meetings of all kinds, the question 
will be asked, "Are we not devoting too much en- 
ergy to the public service, and too little to pri- 
vate devotions?" 

This question should not be superficially an- 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 145 

swered. Because there is a special relish for 
strawberries, it may not be wise to banish meat 
and potatoes from the diet. If the public serv- 
ices are looked upon as meals, and the members 
of the household of faith are assembled to partake 
of them, as the children are summoned to assemble 
around the family table, no mistakes will be made 
as to the relative importance of the various fac- 
tors. It is not wholesome to constantly eat 
alone ; neither is it wholesome to constantly wor- 
ship alone. Where there are two or three con- 
genial friends, there is comfort and there is rich- 
ness of fellowship. Jesus says where two or three 
are gathered together there am I in the midst. 
The "two-or-three" meetings may provide rich- 
ness of fellowship. A great banquet provides in- 
spiration and that genial warmth of the social 
spirit which is generated by numbers of one mind 
in one place. A great Supper of the Soul pro- 
vides inspiration and a genial glow, that atmos- 
phere in which the united efforts of public better- 
ment are undertaken. 

If the public services are the meals of the 
household, the wise caretaker of the family table 
will provide a variety, will remember the various 
preferences of the individuals, and supply them in 
season, but will also provide on the whole sub- 
stantial and carefully wrought upon services, at 
regular intervals. As the housemother gets her 
best reward when her meals are eaten with appe- 
tite and forgotten, so the housemother of the soul 



146 THE PILOT FLAME 

gets his best reward, when his services are at- 
tended with satisfaction, assimilated to the soul's 
health and forgotten. 

3. Service. Only twenty mention that follow- 
ing service do they have the afterglow of that 
servant who hears the "Well done" of his beloved 
master. Yet we know that to establish and make 
permanent any redeeming emotion, it must be ex- 
pressed in an activity. To obtain the twenty 
mentions of service, all forms of service from giv- 
ing to the poor to Sunday School teaching, had* 
to be included. In two cases it is claimed that 
the writer did not know by experience what was 
self-sacrifice. In a number of expressions may be 
detected a certain scorn of looking for any re- 
ward of service. In no case was Christian gener- 
osity or attendance upon the services of the 
church looked upon as service, with the exception 
of Sunday School teaching. The self-denial men- 
tioned is the giving up of some pleasure or de- 
sired social indulgence, rather than money or time 
contributions. 

The wage of joy in payment for service is 
nearly lost out of the lives of the people. It is 
as rare as conscious thankfulness for daily food. 
So far are we lifted above the margin of sub- 
sistence, that the universal feeling is that we 
should have daily food as a right rather than as 
a bounty. If for any cause the daijy food is 
shortened as to quantity or variety, there is the 
bitter cry of injustice or wrong done somewhere. 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 147 

The habit of giving fervid thanks before and 
after a scant meal is lost. The stimulus of 
thankfulness as an aid to digestion is also lost. 
Since digestion waits on appetite, and appetite is 
stimulated by thankful contentment, it may be 
pointed out that one of the causes of the modern 
inability to rejoice and digest its more abundant 
food is the failure to feel thankful. 

Upon this analogy it may be seen why the wage 
of joy for service is largely lost out of the lives 
of the people. The church fails to give thanks 
and to rejoice over the ordinary gifts of main- 
tenance, both of money and of time. It is a mis- 
take to put the whole maintenance of the church 
upon the debt-paying basis, for joy does not 
follow the paying of a debt. The contributions 
of the people should be received as gifts, and any 
gift that is brought into the house of the Lord 
should be the occasion of rejoicing and thanksgiv- 
ing. If the people should feel genuinely thank- 
ful for the daily food, the church should rejoice 
and return thanks for the weekly envelope, it 
should recognize and honor the contributions of 
time and attention given to the maintenance of its 
services. The failure on the part of the church 
to rejoice and give thanks for service has brought 
about the condition where in an age of greatest 
Christian generosity there is the least conscious 
receiving of the wage of joy for service. As the 
giving of thanks, even before a scant meal, pro- 
motes digestion, so the giving of the wage of re- 



148 THE PILOT FLAME 

joicing even for scant contributions, aids in the 
more effective reception of the spiritual meals of 
the church. No cold rights of debt collecting 
should be claimed by the church, for by so doing 
she fails to pay the wage of joy for service. No 
superior scorn for the rewards of service should 
be encouraged. The laborer is worthy of his hire 
in every phase of life, and service of the Lord 
should get its wage of joy. The following testi- 
mony is the best example we have of the kind of 
feeling that should normally follow service. 

"I have had many experiences, nearly all upon 
rendering some service, or when I have sacrificed my- 
self that I might by so doing aid somebody who 
seemed to need it more. Then I have had God's 
presence in a very marked manner, and have been 
very happy." 

4. Crises of the Interior Life. Not so fre- 
quently as in the former generations are sorrow 
and calamity the source of a deeper sanctifica- 
tion. Bitterness and discouragement naturally 
follow upon an economic calamity; only when 
wrought upon by the Christian spirit does 
calamity become the teacher of cheerful patience 
and renewing courage. Many roots of bitter- 
ness remain in Christian lives, which springing 
up make of no avail the benefits of the promises. 
Still there are some whose deep distress is sancti- 
fied unto them, as is shown in the following testi- 
monies : 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 149 

"At a time of great sorrow, when I had received 
a telegram telling me my father was dead, when I was 
sobbing in frenzy, a great and holy calm fell on my 
heart. Many times in difficulty I have felt led by 
God, and have been directed by prayer and by read- 
ing the Bible/' 

"My daughter was dying, and I was anxious that 
she have a clear experience before she passed away. 
In my praying to this end, Christ appeared to be 
very near to me. My prayers were answered, and 
my daughter was reconciled to death." 

In several cases of grave sickness and upon the 
taking of an anesthetic, it was vividly realized that 
underneath were the everlasting arms. 

5 and 6. In Thought and in Nature. It may 
be surprising that these two methods of feeling 
the illumination of God's presence should re- 
ceive a considerable accent. They may be said 
to be the modern methods. The tremendous de- 
velopment of the authority of thinking, makes it 
useful to be able to affirm that a man can find 
God by thinking after Him as well as by feeling 
after Him. In ten cases it is mentioned that 
clear and careful thinking upon some of the great 
doctrines of the relationship of God had brought 
the perception of his presence. In student Bible 
classes where discussion was the method of teach- 
ing a number knew that He was in the midst. 
The following are two such expressions: 

"I can best worship God through thought. He 
seems to me nearer ; although if it is quiet around me, 



150 THE PILOT FLAME 

I get good from prayer. More and more I feel a 
desire to read the Bible." 

"My most real sense of the presence of God comes 
from private study of the Bible. It has always been 
my source of inspiration. I am getting much from 
real thinking, and from quiet talks with a dear friend.'* 

Lifting up the eyes unto the hills and consider- 
ing the heavens, does produce a feeling of as- 
sociation with the master-workman. This as- 
sociation in some cases is so intense as to approach 
a doctrine of pantheism. Because of this danger 
of teaching a doctrine of pantheism the possi- 
bility of finding God in association with his works 
has not been so generally encouraged. If this 
danger is to be avoided, we must have a clear doc- 
trine of association rather than of pantheism. 

What is that presence that the poet feels hov- 
ering so near the flower in the crannied wall, and 
that most of us can detect above the splendid ex- 
pansiveness of a wide view, or in the overwhelming 
majesty of a mountain peak crowned with eternal 
snow? Is it a presence some of us love to come 
upon in the mysterious recesses of the great for- 
ests? Has it a personality, that finger we feel 
we can almost touch in the glory of the great 
abysses? That witchery of life that tumbles with 
the cataracts, is it a delusion? Is it not an as- 
sociation ? 

When a thing is made and completed, it is cut 
off from the maker. He has no further power 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 151 

over it. Watch the man blowing glass for win- 
dows. Through the long blow-pipe, the breath 
of his body enters into the glowing ball of molten 
glass. The mass expands and grows until it 
is a great cylinder. Blowing, swinging, forming, 
he truly made it. But when the cylinder has 
passed on to the flattener, his relationship to it is 
ended. The glass-blower does not interfere with 
the glass in my window; his breath does not ani- 
mate it, nor does he keep it from getting broken. 
Nevertheless he made it, and if I am not satisfied 
with seeing the glass in the window, but want to 
trace it back to its origin, I cannot explain it 
without admitting that the glass-blower made it. 
In the same way God made the world; the breath 
of his purpose went into it; the ultimate nature 
of things requires God the maker, just as the 
glass requires the blower. On that first Satur- 
day night, after the week of toil in making the 
world, it is said that the heavens and earth were 
finished and all the hosts of them, and God saw 
everything that he had made and behold it was 
very good. God viewed his work with satisfac- 
tion, just as a glass-blower might pause for a 
moment in going out on Saturday night, and view 
with satisfaction a car-load of glass finished and 
going out into the world to its intended useful- 
ness. 

When you see a window glass, you generally 
think nothing about the blower. His work may 
have required a considerable degree of skill, but 



152 THE PILOT FLAME 

he blows many cylinders an hour, day after day, 
so that there is behind his work no great degree 
of idea or personality. The machines are even 
now taking over his work, and mind that is be- 
hind the making of the glass is further banished. 
But when you see a rarely beautiful piece of cut 
glass, through which the light shimmers in a 
thousand rainbows, you think of the skill of the 
maker; his hand comes nearer. If you yourself 
were a glass-cutter, and were shown a mag- 
nificently perfect piece of work, you would recog- 
nize in the work the master of the craft which 
you followed. By looking at the perfection of 
the work which you longed to do and could not, 
you might even come to love the master workman 
you had never seen. In the perfect piece of work, 
your mind would meet the master-mind. Through 
your craft of glass-cutting you would come into 
a kind of relationship. Occasionally you meet a 
cutter who with reverent pride will show you a 
piece he has cut after the manner of some mas- 
ter craftsman of the old world. By trying to 
cut after the perfect pattern, association brings 
knowledge of the master-mind. 

When you behold a cataract, shimmering with 
its myriad rainbows, more largely beautiful than 
any piece of cut glass, the ideal of what is beauti- 
ful in you rushes out to greet the realization 
of beauty from under the hand of the master 
workman. In the perfection of his skill, your 
mind greets his, and in the excellent glory of 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 153 

the things which he has made, you know Him. 

This doctrine of knowing the mind of God by 
appreciating his work, gets strength when it is 
considered that Jesus described his oneness with 
God, as consisting of knowledge of God. As ap- 
preciation of the best in music and in art is cul- 
ture, so appreciation of the best creative work- 
manship may be devotion. 

Very simple people may have this apprecia- 
tion, men who arise early to deliver milk and 
who see the dawn, men who are making the sur- 
veys of the wilderness, or who are protecting the 
natural resources. Three such young men write 

as follows: 

i 

"My life in the mountains and wilderness section 
of the state, makes it impossible for me to attend 
any church. But the hills seem to me to be more 
truly His temples than those built by men; indeed, 
the city churches have seemed to me temples of con- 
ventional forms rather than temples of religion and 
brotherly love." 

"I find my greatest blessing or feeling of nearness 
of God when I think of his wonderful works. I feel 
his love more abundantly at such times." 

"Sometimes in the evening as the stars are out in 
all their beauty and I stroll out somewhere, I look 
up and can almost feel I am able to talk directly to 
God. Then, again, as I have seen men's lives touched 
by some power divine, it draws me toward Him. 
Bible study and personal meditation also mean much 
to me." 



154 THE PILOT FLAME 

The following testimony shows an appreciation 
of the privacy of the stars. The man who loves 
this privacy is one whose business is in a great 
hotel through which roars the traffic of the city. 

"I get my greatest blessing when alone with God. 
When trials specially heavy come, I always take a 
walk. Under the stars, alone with God I fight it out, 
and get a victory which comes in no other way to me. 
These experiences do me more good than anything 
else. Preaching does not move me often, and I shrink 
from testimony. Each day I have to fight the same 
battle over again, and I know I must continue to do so 
to the end. Self will assert itself, and I need to keep 
a close watch." 

For a look into the normal devotional habits 
of the people, a number of little testimonies are 
quoted, showing how the methods of realizing God 
are generally grouped, with that tremendous ac- 
cent on private devotions. 

"Prayerful meditation is most helpful. At times 
of great trial I have found God closer and more real. 
I do not get much help out of testimony meetings." 

"Private reading of the Bible brings me nearest to 
God, although I am often thrilled by prayer, testi- 
mony and preaching. My faith is strengthened most 
by reading the biographies of modern workers, and 
by contact with vigorous Christians." 

"I have felt God's presence as a result of self- 
sacrifice, and in the study of nature, but I think I 



THE PRESENCE OF GOD 155 

have had the keenest sense of his presence in private 
devotions and in prayer." 

"When I go tired and blue to prayer-meeting, I 
am nearly always refreshed. I feel God nearest 
when singing, especially the old hymns. I find Him 
very near in testimony." 

"My most vivid experiences have come when I have 
truly said, 'Thy will be done.' I get my most real 
sense that God is present in private reading of the 
Bible." 

"I find God's presence nearest when in communion 
with Him in prayer, especially in the ministry of 
intercession. My greatest uplift is meeting with 
a few who have on their hearts some particular per- 
son to plead for." 

"I feel the reality of God most deeply when in 
prayer with a few fellow workers." 

"Christ's presence is made manifest in various ways, 
but less often on account of direct prayer than from 
prayerful contemplation, when I seem to commune 
directly with Him." 

Here are two of the exuberant Christians, 
whose word is added in order to have the full 
range of the methods of devotion. 

"I cannot say that there is any special way in 
which I get the most real sense of God's presence, 
for to me he is present in everything, and the feeling 
which comes to me in his Divine presence is such 
that I cannot find language to express it. He has 
wonderfully answered my prayers again and again." 

"At any time in the day I can turn my heart to 



156 THE PILOT FLAME 

God and feel the reality of his presence, although 
I have had several specially vivid experiences." 

The wide range of testimonies will make clear 
the fact that relationship to God is a personal re- 
lationship, capable of being realized under many 
aspects. 

If a number of men should be asked when they 
have the most real sense of possession in their 
wife and family, one would say: "When we are 
gathered around a cozy little dinner, all well and 
happy together"; another: "When my business 
is difficult and I must strain every nerve to suc- 
ceed, the spur is the sense of doing it for my 
family"; another: "When I make some personal 
sacrifice that my wife and children may be bene- 
fited;" and another: "When I saw my child die, 
then I realized my possession and my loss." 
There would be found a number who would say, 
"I carry about with me always the sense of my 
wife and family; they are the background of my 
thought all the time, on my mind and heart, so 
that one time is not very different from another." 
According to our temperament, or maybe more 
accurately according to the accidents of our ex- 
perience, we realize our affection in our family; 
after the same fashion we have possession in our 
God. 



CHAPTER V 
THE LETTERED AND THE LEARNED 

At a recent Wesleyan Conference, Mrs. Hugh 
Price Hughes of the West London Mission, made 
this plea for Christian testimony: "Testimony 
of the right sort goes right to the heart of peo- 
ple who sit unmoved throughout any amount of 
Christian apologetics. I myself realized personal 
religion through the personal testimony of a lit- 
tle girl friend — the daughter of Benjamin Hel- 
lier — who told me of what Jesus Christ had done 
for her. One girl I know of in London, rescued 
from the depths of infamy, has gone among other 
girls of the same sort, and has built up a whole 
class-meeting of such cases. What I want to 
plead for is that the work of personal witnesses 
for Jesus should not be left to the unlettered and 
the unlearned." 

In answer to this plea, which is the voice for 
very many who are called to work not in the slums, 
but among the average people, the following testi- 
monies are offered. Each of the testimonies in 
this chapter comes from a man who has, in his, 
own experience, sustained the shock of material- 
ism; each is from a man who occupied a profes- 
sor's chair in a state university; not in a sec- 
tarian school. In quoting the experiences, the 
157 



158 THE PILOT FLAME 

personalities of the men providing them have been 
so thinly veiled, that they will be readily recog- 
nized by all who have known them, and the testi- 
monies will come with the strength, of a speaking 
voice. 

Not all the testimonies from the men of the 
university faculties are included in this chapter. 
Strong streams of living Christian influence flow 
down from the lives of many professors in state 
universities. Their testimony is the stronger, be- 
cause they are removed from any suspicion of 
professional necessity. The testimonies selected 
illustrate the two distinct types of experience, 
and incidentally they very nearly cover the de- 
partments of university instruction. 

An educator friend, fresh from a pilgrimage 
to Harvard and to Columbia universities, came to 
sit with me a few days on my porch last summer. 
Although we had met occasionally on the surface, 
it had been nearly twenty years since I had 
greeted his soul. At the close of our student days 
together at Stanford University, we had parted 
in alienation. The final judgment of this friend 
upon me was that I must be a hypocrite. All 
around the Stanford Quadrangle we sat in class- 
rooms together, and in every one of them was 
being taught some phase of materialistic evolu- 
tion. How could I know what I must know to en- 
able me to pass blithely all the quizzes, and yet 
have the presumption to cling to the memory of 
a youthful emotional experience. To declare 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 159 

that God had called me to the Christian ministry, 
and to determine even at great financial sacrifice, 
that I was under some fantastic obligation to 
undertake this humiliating work, was, in his opin- 
ion, to exhibit myself still bound in the swaddling 
bands of the dark ages of superstition. My little 
experience was sneered out of argument as evi- 
dence, and I shut it up in silence. Yet all the 
time it ruled and dispatched my actions. The 
energy of that experience had taken me out of the 
woods where I was cutting logs on the old New 
Hampshire farm; it had dispatched me through 
the preparatory school and two universities, and 
without any great friction or privations, had pro- 
vided bed and board and books all along the way. 
In order that I might fitly contain and acceptably 
pour out that experience to the people, I had 
brought the clay of my earthen vessel, and de- 
posited it on the wheel of the universities that it 
might be properly shaped. When that shaping 
was accomplished, to refuse to put the vessel to 
its intended purpose would shock a necessary in- 
tegrity of my nature. 

My friend classified me as destined to belong to 
the Jesuitical species who clothe the people in the 
moth-eaten garments of an outdated theology, 
while retaining for personal use the white robes of 
pure truth. 

We parted in alienation. I have written ser- 
mons enough to fill sixteen volumes in the shadow 
of the determination never to preach anything 



160 THE PILOT FLAME 

beyond what I intellectually believed. During the 
early years this friend came once to hear me 
preach. He reported at alma mater that I looked 
pretty and told the people to be good. He may 
have been justified in the sneer. My first sermon 
was from the text "He went about doing good." 
I have reproduced this sermon with many varia- 
tions. 

Twenty years soften alienations, and enrich the 
memories of affections. Wistfully I welcomed 
my friend to sit upon my porch. Carefully I 
avoided the depths ; I displayed my family ; I dis- 
played my participation in social betterments, 
those strenuous and thankless works that ought 
to earn a wage of universal respect. 

My friend had changed in his attitude toward 
me. I seemed to shake off the old accusation of 
being a hypocrite, and to be stimulated by an un- 
expected respect. He spoke of the practice of 
religion as that "strange necessity of the peo- 
ple." He said that the maintenance of the com- 
munion, with the practice of having the people 
come forward and kneel when it was received, un- 
doubtedly had the best authority of psychology 
behind it, because an interior state was expressed 
in a related action. With a research interest, he 
inquired as to my success in making an activity 
follow an emotion. 

I was so cheered with these crumbs from under 
the table of the banquet of knowledge, that by 
the second day, I began eagerly inquiring as to 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 161 

the method of serving the courses at the great 
banqueting tables. From the discourses of my 
friend, I gathered a number of conceptions as to 
the progress of the last twenty years. When we 
sat together at the banqueting table, the favorite 
flavoring of the courses was physiology; now the 
favorite flavoring is psychology. But it is not 
the laboratory investigation, reaction time, case 
counting psychology we knew, but a new brand. 
Yet the psychology of our day laid the founda- 
tion for the new, because it made the demonstra- 
tion that not thought but feeling dispatched ac- 
tivities. The new flavor is the comprehension of 
feeling. The new exploration is of that unknown 
cellar of the soul from which feeling arises. The 
new investigation asks in what aspects feeling 
may be said to be a more reliable guide to con- 
duct than a reasoned process. And the reach of 
positive culture is the study of how the volume 
and dispatching energy of the desirable varieties 
of emotion may be increased. 

As one who feels himself old, my friend ac- 
knowledged that it was strange and difficult for 
him to find his way around in the world of feeling, 
and to rethink a scheme of things which eliminated 
the time element. On the last day of sitting to- 
gether on my porch, he told that as an act of de- 
votion he was consecrating his Sunday evenings 
to the preparation of a manual for teachers, 
showing them the meditative and association proc- 
esses by which they could get more fresh energy 



162 THE PILOT FLAME 

of feeling into their work. Wistfully he explained 
that teachers needed the warm stream of devo- 
tion turned into their lives; that they needed en- 
thusiasm in their somewhat barren work, even as 
much as they needed increased pay. 

When this bread from off the banqueting tables 
of high knowledge had been given me, I exuber- 
ated with joy. My hot emotions came pouring 
out. I felt that tingling joy of a new morning. 
There surged up in my consciousness the feeling 
of fifteen years ago, when working in a frontier 
parish, I discovered out of a box of new books 
from Germany, that archeology had turned the 
flank of higher criticism, and that henceforth I 
was released to preach the old Book with greater 
confidence and authority. 

For the first time in twenty years I felt that I 
could wrap the scholar's gown about me, and find 
in it warmth and comfort, and that the wearing 
of it would put helpful authority behind my ef- 
forts to get my people forward into the promised 
land of better Christian attainment. 

Has not the time come to bring out of silence 
the religious experiences that were vital enough 
to creep out from under the great stone of ma- 
terialism which was let down upon them, vital 
enough to put up some shoots and to manage to 
live, even with the weight of the great stone 
upon their roots? During twelve years of the 
pastoral care of two large churches whose affilia- 
tions are with two state universities, my own 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 163 

faith has gotten its sap from the men on the 
faculties who have been members and sympathetic 
workers in my churches. At least one from every 
department of study and investigation, I have 
known intimately ; they have been the friends who 
sit down by my fireside and eat my apples. All 
restraints of publicity being removed, I have in- 
quired of them confidentially if they had any per- 
ceptions of themselves as hypocrites. 

There was the Man in Zoology, he who had 
skill in getting little echinoid hearts hung on 
glass hooks, and in keeping them beating in a 
chemical solution. He handled with his hands the 
word of knowledge in the origins of life. Yet at 
the church door he was a hearty gladhander, and 
he enjoyed singing in the chorus when there were 
special meetings. 

One evening he rang my study bell in the 
midst of a storm. He thought he would catch me 
in, and we would have a good talk. When, welded 
by the storm without and the privacy within, we 
had come to good confidence, I said, "Tell me, you 
Man in Zoology, how do you get along with this 
matter of your religion. You seem to be thor- 
oughly enjoying religion, and thoroughly work- 
ing at science, and I can't detect, any conflict 
going on in your interior?" 

The Man in Zoology stretched himself comfort- 
ably before the fire, with the peace of an onlooker 
upon a conflict, and said, — "It is the fellows 
higher up in the theoretic departments who create 



164 THE PILOT FLAME 

that conflict. We men in Zoology who are work- 
ing on the foundations, know how uncertain they 
are, and so we don't build any tall towers upon 
them for ourselves. Just to-day my chief came 
out of his private laboratory, and told us that he 
had concluded that after ten years of work, he 
was on the wrong scent for the fact in the origin 
of life he was tracking. We admired him for his 
courage when he managed to smile, and to tell us 
that we would clear out all the apparatus of the 
experiments and begin over again. 

"I don't see any necessity of attempting to live 
in an unfinished house. I passed one next door to 
you here, that was as far as the rafters, and the 
rain was beating in and the wind whistling 
through. That is science. 

"Religion is a much lived in old house, and it 
is home to me. My father was a preacher, the 
hearty kind that had revivals. I was converted 
at one of his meetings, and it was a genuine and 
good experience. Nothing I have ever known has 
felt so good as the rejoicing around me that 
night. The care with which father got me ready 
to join the church made a true transition from 
childhood into life. Church folks are my folks, 
and I like them. 

"I like going to church on Sunday mornings, 
as I do the Sunday dinners my mother used to 
bring out of the oven. Fifteen years I have been 
living in boarding houses, and have been receiving 
my lukewarm portion of course dinners. Now, I 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 165 

will tell you what I came down for this evening. 
I am going to have for my very own, forever and 
ever, the nicest girl in your congregation. I am 
hoping she will have whole chickens and big dishes 
of mashed potatoes for Sunday dinners ; I have 
had course dinners enough. The church, the girl 
and the Sunday dinners create in me that warm 
glow of happiness which means home. I never 
get such feelings out of the finest laboratories in 
the world with the sea water running through 
them. 

"Yes, my dear pastor, I will have another 
apple. I like eating apples by your study fire, 
and having some one to talk to who understands 
about my girl. When I have obtained the girl 
and the study fire, in memory of you, I will sup- 
port an apple box of my own. When I find fel- 
lows bilious with doubt, I will bring them in and 
feed them apples." 

My Man in Zoology peeled a long circling 
peeling with the deft precision of his dissecting 
hands, and we agreed that it should go on the 
coals, because we liked the fragrance of a sizzling 
peeling. As he munched he continued: 

"You remember Longfellow's Excelsior boy, 
who carried the banner with a strange device 
through snow and ice? He scorned the valleys 
where the hearth fires glowed, and where the even- 
ing lamps of home were lighted. And finally he 
perished in the night and the cold, out there alone 
by himself. A big dog had to go out and bring 



166 THE PILOT FLAME 

in the body. My respect goes to the big dog and 
not to the fool boy. If you are going to make 
any useful Excelsior excursions amid the snow 
and ice of the mountain tops of unascertained 
knowledge, you must have a home base in the 
valley. The old romantic scheme of discovering 
the north pole was after the pattern of the Ex- 
celsior boy. The Excelsior boys all perished in 
the snow, while the conquest of the pole is ob- 
tained by the faithful building of snow houses to 
sleep in, having the grub on hand, and the back 
track kept open. We who are pursuing the 
north poles of knowledge, have no need of mak- 
ing ourselves lonely ; the best preparation for a 
dash amid snow and ice is to get full of warmth 
and cheer by the fires of home." 

After some months my Man in Zoology received 
his promotion to another great University; there 
was a homelike wedding, with a whole chicken din- 
ner, and he departed with the nicest girl in the 
congregation. The other day, we received the 
"stork" card and my mind went back to the rainy 
night by my study fire. Friends of passage tell 
me that he has "folks" in the great church that 
stands by the university, and "folks" among the 
students. From the stream that flows out of his 
interior life, "folks" feel the hearth fires of home 
and the evening lamp, and the sustaining strength 
of that old house of living that is builded on a 
sure foundation; they are not frosted with Ex- 
celsior snow and ice, nor forced out into those 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 167 

desolate wastes that are not yet made ready for 
"folks" to dwell in. 

That hearty father who believed in revivals, 
who saw his boy converted at his own altar, who 
carefully prepared him to join the church, and 
that wholesome mother who followed the church 
service with a good dinner, succeeded in lighting 
in their boy's soul the pilot flame of faith and 
hope, all bound about with the associations of af- 
fection. He is set now in the midst of forming 
life ; from his interior life and conviction flow 
streams of living influence. Because the pilot 
flame is lighted, the streams of influence flow out 
warm. Affectionate association is able to keep 
the pilot flame burning, and to heat up even the 
cold waters of Zoology. 

My Man in Physics was one of those on whom 
the lot fell to do the sustaining drudgery of the 
university. He put the freshman class through 
the laboratory courses. He did the kneading for 
the great batches of bread-baking. Solid and 
accurate, he was, able to explain to the utter- 
most, able to show the point in Physics where as- 
certained knowledge ends and guessing and imagi- 
nation begins. In the Sunday School he taught 
a Bible class, and he always stayed for the morn- 
ing service. 

When the sermon would be going at a good 
gait, and the time had come when I needed some 
sustaining warmth for a lift, I would look to the 
light on his strong face. His expression was that 



168 THE PILOT FLAME 

"yea, yea" of sympathetic appreciation which a 
speaker craves for the dispatching energy to lift 
a crowd of people. He had an invalid wife and a 
garden and to both he gave that rich devotion 
which is expressed in minute care and the high 
joy of giving. 

When classes were out, I liked lingering in his 
laboratory, and getting all the wealth of his force 
of instruction concentrated on me. He would 
show me the choice apparatus, and tell me what it 
demonstrated. With the words of accuracy upon 
the crossing places of the application, he showed 
me how the conclusion, which is called the law of 
the conservation of energy, is the one basis of the 
whole modern attitude which looks upon the uni- 
verse as an interplay of natural forces. Some- 
what troubled, he told me that the men in Physics 
rather shuddered at being made to shoulder the 
whole responsibility of applying this law to his- 
tory and to sociology, for he said, we are not sure 
that the conclusion covers the universe. 

I put to him the question I wanted answered by 
the man who knew. "Does your most accurate 
knowledge of electricity make it a concept like 
our concept of spirit, or more like our concept of 
matter?" 

And he replied, "Electricity gets less like mat- 
ter, the more we know of it. It transcends the 
earlier conceptions of force, and easily leads 
your mind off into vast regions where time 
and distance and the stepping stones of 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 169 

matter are eliminated. It is undoubtedly the 
modern analogy by which we can understand 
spirit." 

My Man in Physics lent me the books on elec- 
tricity that a layman could read and understand. 
With his careful accuracy he showed me the 
analogy; he showed me how to make the con- 
nections, so that now I can light my churches 
with the inspiration of this conception. He 
showed me how readily the age of electricity might 
be the forerunner of the age of the spirit. He 
set me the task of studying the spirit as he studies 
electricity. He said it was more important to 
know it in appliance, than in absolute essence. 
The spirit bloweth were it listeth; you do not 
need to discuss whence it comes or whither it goes, 
but you need to erect stations where it can strike. 
Wherever it strikes, you can study it, and you can 
learn to apply it as the great illuminating force 
in the lives of the people. 

"With the same tolerance," he said, "with which 
I ride on street cars and punch a button when I 
enter my room, regardless of my inability to ex- 
plain the ultimate nature of electricity, I avail 
myself of any impressions of illumination of the 
spirit which can reach me. I know you are long- 
ing to turn on the spirit with as much accuracy 
as you do the electric light in your church. I 
sympathetically recognize your difficulties in deal- 
ing with the souls of men. Not only does the 
connection have to be established in each case, but 



170 THE PILOT FLAME 

the receiving stations are generally kept closed by 
the will." 

It was my Man in Physics who made me see 
that the point upon which I should focus accurate 
study was the place where the spirit strikes. It 
was this purpose that set me to collecting the re- 
ligious experiences of my people, to arranging 
them into types, so that it might be possible to 
see what was the normal type and what were the 
variations to be allowed for in the individual. It 
was my Man in Physics who made me see that the 
age of electricity means an age of convenient ap- 
pliances that make manifest a power which al- 
ready exists. He it was that set me a-toiling for 
the age of spirituality, which shall mean all the 
souls of men normally open for the spirit to strike 
upon and a ready connecting up of the spirit 
with the activities which are the arc light on a 
slum corner. A number of sermons came out of 
the fellowship of the Man in Physics, and the 
sermons are like this: Every time there surges 
up into your consciousness an impulse to lift on 
another's burden and carry it on your own back; 
every time there surges up the warm memory of a 
good father or a good mother, which holds you 
back from vice or meanness ; every time you feel 
yourself energized by a great and beneficent pur- 
pose; then know that it is the voice of God, call-' 
ing your station. Arise! Receive the message! 

From the sympathetic study of the religious 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 171 

experiences of all my people, from the heads of 
university departments, down through students, 
business and professional men, mothers, weary 
household drudges, country people whose hands 
are so misshapen with heavy toil that they can- 
not wield a pen, and minds so untrained that they 
cannot spell the simplest words, I am forced to 
the conclusion that the religious experience has 
some fundamental qualities in common. It is al- 
ways an upburst of warm emotionality. It is al- 
ways perceived as something from outside, as if a 
blow upon a rock had opened up an unexpected 
spring. 

In many cases, the vividness with which the re- 
ligious experience is remembered stands out like 
a bolt of lightning across a sky. Hardly would 
any skeptic be found to deny the reality of ro- 
mantic devotion between men and women ; the 
American home is established upon the belief that 
this experience is quite definite, and may be 
counted upon to be nearly universal. Yet by 
actual test I have found that more people in mid- 
dle life can remember with vivid detail y the inci- 
dents of their religious experience than can re- 
member the incidents of their courtship. 

The difference between the trained and the Un- 
trained mind, is that the trained mind can lumi- 
nously describe its experience, while the untrained 
mind is dependent for its expression on well-worn 
phrases. There is no religion of a mature mind. 
Genuine feeling has no age. It is always youth- 



172 THE PILOT FLAME 

ful. Yet the mature mind can provide the lumi- 
nous description. 

The following is such a description. It is the 
birth story of a large and gracious personality. 
The marvel of this man is the way in which hard 
experiences have made him mellow. He has 
known personal sorrow and tragic loss by death, 
so that he, a man of rich affections, has no home 
of his own. He grows flowers of beautiful 
loyalty over a grave. On the matter of a con- 
viction, he is the stuff of which martyrs are made. 
For liberty of speech, he once sacrificed his life 
work and his professional standing, and went out 
in middle life not knowing whither he should go. 
The strength of his ability quickly restored him. 
For twenty years he has had a long lever under 
the educational system of a backward state, and 
he never takes his pressure off that lever. At 
every commencement he is demanded by high 
schools for the address. He is the head of the 
Department of English. 

In the church, he is as large a factor as the 
preacher. He is on hand. He will take all of 
his excellent efficiency, and give his valuable time, 
and sympathetically focus himself on a revival ef- 
fort. Many there are who have considerable 
more confidence in him and in the authority of his 
Christian life than they have in themselves. We 
never any of us heard him tell of his own interior 
life. But when he knew that we genuinely 
wanted these' interior experiences, he graciously 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 173 

opened up the guarded casket of his own mem- 
ories, brought out this gem, and gave it to me. 

"My early religious experience is so vivid in my 
memory to-day that I can recall those days and weeks, 
incident by incident. These experiences may stand 
out more clearly because I have so often called them 
up for critical examination. There have been times 
when I have thought that they should be accounted 
for on natural grounds. I have essayed the task, 
but with no satisfactory results. I have read Pro- 
fessor James's 'Varieties of the Religious Experience' 
and know that my experiences were typical. I have 
come to believe that such phenomena can be accounted 
for only on the ground that at such times the human 
soul is opened to the inflowing of the spirit of God. 
At such times the door is wide open; at other times 
we cannot or will not open it. 

"My earliest recollection is of my older brothers 
and sisters telling me how our mother, gone beyond 
then, took them often into an inner room and knelt 
and prayed with them. In my boyhood, my idea of 
God, of Jesus, of Judgment, of Heaven and of Hell, 
were singularly realistic. I had seen death. It was 
the most depressing thing in the world. I was fully 
convinced that I must be converted before I could 
look upon it without fear. I do not think that 
when I did turn, I was directly influenced by this 
fear, and yet I am sure that it was in the background 
of my consciousness. 

"When I was about fifteen there was a 'protracted 
meeting' at our church, and I attended regularly. It 
was a noisy meeting. The preacher said that the 



174 THE PILOT FLAME 

spirit of God was present in power. I think it was. 
My mind was focused on the thought of going for- 
ward to the 'mourners' bench'; but I was unable to 
come to a decision, until one night, as I stood about 
the middle of the church, I was seized with a trem- 
bling. I commenced to weep violently. It seemed 
to me involuntary. A friend came and took me by 
the hand and led me to the altar. I knelt silently 
that night, and my emotions subsided somewhat. The 
next night I returned to the altar, and was as demon- 
strative as any of the 'mourners.' I was praying and 
pleading like the others, when about nine o'clock, I 
lost consciousness. Suddenly I came to myself. I 
was lying on my back behind the altar, my head held 
by a young man, whom I knew not very well, but for 
whom I cherish even to this day, a very tender feel- 
ing. He was with me when I passed over; he was 
kind and solicitous in that hour of darkness, and re- 
joiced with me when the light came. 

"I have no words to express the ecstasy of that 
moment. The faces of the people seemed divinely 
beautiful; the light was like a heavenly radiance. 
The sensation of all life spreading into a calm seren- 
ity, the sweet peace which fell upon me, seemed too 
glorious for earth. I remembered my fear of death; 
it was all gone. There was a joy, a contentment with 
living, a permanent happiness, an overflowing feeling 
of good will to all the world, that left nothing fur- 
ther to be desired. 

"I thought, of course, all Christians enjoy this in- 
finite peace. I wondered why I had not heard more 
of it before. Later, I learned that the shadows and 
mists of the earth valleys cloud the open vision. One 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 175 

does not always dwell in Eden. Coming are tempta- 
tion and struggle. My confession has not for its pur- 
pose to deal with these. 

"For many days I went about almost in a trance. 
Before I went to school, and on my return, I had the 
task of strewing out fodder to a number of cattle. 
Behind the pile of fodder was my place of prayer. 
I cannot tell with what delight I looked forward to 
those moments, and how great was the joy of my de- 
votions. Often at night, I looked up at the stars and 
felt a companionable nearness and understanding, I 
had not known before. God was my God, and he 
was very near. Often my emotion was so great, that 
I found relief in tears. This was apt to be the case 
when I would sing a revival song suggested by the 
glorious beauty of the starry heavens: 

" 'O there my precious treasure lies, 
And there my heart shall be; 
My glorious home beyond the skies, 
The heaven I long to see.' 

'As I look at it now, there was a very large meas- 
ure of 'other-worldliness' in this experience. We have 
come to believe that in Christianity joy should grow 
out of service, and shouting should follow the gather- 
ing of the harvest. Christianity could not save the 
world if that were not the genius of its gospel, and 
yet let us not forget that the wise and loving 
Father 'who knoweth our frame' has put into 
Christianity this mystical element, and that he smiles 
on us, when drawn aside by a heavenly homesickness, 
we see visions and dream dreams." 



176 THE PILOT FLAME 

Just at the point when the boy changes into 
the man, and the stream of life's activities begins 
to be dispatched from the centers of interior con- 
trols, the pilot flame of the conscious perception 
of God was lighted. Through all the years of 
being educated and of educating under the pres- 
sures of materialistic thinking, through personal 
sorrow and the public experiences which pessimize 
the spirit, the stream of life's activities has flowed 
out warm with faith and courage. 

A more accurate account of the lighting of the 
pilot flame in the climacterical type of the re- 
ligious experience could hardly be found. We 
have now to offer an equally accurate account of 
the occasional type of experience, when it is 
reaized that God is in communication with the 
life, but the beginning of this consciousness reaches 
so far back into childhood that its starting point 
is not remembered. The family ideals are af- 
fectionately affirmed, and individual conscious- 
ness emerges so smoothly from childhood, that 
there is no break or friction. 

The Dean of the Wheels of the Whirling Age; 
Dean of the Engineering College, he is called in 
the university catalogue. His office is off the 
entrance hall of the great building full of strong 
wheels and fine wheels and flying bands, all vibrant 
with applications of power. The Master of 
Wheels is still a youngerly man, with the firm in- 
vestigating ways of a man who tests things; he 
sets his jaws like the wheels that have cogs, and 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 177 

when his eyes fall on you, you perceive an appli- 
cation of power. His students respect the vast 
resources of his ability. 

One evening when the students and instructors 
had gone and the power was humming low, he 
pushed back on his desk those schedules that have 
to do with cement and steel, with strengths and 
resistances, and wrote out for his pastor the 
memories of childhood and of God. 

"I cannot remember the time when I did not recog- 
nize my responsibility to God and did not try to meet 
it. I cannot remember the time when Christ was not 
real to me, so that I cannot point to any one single 
fact or circumstance that led me to Him. My alle- 
giance to the King of Kings is explained by environ- 
ment and early training, coupled with a natural dis- 
position for study. I was a child who pondered great 
questions. My memory reaches back to a little boy 
in dresses, who spelled out the scripture texts on the 
Sunday School cards. I learned to read in this way. 
At four I was letter perfect in the catechism. Never- 
theless, I did not conform to the type of the model 
child. My temper surged up and carried me away 
with its fury, whenever I suffered a real or supposed 
injustice. But at tranquil times, Jesus was perfectly 
real to me. 

"My parents were of the type that carried their 
Christianity into their daily lives. Father read us 
many selections from the Bible, and I remember as 
a delight his reading of stories from the Bible, out of 
a book we had in the family collection. Anything 
that father read seemed wrapped in the dignity of 



178 THE PILOT FLAME 

high importance. My Sunday School teacher was 
a vigorous applier of Christianity. She counted by 
scores those whom she had accompanied to the 'foot 
of the cross.' 

"I remember in vivid experience an answer to 
prayer that came to me when I was about eight years 
old. The day had been rainy, and the men came from 
the fields to work in the granary and about the barn. 
It was just the kind of a day for a boy to have fun 
in the barn. My spirits were keyed too high to 
please an old colored preacher who was working for 
father. He reproved me sharply for some prank, 
which I thought was wholly innocent, and 
which I was sure my father would have enjoyed 
had he been present. At the supper table, after the 
men had gone, I told father about it, and demanded 
hotly that Dunmore attend to his own business. 
Father evidently foresaw further clashes with the old 
negro, which he did not want to encourage. He said 
he had been lax in his discipline of me. I was hot 
with wrath; I arose from the table and plunged out 
into the rain. I wandered off toward the strip of 
woods where the turkeys nested. On the way, came 
down the question upon me, Am I wrong?' I knelt 
down under the spreading branches of the big chest- 
nut tree. The situation was too difficult for words, 
but the intention was an appeal to a higher judge. 
My anger definitely disappeared, and my whole being 
was flooded with light. I was under the necessity 
of running. I forgot the stone bruise on my heel 
that had made me limp for days, and ran on as if on 
wings, gathered the eggs, and all in a glow, came 
running back to the house, shouting before I reached 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 179 

the door, 'Mother, come out and see the rainbow!' 
Mother left the work and came, but she seemed more 
interested in my shining face than in the rainbow. I 
can remember the feeling of that consciousness be- 
tween us of high and holy things, too wonderful to go 
into words. Mother said, 'Why, what has come over 
my boy?' 

"Having found the way, I tried harder to control 
my temper. The memory of the mounting up with 
wings as eagles, helped me to succeed better. I pon- 
dered on the question whether people who were con- 
verted loved Jesus more than I did. Could conver- 
sion make me any happier ? Had I already been con- 
verted ? The only way I knew of people getting into 
the church was by way of the altar. I was too timid 
to talk with anyone about my experiences. But I 
prayed for courage to go to the altar, or else that 
some of the workers would invite me. Though I at- 
tended every meeting, no one came to me. I came to 
the conclusion that they all thought me too young, 
and that it would not be right for me to go to the 
altar until I was asked. For years I prayed for some 
one to invite me and wondered about conversion. 

"I was fourteen, when at last, Miss Appalona 
Walter, an evangelistic worker, came back to me at 
the close of one of the evening services, and asked 
me if I would like to be a Christian. I told her 
gladly that I would, and I promised I would go to 
the altar the next evening, if she would come back 
for me. During the season for seekers, for four even- 
ings, I knelt at the altar. I felt a great peace, but 
no new experience came. I had seen others cry out 
in agony, and then rise with that new light in their 



180 THE PILOT FLAME 

faces, many so happy that they must make some vio- 
lent movements to relieve their feelings. I didn't 
have any necessity of shouting. At last one of our 
neighbors seemed to understand my case, and said 
that I ought to praise Jesus for the love I felt for 
him. This neighbor insisted that I rise and sing with 
the congregation, 'Oh, how I love Jesus!' We sang 
that song together, again and again, and gradually I 
came to feel that there could be no more room for 
any greater happiness. 

"When I was taken into the church, the man at my 
side continually sobbed, but to me it was too happy 
an occasion for tears. All the occasions I have passed 
through since pale into insignificance before the stately 
beauty and impressiveness in which memory has 
wrapped that event. 

"After I had been received into the church, I cannot 
say that Christ was nearer to me than before, but my 
faith was stronger, and I found a sense of finality 
in being an avowed disciple of the Master. For these 
years, I mention a few of the high points. 

"Some two years along upon my way of life, my 
father and I were taking advantage of the late winter 
snow to haul rails and wood from a marsh through 
which ran a stream. During the morning there had 
been a cold rain, and the stream ran high; toward 
evening the rain changed to sleet and fine hard snow, 
and the wind pierced like a knife. We took turns 
going with the team, in order to keep warm. Late 
in the afternoon while father was away with the load, 
I undertook to rescue some rails from the swollen 
stream. After I had succeeded in dragging the tim- 
bers out of the water and slush to an accessible point, 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 181 

I got on a log which had fallen across the stream. 
I was tired, cold, wet through, and thoroughly dis- 
couraged. Doubts like the cold closed in upon me. 
For the first time, I doubted the reality of all my 
past religious experience. 'Why should I love Jesus, 
anyway?' came to my mind. Automatically I began 
to recount the reasons, and I had not gone far when 
the light broke in upon me. Out there alone in the 
woods, I sang and whistled, almost unconscious of 
the raw wind that fast froze my dripping garments. 
This was the second and last time that I ever felt the 
surge of so great power within me that I must shout. 
"High School Commencement was approaching and 
my graduating essay was ready. I was the class 
valedictorian. My confidence in myself was supreme 
until the rehearsal before the principal and teachers, 
when my voice broke once or twice. I felt humili- 
ated; so much was expected of me. Every time I 
attempted to read over the essay in private, the cold 
perspiration would come out and run down into my 
eyes. The contemplation of my appearance on the 
platform was a horror. I wanted frantically to be 
a credit to my parents and to my class, but as com- 
mencement drew near my stage fright increased. 
During the wait of commencement evening, while each 
of my classmates faced the audience, got through and 
received their applause, my terror reached the point 
where I would have run away, were it not for bring- 
ing shame to others. In my extremity, I remembered 
a source of help. I gazed upward, and definitely I 
prayed, 'Jesus, help me! Sustain me, in this my 
hour of need !' My fear vanished. I faced the 
cheering audience with a smile. My essay became a 



182 THE PILOT FLAME 

message which I delivered with a feeling and free- 
dom that had never before been mine. 

"Up to this time, I had appealed to God's grace 
to help me control my temper, to keep me from falling 
in times of temptation, and to sustain me in times of 
crises. Between definite appeals, I had considered 
my religion as a variety of luxury to be enjoyed. I 
had not understood it as a force in the ordinary in- 
cidents of the day. I first came to a full realization 
of this inexhaustible source of help when I was teach- 
ing a country school. I had made no apparent blun- 
ders with the school, yet inwardly I was in a constant 
state of irritation and strain. At the close of the 
day's session, I would be utterly exhausted. I was 
fast spending my reserve of nervous energy. I re- 
solved to take Christ into the schoolroom with me. 
From that day the whole occupation and aspect of 
teaching changed. The pupils seemed to be con- 
trolled by a new spirit. They obeyed my minutest 
suggestions and for the remainder of that term dis- 
cipline was an obsolete and unnecessary word. No 
matter how busy the day, I went home feeling as 
fresh as when I entered the school room in the morn- 
ing. 

"Follow years of study, of struggle, of temptation. 
My childhood faith is remolded and readjusted. 
Years of study along scientific lines have on the 
whole, I believe, added strength and reality to that 
faith. Just at the time when the future was roseate 
with promise, I was called upon to pass through the 
greatest ordeal of my life, to endure the greatest 
sorrow, I believe, that can come to anyone." 

Here the stream of this life passes through a 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 183 

valley of the shadow so wild and desolate that it 
is like a canon in a riven rock. Through the 
long stretch of years flowers of a beautiful 
loyalty have been grown on those ragged rocks. 
We may not enter here. 

"My faith was shaken and I was rebellious. I 
clung to duty, but my heart was sore. I could not 
say 'Thy will be done.' Three years later it was my 
opportunity to influence a number of young people in 
deciding to take Christ as their saviour. As I saw 
these people radiant in their new found love, there 
stole again into my heart the peace of complete recon- 
ciliation. Then the memories which had tormented 
me day and night and from which I had sought to 
flee, became shining jewels to be cherished for all 
time. 

"These are some of the high points. Can I doubt 
the witness of the spirit? In times of depression, 
doubts do assail me, and I wonder if I could have 
been self-deceived. It is then that these mountain- 
top experiences come back to me, and doubt gives 
way. I am glad that I remained at the altar until 
there was no question in my mind of acceptance by 
God; I am glad that the crisis of life brought ex- 
periences so positive, that they will not be denied by 
my most doubting moods ; I am glad that these experi- 
ences proved Him to be sufficient for every phase in 
life. I am most thankful that I found and proved 
Christ as a boy. If I had waited for maturer years 
to guide me, I do not believe I could have accepted 
the truths of the Bible. My mind does not yet clear 
up the mystery of immortality, but my own inner 



184 THE PILOT FLAME 

consciousness tells me that this life is only a prepara- 
tion for that which is to come, a life in which my own 
individuality is to continue. I however feel the con- 
flict at the point where science, though pointing to a 
supreme intelligence* also suggests by analogy that 
we shall live only in the lives that follow. Specula- 
tive discussions on the future state trouble me some- 
times. 

"This I know: Christ is real in this life, and when 
I permit Him, He walks with me and my heart 
warms within me. I need Him for this life and am 
willing to trust Him for that which is to come. 

"Christ's presence is made manifest in various 
ways. Less often on account of a direct prayer, 
than from prayerful contemplation, when I seem to 
commune more directly with Him. It is then that 
he appears 'The fairest among ten thousand, and the 
One altogether lovely.' " 

Up to this point the cases cited of my people 
who belong to the ranks of the lettered and the 
learned, have all been in demonstration of the 
value of an early experience, and a youthful habit 
of realizing the resources of an emotional practice 
of prayer. These youthful experiences have been 
anchor sufficient to hold while the ship outrides 
the storms of materialistic thinking and of bitter 
and blighting life accident. Memory of some- 
thing that did happen, has been able, in a degree, 
to reproduce the experience. From the actuality 
of the youthful experience, there remains author- 
ity sufficient to still dispatch the activities of 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 185 

large and varied lives, and these activities are 
perceptibly colored by a constant faith in Jesus 
Christ. The pilot flame still burns, and succeeds 
in dispatching the activities warm, if not always 
hot. 

In the collection of written experiences, there 
are a considerable number of like nature. They 
are sufficient evidence to substantiate the state- 
ment that a genuine, vivid, youthful experience 
will, in many cases, have enough enduring au- 
thority to discount any materialistic teaching or 
any numbing experiences that are encountered. 
The family that had daily practice in Christian 
living, the Sunday School teacher who broke the 
text from the context to make many applications, 
the pastor who held his meetings and who pre- 
pared his children for church membership, the 
altar workers who invited sinners to come, 
have actually outmolded in the lives of my let- 
tered and learned the faculties of the great uni- 
versities. 

Some who are willing to grant that a youthful 
experience makes a memory anchor sure and 
strong will raise the point as to whether it is pos- 
sible to get the pilot flame lighted at the time 
when the intellectual life is full and matured and 
keen. In our practice we have seen it accom- 
plished in a number of cases. We offer two in- 
stances to show how the type of the experience 
may differ, yet be vital enough to be clearly rec- 
cognized. These two cases are used because they 



186 THE PILOT FLAME 

are similar in that they were attained through 
an intellectual process. 

The first of these experiences is written by my 
Friend who is a Luxury. He is the kind of Lux- 
ury that Emerson had in mind when he said he 
would much prefer to go without the necessities 
and have the luxury. He is one of those pro- 
fessors so charming in all the departments of 
living that you would begrudge him to any harsh 
and executive success that would force his per- 
sonality into some narrow specialized channel. 
If he should come along in a rattle-trap buggy 
drawn by an old nag, and at the same time there 
should come along the man with the tooting auto- 
mobile of blatant success, and both should call 
to you to come and ride, and you dared to make 
the choice you truly esteemed the greater pleas- 
ure, you would scramble into the rattle-trap 
buggy. It would be the greater luxury. He 
would tell you something blithe and good and gay. 
He would make you see the flash of a red bird; 
he would make you feel the bursting of buds ; he 
would stop at the top of the hill and expand you 
with a great scene. The ways of this Friend who 
is a Luxury I thoroughly know. We went on a 
long, driving, camping trip together, with our 
women and little children. Such an intimacy 
cries upon the housetops any weaknesses which 
had been shut up in closets. Similar trips have 
played havoc with friendships. But the memories 
of that trip are of the amber sweetness of wild 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 187 

grapes when they are setting, the peculiar blue 
purple of smoke when it goes up into hemlock 
branches, the possible efficiency of camp-cooking, 
the good, pungent, gay jokes that the Friend 
who is a Luxury can provide or cause you to pro- 
vide. It goes without saying that such as he has 
a charming wife, and children, who are joyously 
growing up in the aristocratic poverty provided 
by a professor's salary. There is also a little 
grave, the source of a beautifully accepted and 
sanctifying sorrow. 

This man who provides out of his inner nature 
the best luxuries of living, writes a simple and 
luminous account of his religious experience: 

"Up to the age of twenty-one, I thought I was a 
Christian. In reading the life of John Wesley, where 
he details his feelings of conviction, just before his 
experience, 'while one was reading in Romans,' I 
came to the conclusion that, in my small way, I was 
depending for salvation on exactly the same things 
that Wesley was, and as he did not then think he was 
a Christian, I concluded that I could not be. I still 
think that I was not a Christian, though I had been 
a church member, Sunday School teacher and officer, 
and active worker in the church for twelve years. 
After a week's heavy darkness and depression, dur- 
ing the latter part of which I had a consuming desire 
to read the scriptures on every opportunity, I had a 
distinct, vivid, vital experience while reading in Ro- 
mans VI. It came first as an intellectual percep- 
tion of my relation to God and Christ, and then, as 



188 THE PILOT FLAME 

a very great emotional light. For a period of six 
months, I did not let myself sleep at night till I had 
received an assurance of God's acceptance. This I 
now think was a mistaken desire on my part, but 
God honored the faith. 

"Another vivid and illuminating experience came 
to me when I put to the test the verse 'Blessed are 
the pure in heart, for they shall see God.' I found it 
true in every particular. 

"The sense of God's presence comes to me asso- 
ciated with nearly all Christian practices. The most 
real sense, I think, is attained in private reading of 
the scriptures. Then there comes as my most genuine 
experience, first, a new intellectual perception, and 
then an emotional exhilaration and joy." 

If you can discover a practice whereby God's 
presence becomes actual to you, you can retain 
that lyric appetite in life. Your spirit makes the 
youthful declaration that life has relish and is 
worth the exploring. You become that genuine 
luxury in life. You grow large and luscious and 
abundant fruits of the spirit. 

This final testimony of the learned is added 
because it is an instance of an illumination fol- 
lowing an intellectual perception. This brief ex- 
pression is the look back over a long life. I 
hesitate to characterize this personality, because 
I know him so well, and he is yet so intimately 
with me. He is of my present household. Over 
the body of his son, and over the body of his wife, 
I have spoken the memorial words while he sat 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 189 

bowed in grief. I held his hands and went down 
with him to the gates of death, in the tension of 
a desperate operation. In looking back upon the 
experience, his affection proclaimed that his 
pastor saved his life. But the skill in the fin- 
gers of the great surgeon must have its recogni- 
tion. 

Since his personality is too close to me to be 
characterized, let me mention some of his works 
that his testimony may be weighted. On the 
wheel of his instruction, he has molded and pol- 
ished a large proportion of the lawyers of a 
state. He is the son of that illustrous father who 
bolted the Virginia Assembly, rather than vote 
for secession. But when the final accounts are 
opened, it may be found yet more illustrious that 
this strong man superintended a Sunday School 
throughout his life-time, and that his son walked 
in his footsteps. 

The more than fifty years of continuous service 
given by this father and son, is the testimony to 
the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to Him 
who is God unto Father and unto son. Between 
them, they have builded a Sunday School which 
matches the strength and lift of the great gray 
stone tower of our church. Through this Sun- 
day School has passed one-third of the children 
of the community. This Sunday School has never 
wrestled with the problems of a paid superintend- 
ent, or of teacher training, for the superintend- 
ent has always been a man too costly to be hired, 
and the teachers have always been superior to any 



190 THE PILOT FLAME 

teaching force found in the public schools. More 
than a dozen eminent educators are found giving 
the golden margin of their energies, the precious 
freshness of the Sunday morning hour, to the 
faithful teaching of the scriptures. 

Like John on Patmos Isle, our superintendent 
now looks back over a long life and sums up the 
difference between inherited religion and experi- 
enced religion: 

"What I may term my second epoch of religious 
experience is the only interesting period to me of 
my Christian life. 

"The first epoch was marked by the absence of any 
settled, positive conviction of a present God — he was 
a far distant God — and I had doubts as to whether it 
was a part of the divine economy that we creatures 
of the world should have any conscious, distinct rela- 
tions with Him. This was a very vacillating, un- 
certain, and unsatisfactory experience. 

"The second epoch was the coming into conscious- 
ness, following the intellectual conviction, that God 
had from the very beginning of His creation estab- 
lished and maintained communion with men, through 
the patriarchs, the prophets, and then through His 
Son, who, when he went away, told us he would send 
the Comforter in his stead. I never came into a real 
religious experience until I got a full appreciation of 
the fact that this is the era of the Holy Spirit, that 
he is actually in the world, as Christ was; that 
through Him we have actual and conscious commu- 
nication with God; that He is a guide and comforter 
in all the vicissitudes of life; that in all the small con- 



THE LETTERED AND LEARNED 191 

cerns of our lives even, he takes a sympathetic in- 
terest, and in great trial and sorrow He is a very- 
present friend — He is the conscious link between 
earth and heaven. 

"This conception and this consciousness worked 
the emancipation in my religious experience. It was 
a dead religion without it." 



CHAPTER VI 

THE TURBULENT BAR 

On the minister at the university church is laid 
the responsibility of becoming the pilot aboard, 
while the soul craft crosses the turbulent bar from 
the sheltered bay of youth into the open sea of the 
world. The many years of traffic over this diffi- 
cult bar has taught the pilot to dread getting 
aboard the soul craft that has been built too nar- 
row in the home shop. The craft that is too nar- 
row and inflexible breaks in the difficult passage. 
Those who, anxious for that craft they have 
formed out of their own lives, stand at the door- 
way of the home shop looking, are filled with bit- 
terness when they see that the soul craft is 
broken. They are inclined to blame the pilot and 
the tides of the thinking world; they are not able 
to perceive that they built the craft too narrow 
for the passage of these difficult waters. Two 
types of the narrow craft are specially dreaded 
by the pilot; one is characterized by forced con- 
formity to the authority of the church and the 
home ; the other, by rigid condemnation or equally 
rigid approval of social amusements. When the 
pilot gets aboard the narrow craft, he immedi- 
ately looks to the interior structure. If rigid 

conformity has been attained by rigid parental 
192 



THE TURBULENT BAR 193- 

authority, the pilot knows that the craft is a 
shell. There is no possibility of an adaptation 
to the many new factors ; there is no practice in 
that most difficult art of riding the currents of 
liberty under the steering master of self-control. 
Blinded by the exhilaration of speedy going on 
the currents of liberty, the narrow craft hits the 
rock of self-indulgence and goes to pieces. But 
if some volitions have been exercised by the soul 
captain, if some responsibility for conduct has 
been assumed, then the craft, however narrow, is 
built with braces. It will not come through the 
passage of the bar without injury, but there is a 
chance that it may be put into the open sea of the 
world ocean morally afloat. To those who are 
building the soul craft in the home shops the pilot 
would like to send the counsel : put the little craft 
that you have built upon the placid waters of 
your home cove; let it learn by experience to 
know good and evil, and by practice the difficult 
art of self-control. Do not expect that the soul 
craft shall come out from the shop of parental 
control, and, without any experience in riding 
upon the open water, it shall be able to make in 
safety the passage of the turbulent bar. 

After the summer siesta, the moment of awak- 
ening has come to the university city. The streets 
are alive with trunk trucks and the sidewalks are 
alive with fond parents, so numerous and impor- 
tant as to put into insignificance those precious 



194* THE PILOT FLAME 

freshmen they are convoying. Misty-eyed 
mothers hold their tall boys by the hand for the 
last time; they know that when next they see 
them, such liberties will not be permitted, for the 
boy will have put on manhood. 

In common with all the other caretakers of the 
university, the soul pilot is on duty waiting for 
the specific calls to get aboard the craft en- 
trusted to his care. The parsonage door-bell 
rings. I greet a country preacher, vigorous, 
tyrannical, bellicose. Behind him stands his boy, 
dragged by parental authority to be put into the 
custody of another preacher. The boy's manner 
proclaims the habit of the weary necessity of sub- 
mission, but in his eyes are already lighted the 
red lamps of rebellion. 

"Here's my boy, Earl," says the preacher; "I 
came to turn him over to you. I have made him 
go to church, and I have made him take part in 
prayer-meeting. He has stayed in nights, and 
he has never been to dances, nor to moving pic- 
ture shows. Now you look after him." 

He transferred to me his parental authority. 
He was not a man who could be informed by any 
facts. It was useless to tell him that four hun- 
dred of the students were apportioned to my flock, 
and that there were in addition about a thousand 
church members. He could not understand a 
preacher who was an influence but who did not at- 
tempt to exercise authority. In his congregation 
whoever was absent on Sunday, made explanation 



THE TURBULENT BAR 195 

on Monday for that absence. The preacher who 
was dealing with such large numbers that he did 
not know who was absent from his congregation, 
was beyond the rim of his comprehension. He 
thought it was my business to see that his boy 
regularly attended the means of grace. He 
transferred the boy's membership to my church, 
and departed secure in his transfer of author- 
ity. 

Haunted by the impression of coming disaster, 
and by the burden of authority which had been 
transferred to me, I put more than any rightful 
share of time on that boy. At a "function," I 
sought him out and sat down beside him. Pa- 
rental control was already shattered. The boy's 
soul was already in the far country. Nor was it 
a case of youthful rioting at the first exhilaration 
of liberty. That kind sometimes takes thought 
and returns. Earl's soul was already blood- 
poisoned with superficial cynicism. He thought 
he would shock me. 

He said, "I went to a dance the other night. A 
lot of your girls were there. I can't dance yet, 
so I looked on. I concluded that the girls who 
were too good to dance were the ones who were 
not asked. Pretty girls are not troubled with 
scruples, are they?" 

Then he laughed, feeling so clever and stimula- 
ted with wickedness because he had shocked an- 
other preacher like his father. Earl had no sub- 
stance to be squandered in riotous living, so he 



196 THE PILOT FLAME 

squandered his inheritance of piety in riotous 
thinking, and bitter reactions. 

By his junior year, he found some opportunity 
to put his riotous thinking into conduct. The 
careful "stroking" of fellow students who were 
"swift" finally gained him membership in a fra- 
ternity that was the rotten spot in university life. 
He was business manager and chief promoter of 
every possible form of student degradation. 
Poverty standing somewhat in the way of his own 
indulgence, he evidently enjoyed being an on- 
looker at the wild smashing of controls of home 
ideals, of moral purity and of righteous conduct. 
Religion to him became a sneer. His senior year 
divested him of every trace of his country preacher 
father, except that there was still mental ability 
enough and habit of work enough to enable him to 
graduate. His face was disease marked, and 
his body was flabby and slouchy, from much 
lounging on couches. 

His father came to see him graduate. He did 
not perceive his boy at all. I suppose the boy 
had decent hypocrisy enough to cover his conduct, 
and to exhibit the fraternity house on good be- 
havior. With childlike gratification the father 
said, "Earl is smart. He got into a good fra- 
ternity, where the boys had money. He got a lit- 
tle off on philosophy, so that he don't believe in 
churches any more. But he'll come out all right. 
I raised him well." It is the regular "stunt" 
for fellows who are philandering with the young 



THE TURBULENT BAR 197 

hussy vice, to persuade "dad" that they have been 
beguiled by the stately lady philosophy. 

When my brother preacher councils with par- 
ents who have a boy to educate, he will tell them 
of the unearthly blandishments of lady philoso- 
phy, and how she got his boy. My brother will 
never know that he built the craft of his son on 
the hard narrow lines of parental authority, and 
that he failed to put in any braces of the habit 
of freely choosing the good, the wholesome and 
the enduring; that he set the craft adrift at a 
place where the waters of living meet and churn 
in their fury; that what happened is what can be 
expected when such a craft attempts the difficult 
passage-way over the turbulent bar ; — it went to 
pieces on the rock of self-indulgence. 

The pearly nautilus did not always make his 
shell so smooth and excellently braced that it was 
strong enough to withstand old ocean's mightiest 
heave. If you will get a skillful fossil friend to 
conduct you back through the dim ages when 
stories were written in the rocks, he can show you 
a first variation when a nautilus thrust out a lit- 
tle bay window on his shell, and thus got more 
surface, and an advantage over the fellows with 
plain shells. Then you can see where bay win- 
dows on the nautilus shell increased in size, and 
became fluted, and ever more intricately turned 
and fluted, until finally the bay windows covered 
the whole shell. Then there is a gap; there are 
no more fossils of nautilus shells. We return 



198 THE PILOT FLAME 

again to the smooth strong modern shell which 
was the original type. What happened in the 
gap? The fossil friend will tell you that the 
nautilus shell had become too delicate and too 
intricate ; the bay windows which at first pro- 
vided an advantage had, by their too great devel- 
opment, become a weakness ; the bay-windowed 
nautilus was not strong enough to withstand the 
ocean's heave and it perished. 

When Ralph's mother sang the gospel hymns, 
her face took on that radiance which is the re- 
flection of the great white throne, and her eyes 
were those lighted lamps in the windows of heaven 
which guide home the pilgrims of the night. 
Ralph's father completed each year the reading 
of the New Testament in Greek; with the same 
fidelity with which he selected the text of his 
Sunday morning sermon, he also selected the clas- 
sical allusion. An ideal of poured out service, 
accepted in his youth, still kept glowing his de- 
votion to the boisterous church which struggles 
with the vulgar and the vigorous. Ralph was 
nurtured in that aristocratic poverty which does 
without the abundance and provides a few of the 
best luxuries. His appreciation of culture was a 
vigorous appetite, because it had never been sur- 
feited, but always stimulated by the splendid as- 
piration and meager attainments of his home. 

The mother's tender, vibrant voice, became in 
her boy a lyric tenor, not of commanding enough 



THE TURBULENT BAR 199 

quality to set him apart, but of that delightful 
caroling buoyant quality, that makes a room full 
of stodgy folks feel "How good is life, the mere 
living." And his eyes instead of being the lighted 
lamps in the window of heaven, were the twinkling 
lights that overflow from the house of mirth. 
Ralph sang in the choir, and was himself a glow- 
ing luxury in a plain church. In default of 
stained glass windows, a weary congregation 
could look at him. The damp black curls lay 
about the arches of his white brows, and his mobile 
face would let any passing mood shine through. 
Devotional music of a classic quality he could 
wrap about him like a mantle of glory. During 
all the years of his university life, he sang faith- 
fully for the plain people of the church of his par- 
ent's devotion, but we knew during the last year 
that he was alien. His eyes looked down with 
critical amusement upon the plain necessities of a 
plain church. A collection hitched to an emo- 
tional appeal was to him a vulgar child's play; 
a testimony meeting in which some ancient brother 
in a sing-song whine told of something that hap- 
pened to him years ago, was to him an offensive 
display of dotage. 

Mingling with his parents in the festivities of 
Ralph's graduation, I perceived that he was a 
man-child in whom a mother should exult. His 
place as officer among the cadets, made him be- 
comingly exhibited. He belonged to the Artil- 
lery, and wore blue clothing with touches of red, 



200 THE PILOT FLAME 

covering his tall and shapely frame. His man- 
ners were so naturally excellent that he seemed 
leisurely taking part in a gay festival. He was 
too full of the goodness of living to have taken 
any dull scholastic honors. Already he had ob- 
tained a position which would put him into the 
executive office of a great corporation. 

Now when the festivities of graduation were 
finished, and for Ralph, the period of dependence 
on his parents had closed, and he had consciously 
come to manhood, he came around to see me in my 
study. He said, "I want you to give me my 
church letter, and to dismiss me in all good fel- 
lowship. Then I want to tell you that I expect 
to identify myself with a more cloistered church, 
for my life associations and affiliations. I do 
not want you to feel that I go in bitterness or 
as a wandering sheep; I have fallen out of har- 
monious respect for the church of my father. It 
is like eating in a cheap restaurant ; my appetite 
fails. I would rather have much less food, with 
a better service. I have realized that you main- 
tain here at the university a church that is cul- 
tured above any I can expect to find in our de- 
nomination. If I am to find in a church pleasant 
associations, somewhat of uplift and of inspira- 
tion, I must associate myself with a church that 
maintains certain dignities and reserves. 

"Take this question of amusements. With 
clean conscience I can say, I never experienced 






THE TURBULENT BAR 201 

any evils at any of the dances I have attended. 
On the other hand, I have heard much more of 
vulgar suggestion and insinuation from the 
preachers of our denomination, than were ever 
generated by a dance. As I have been an on- 
looker while such things were being said, I have 
concluded that some preachers speak so often and 
so vehemently on this subject, in order to stir up 
the vulgar emotions which are so much more 
readily reached than the high emotions. One of 
these sermons lets loose in a crowd more nastiness 
than the average dance." 

Ralph smiled at me in that knowing way that 
means you are no longer talking with a child, and 
continued: "Doesn't the fact that I can say 
these things to you and you can understand, show 
that you are not typically of our denomination? 
Have I not watched you many a time covering 
and draping raw vulgarities, until by your sleight 
of hand you have made us forget that they are 
still practiced?" 

Then I knew indeed that the boy had come to 
man's estate. I tried the last reach; I showed 
him the glory of service. I took him behind the 
scenes. I showed him that while before the peo- 
ple we might appear to be an institution of self- 
satisfaction and vainglory, as a matter of fact 
we had come nearly to a standstill due to the pull 
in opposing directions of our two great necessi- 
ties. On the one hand, we must still be the re- 



202 THE PILOT FLAME 

ceiving station for the poor and the vulgar and 
the ignorant ; on the other hand, we have now a 
whole generation, like unto himself, who have been 
refined by Christian culture, until they do not en- 
joy the hurly-burly of the receiving station. 
"Ralph," said I, "we are keeping the preachers 
disgracefully poor, we are stretching every en- 
ergy, we are hanging on the running boards of 
the automobiles of the rich, in order that we may 
provide stone cathedrals for our sons who do not 
love us in our poverty. Do we love stone cathe- 
drals? No, we do not. Are they a good place 
to germinate the life of the soul? Does a man 
get his soul converted in a stone cathedral? No, 
a stone cathedral with the rituals and reserves 
that go with it, is a cold storage plant, where we 
try to preserve the fruits of spiritual agriculture. 
For the germination of life, we need sheds nearer 
the soil; we need tents and tabernacles, we need 
the patient, exaggerated appeal, the over-emo- 
tionalized singing. 

"I serve in the university church because the 
cap and gown of culture unfit me for the toil which 
I thoroughly respect in the germinating sheds. 
When I was as old as you, Ralph, I, like your 
father, had felt the glory of the call to poured 
out service. I tried to become a personal worker 
at the North End Mission. One night I was 
kneeling beside a drunkard at the altar. With 
the best of my sympathy, I was trying to go with 
him and hold his hand. It must be confessed, 



THE TURBULENT BAR 

however, that the smell of him was nauseating 
to me. Suddenly he lifted his head from the 
altar rail and looked me over. Maybe the five 
generations of Puritan ancestors showed; maybe 
he perceived that gross sin was as abhorrent to 
me as filth in the gutter. That sinner did not 
like me. He said, 'Young fellow, what do you 
know about it? You git out of here. You go 
back where you belong.' It was I who fled away 
convicted. The pain of having poured myself 
out in service and of having been rejected, was 
sharper than the bite of the East wind that swept 
in from the frozen sea that night. I walked 
through all the slums, and half hoped that some- 
one would sandbag me. I bade farewell to the 
slums, and to the ideal of uttermost service. If 
I cannot be a captain who goes down into the 
great waters of the sinning soul, I can be the 
pilot over the 'turbulent bar.' " 

Ralph was moved at the beauty of service, but 
he said that he could feel in his own conscious- 
ness no call to undertake it. With that charm- 
ing mirth twinkling in his eyes, he said, "I think 
my father has done service enough for two gen- 
erations. I had better do a little personal liv- 
ing." Out of that graciousness which kept Ralph 
from doing anything abrupt or ugly, he left his 
church letter with me for a time and we corres- 
ponded. After six months, he found his wife in a 
cultured and wealthy family, and life called to 
him to come and be happy. He joined a stone 



204 THE PILOT FLAME 

cathedral, and was married to ease and culture, 
to which estate he was fitted. 



On the turbulent bar, we lose the craft that is 
too narrow; or that is too elaborately fluted. 
These are the exceptional craft; the many are 
piloted safely through and started upon the open 
voyage. 

If the university church can keep flowing over 
the turbulent bar a high tide of genuine spiritual 
life, it can catch more wandering vessels than it 
loses on this difficult crossing. The following ex- 
perience was written by a clear-brained student, 
giving, in perfectly frank reality, the feeling of 
finding himself caught in such a current. 

"I did not grow up in a Christian family, nor was 
I ever under Christian influences before coming to the 
university. I had attended Sunday School but rarely, 
for I lived eight miles from a church. During some 
years, I did not attend even once. As I grew up I 
gave no thought to religious matters, and grew more 
skeptical, contemptuous and antagonistic. I attended 
church occasionally from a desire to accompany some- 
one or to see someone there. 

"About a year ago I was attending more regularly 
for the reasons mentioned. During the special serv- 
ices, a sermon was preached against swearing. It 
struck me rather forcibly, as I was a very profane 
fellow. The sermon started me to thinking. The 
following morning I began a fight to give up the 
habit of swearing. A week or so later, I became con- 



THE TURBULENT BAR 205 

vinced that if there was really anything in Chris- 
tianity which was better than worldliness, I wanted 
my share in it. I accepted a call to make a stand 
for a better life, without any particularly vivid ex- 
perience of a call from God. I had a firm determi- 
nation to give Christianity a thorough trial. I joined 
the church with a feeling of joy and satisfaction, 
feeling that a great transaction had taken place. 

"There then came upon me a series of battles last- 
ing several months. The ballroom, smoking and other 
worldliness, kept calling me back to my old careless 
and irresponsible life. I learned how to pray ear- 
nestly. This, with the consciousness that I had taken 
a firm stand, kept me till I really knew that my sins 
were forgiven and the desire for them removed. My 
Christian life then became more of a reality to me. 

"I had at first intended to quit dancing just until 
I joined a church which did not disapprove of it, but 
I found that I was having constant struggles on this 
point. New obligations of service and new kinds of 
duties were constantly appealing to me, and I had 
a troublesome time over each new one. My significant 
experiences, through this first year of my Christian 
life, have been my triumphs over weaknesses, through 
the power of Jesus Christ. My most real sense of 
God's presence comes in time of trouble and indecis- 
ion when I resort to quiet prayer. There is then 
received a sense of joy and peace which comes in no 
other way. When called upon for prayer in the meet- 
ings, it does not mean so much to me. I am, however, 
willing to undertake it as a form of service, for I 
feel that in time it is going to have more reality." 

Some there are who have no rebellions and con- 



206 THE PILOT FLAME 

sequently no struggles. They are the sons to 
whom the Father says, "Thou art ever with me 
and all that I have is thine." They frequently 
feel wistful when they witness the keen joy of the 
returning prodigal. Because they have been al- 
ways eating at the Father's table where there is 
fatted calf and to spare, they do not realize the 
great joy of the satisfaction of a gnawing hunger 
that has lasted long. Nevertheless, these are the 
sons to whom belongeth the inheritance and the 
solid satisfaction of the Father. Of such, is the 
following. 

"I was brought up in a Christian home, and have 
always enjoyed the services of church and Sunday 
School. I do not remember having a definite reli- 
gious experience, until at the age of thirteen, during 
meetings conducted by Mr. Moody, I made my first 
public confession of Christ. 

"I have experienced a sense of God's presence es- 
pecially when studying the Bible with others, and at 
the time of a special sacrifice. There comes to my 
mind a time when, with others of our young people's 
society, I engaged in mission work which took me 
away from the meetings at our home church, which I 
greatly enjoyed. Some of the greatest realities of 
my religious life grew out of that sacrifice, and the 
effort to speak to the people in the little church about 
Jesus. 

"One other noteworthy memory stands out dis- 
tinctly. After I had been for some time engaged in 
church work, I had become much dissatisfied with my 
own religious experience, questioning if I had ever 



THE TURBULENT BAR 207 

had any thing that counted. In a special meeting, 
Rev. Mr. Taylor from Sydney, Australia, told us of 
the remarkable work that had been done in connection 
with his church, in which hundreds had been con- 
verted. In the course of his address, he quoted three 
verses that exactly suited my need. 'If we confess 
our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us 
our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.' 
'Now, being made free from sin, and become servants 
of God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and in the 
end everlasting life.' 'Now unto Him who is able to 
keep you from falling and to present you faultless 
before his throne with exceeding joy . . .' I 
was able from that time to trust God as I had not be- 
fore, and for a period of about three weeks, it seemed 
to me that I was consciously led by Him. That 
period of uninterrupted peace terminated with dis- 
obedience in what seemed a trivial matter, and I 
have never since been able to entirely recover the abid- 
ing consciousness." 

THE GOODNESS OF GOOD GIRLS. Out of respect 

for the glimpse which is to be given into the 
virgin heart of good women, let any who read the 
following experiences kindly put off the shoes and 
remember to come reverently and tenderly, for 
now they tread on holy ground. The four ex- 
periences now to be quoted were all written by 
young women when they were about twenty years 
of age; they were vigorous students and gra- 
cious and attractive women. They may be de- 
scribed as flowers of the co-educational method of 
education. 



208 THE PILOT FLAME 

In one of the great western high schools there 
is a thoroughly good teacher, who puts behind 
her teaching the moral force of a thoroughly 
good woman. Her madonna like face awakes in 
giddy girls the perception of the deeps of the 
meaning of womanhood; boys growing the strong 
wing feathers for flight into the world, grow also 
perceptions and ideals of goodness, which are 
the guardian angels that hold them back from 
many a miry pit. More lasting than the bonds 
of good scholarship are the bonds of good char- 
acter which she puts upon all her students. 

"From childhood, I felt a desire to be good and to 
love God. I can remember, when not more than six 
years old, worrying because I thought I didn't love 
God. When I was about eleven, my father was con- 
verted and I joined the church with him. As yet I 
had perceived no change of any sort in my own life 
or heart. But about a year later, I attended Sunday 
afternoon meetings for children, conducted as regular 
little prayer or class meetings. Our leaders, Mr. 
and Mrs. Ames, explained to us that everyone needed 
to repent of wrong things they had done, and they 
asked how many of us would like to become Chris- 
tians. Several of us stayed to an after-meeting and 
prayed about it. I arose feeling that God had for- 
given me. It was a clear knowledge, but I do not 
know how I felt. I went home and told my parents 
about it, and immediately I began to read the Bible, 
a portion every day. Had it not been for the fellow- 
ship which I had in my mother, I am afraid I should 



THE TURBULENT BAR 209 

have become abnormally conscientious. My mother 
used to pray with me about troublesome things, and 
in others she showed me that I was inclined to go too 
far. 

"My only period of doubt was a little while in 
high school, when the implications of evolution first 
came up. I knew my people would oppose any such 
doctrines as sinful, and I said little of my question- 
ings. I decided that if any such thinking was going 
to destroy my peace, I wouldn't believe it. By thus 
simply refusing to face the question, I gained time 
to develop mentally, and to see the folly of suppos- 
ing that truth in nature and in the Bible could con- 
flict. 

"My most genuine sense of God's presence comes 
from private study of the Bible. It has always been 
my source of inspiration. During the last two years, 
I feel that I have begun to do real thinking. The 
stirring life of the Christian Endeavor and of the 
Christian Association has obliged me to build many 
bridges between books and real life. I feel that my 
bridges are becoming ever stronger, and better able 
to bear the traffic of living." 

The Sweetest Girl in the Congregation. This 
is what the Man in Zoology called her, that night 
he came in the storm to eat apples and talk by 
my study fire. You met him among the "Let- 
tered and the Learned." Now this is a little win- 
dow opened into the heart of the girl, a few 
months before his coming. She is now making a 
faculty home. She does not groan about the 
scantness of the professor's salary, but she re- 



210 THE PILOT FLAME 

joices in every benefit provided by the university, 
and thus makes all good gifts her own. 



"I greW up in a Christian family, church and Sun- 
day School, and always tried to be a Christian. Not 
much joy was associated with joining the church, be- 
cause it followed as the result of learning the cate- 
chism. I felt as if a greater responsibility rested 
down upon me, because I must strive harder to be 
good. 

"I can remember very clearly the first time I felt 
that I must have more help in being good. It was 
at a revival meeting for our Sunday School children. 
I loved those meetings, and always wanted them to 
come again. As we children knelt around the altar, 
I felt that warmth in my heart which I knew to be 
love for God. From that time continuously, I have 
realized that it was truly good to be a child of God, 
and I had more enthusiasm in trying to be a good 
girl. 

"From that time on my life was about the same, 
until I came to the university. It is here that I have 
found the beauty and inspiration of my religion. God 
has been revealed to me in a wonderful way, and I 
will never cease to thank Him for it. I have watched 
Christian people as I never did before, and I have 
realized that it was a high calling and a blessed privi- 
lege to be among them. If I had not been allowed to 
come to the university, I think my Christianity would 
have faded with my childhood. The church and the 
Christian Association have been a home place of rest 
to me. When I go to the meetings, tired and blue, I 
am nearly always refreshed and comforted. Since 



THE TURBULENT BAR 211 

I have been here I have realized also the opportunities 
for service like wide open doors which stand before 
the Christian. 

"Then, too, God has shown himself so clearly in 
our family affairs that I know how to trust him bet- 
ter/' 

Poverty was struggled with in this case. 

"I feel God drawing nearest when singing, espe- 
cially the hymns of many old associations. I don't 
care for the new hymns. Also He is very genuine 
in testimony, especially when I am trying to help the 
little girls in my Sunday School class. God is good 
and I could not live without Him. My aim is to serve 
Him, to keep my life pure and helpful, to do my part 
and to leave the rest to Him. I have confidence that 
if I but fill my corner with work for His glory, he 
will arrange my future." 

Whether or not the emerging individuality of 
the child shall be held and harnessed by the family 
consciousness, depends upon whether the family 
consciousness is based on fellowship or whether it 
is based on authority. If the family is not able 
to relax its arbitrary authority after individu- 
ality has emerged, friction and rebellion may be 
expected. Then will follow a reaction from the 
standards of the family. This reaction may be 
from what is considered "orthodox" to what is 
considered "liberal;" or in case the family au- 
thority is "liberal," the reaction may almost as 
readily be to "orthodoxy." Much of the seething 



212 THE PILOT FLAME 

unrest in the family life and in the religious life, 
may be traced to the growing habit of prolonging 
the period of family authority. With the neces- 
sity of prolonging the period of financial depend- 
ence in order that the children may receive the 
higher education, has grown the impression that 
the family conceptions as to what things are de- 
sirable and what things are hateful, should also be 
enforced upon the children. Disagreements arise 
which burst the bonds of family affection. Round 
about sixteen years of age, individuality has 
taken control of conduct. The only normal regu- 
lator of individuality is responsibility. If the 
attempt is made to substitute parental authority 
for responsibility, difficult frictions arise which 
generally are not healed in a life time. 

The two following experiences are used in illus- 
tration, because they were written by two girls, 
of the same age, of similar disposition, of equally 
vigorous mental endowment, from middle class 
homes. They sat side by side in the class-rooms, 
in the church and in the meetings of the young 
people. The necessity of "breaking" was the 
same, but it happened that in one home the stand- 
ard of enthusiasm was "orthodoxy" while in the 
other it was "liberality." The necessary sense 
of responsibility was attained by breaking the 
bonds of family authority. If with emerging in- 
dividuality, responsibility is not freely given, the 
necessity of its attainment is such, that it will be 
seized at the cost of family harmony. 



THE TURBULENT BAR 213 

The soul-tossed girl of the first experience is 
like the tiny drop of water that reflects the uni- 
verse; she has toward things accepted as true, 
that attitude of heresy which is troubling the 
whole present generation. 

"As I think back into my childhood, there are very 
few experiences which I remember before there had 
come to me a definite sense of right and wrong, and 
I am sure that with the sense of right and wrong came 
a feeling of the reality of God, — God, a Father in 
heaven, just as real as my earthly father. I was 
responsible to this God for all my acts and he would 
see to it that these were rewarded or punished. God 
seemed like a kind of invisible giant man to me. 

"I learned to read early, and I remember when I 
was about seven years old, I read one of Miss Alcott's 
books in which a boy said he did not fear God, but 
loved Him. I had read about fearing God and keep- 
ing his commandments, so I asked my father what it 
meant to fear God. He said that it meant to respect 
and obey Him. I said that wasn't what I meant by 
fear, and that I, like the boy in the story, loved God 
but did not fear Him. That moment, — though to 
think of God as of love rather than as of fear is 
not regarded as a heterodox doctrine to-day, — that 
moment, an attitude of heresy toward the things ac- 
cepted as truth by my people, entered into my soul. 
That attitude has been with me most of the time since, 
like a wall built across the way of my full acceptance 
of the doctrines and ideals of my people. For the 
sake of feeling peace and harmony, I would be per- 
fectly willing to accept their doctrines, but I cannot 



214 THE PILOT FLAME 

do it. I doubted small points at first, but didn't dare 
to think out very far from what I had been taught was 
the truth. By the time deeper doubts came, I was 
nominally a Christian and a member of the church. 

"Before joining the church, I had no deep religious 
experience. Growing up in a Christian home, attend- 
ing church and Sunday School regularly, taught to 
love Jesus as naturally and as early as I learned 
to love my relatives, at first I felt little difference 
between myself and other members. I supposed we 
were all Christians because we were members. Later, 
through preaching of pastors, and talks of Sunday 
School teachers, I came to feel that there was a dif- 
ference. The difference seemed less a question of 
wrongness or of rightness in the lives of the two 
classes of individuals, than that Christians were 
people who had 'gone forward' in a revival meeting. 
I have always felt alienated and unhappy when pres- 
ent upon such occasions. The only altar service that 
ever appealed to me as being beautiful and akin to my 
spirit, was two years ago at Trinity Church, when on 
Easter evening we knelt among the lilies. I never 
before wanted to 'go forward.' One night, how- 
ever, I did stand up under an intense emotional stress, 
caused by listening to a hell-fire revival sermon. I 
think after that I did work a little more diligently at 
my religion. I liked the communion service. At this 
time I would try to square up accounts between my- 
self and my God. On many occasions I chafed under 
what I considered the arbitrary and narrow minded 
rules of the church. 

"The next fall after joining the church, I entered 
the high school. My attitude of rebellion was nour- 



THE TURBULENT BAR 215 

ished, for I began the study of the sciences under 
Unitarian influence. I began to doubt many things 
in the Bible, but I could not express my doubts at 
home because of my father's rigid old-fashioned or- 
thodoxy. This made me doubt all the more. 

"After high school; I became a teacher. I joined 
the Christian Endeavor for the influence I might have 
upon my pupils ; and because the pledge promised 
prayer and Bible reading daily, I read my Bible 
and tried to pray each day. From this time, there 
came a change in my life and in my attitude toward 
many things. Gradually there came a clearer, more 
positive religious life; at the same time, there came 
deeper, more intense periods of intellectual doubt. 

"At times since, I have been so fully filled with a 
feeling of spiritual insight and richness, that the 
whole world seemed transformed to me. Perhaps a 
few weeks later, I would be plunged into the depths of 
despondency and doubt. I have not of late years had 
a perfect, lasting faith in a real personal God. 

"I have no one habit through which God becomes 
most real to me. Prayer is not generally a genuine 
transaction to me. Testimony is more helpful to me 
than is prayer. Sometimes God comes through ser- 
mons to me, and sometimes through songs. I have 
done many things from the sense of duty, that might 
be called service. While such service gives me the 
feeling of satisfaction, I do not get out of it the 
exhilaration of joy. 

"These are all my doubts and difficulties; in all 
honesty I mention them. They are beginning to drop 
away from me like the fog that belongs to the morn- 
ing, but is gone in the clear shining of the noonday 



216 THE PILOT FLAME 

sun. More constantly there grows before me the 
hope of making my life lovely. More constantly I 
am in the attitude of reverence before the conception 
of making myself a true bearer of the lovely spirit 
of Christ. I feel myself like an artist striving to be 
worthy to paint a great picture. The ministrations 
of Trinity Church have led me out of the harsh re- 
gion of doubts, and have laid upon me the necessity 
of striving for spiritual loveliness. I am beginning 
to idealize the family, so that my father's orthodoxy 
is becoming interesting to me like a family heirloom." 

The following* letter was written from the 
home environment during the long vacation. It 
is selected from the collection of experiences be- 
cause in it is a break with "liberality." Such is 
the necessity of an emerging personality to accept 
as authority its own experiences, that it is often 
necessary to break with any family ideal that has 
been vigorously enforced. 

"I have had the intention for some time of respond- 
ing to your call for a frank account of my religious 
experience. I owe so much to Trinity Church that 
I cannot disregard any such request; God has been 
doing things for me. 

"When I first came into the church, I had ac- 
quired from my mother many prejudices against the 
'superstitions' and 'restrictions' of the Methodists. 
I determined not to let 'narrow-minded' people in- 
fluence me, and not to let my religion interfere with 
my pleasures. I have been trained to detest narrow- 
mindedness. Dr. Jordan has been held up to me as 



THE TURBULENT BAR 217 

indeed David All-Star Jordan, a hero of my mother's, 
and consequently of mine. I have always wanted to 
be wide and noble-minded like him. I knew he 
didn't believe as Christians do, but I thought he 
would probably occupy a higher seat in heaven than 
many narrow-minded Methodists whom I knew. I 
could see no harm in dancing, playing cards and 
theater-going. The old ladies to whom * worldly 
pleasures ' were an abomination, aroused antagonisms 
in me, and I became bitterly rebellious. 

"About a month ago the subject at the Epworth 
League meeting was a Christian's pleasures. The 
talk was on hindrances to spirituality, and the refus- 
ing to be conformed to the will of God. My heart 
beat like a trip-hammer. As soon as the leader fin- 
ished speaking, something pushed me up on my feet, 
and then and there I confessed my sin, and I openly 
resolved to seek God's will in all things thereafter 
and not my own. At that moment I entered a new 
world. If it had been in Peter Cartwright's time, I 
would probably have shouted; it would have been a 
relief. As it was, I trembled like a leaf for about 
fifteen minutes. 

"When I told my mother, there happened just what 
I had expected and had dreaded. She thought I was 
going insane, and became bitter toward the church for 
thus leading me on. She suffered dreadfully. It 
seemed to her that a great gulf had opened up be- 
tween her and her daughter, for she knew that hence- 
forth all our views would be different. For two 
nights we argued the matter, mamma imploring me 
with tears not to 'shut myself up from all the pleas- 
ure in life.' She had nervous attacks. I feared at 



218 THE PILOT FLAME 

times she would die, but I knew that if she had been 
dying, I could not have changed my decision. I felt 
numbed, and I lived in a sort of trance. After three 
days had passed, we decided to consult a Christian 
friend whom we both trusted. That good woman 
soothed mamma, and though she could not show her 
her mistake, she at least made her feel somewhat more 
reconciled. She put new strength into me, and en- 
couraged me to keep close to God. Since then, things 
have gradually been coming right through God's prov- 
idence. 

"Through this experience I have learned many 
truths that I knew not before. I have learned 'who- 
soever he be of you that renounceth not all that he 
hath, cannot be my disciple.' When I made my 
confession that night, I did not merely renounce danc- 
ing; I gave up the world, decided forever between 
God and mammon. 

"Day by day I have been learning more of the 
fullness of the Christian life. The Bible means 
much more to me. It is as if God's words had been 
intensified. There are such wonderful promises ! 
And there are such plain commandments ! I am 
burning to do His work. When I think of my own 
inability, I am appalled. Then, however, comes the 
thought that His strength is made perfect in my 
weakness. So when He calls, I am going. I have 
said, 'Here am I, Lord, send me.' I have been de- 
vouring what missionary literature I can get hold of. 
It takes vital hold on me. The 'evangelization of the 
world in this generation' rings like glory bells in my 
mind. With God's help and His guidance, every act 
of my life shall be performed with this mighty pur- 
pose in view. 



THE TURBULENT BAR £19 

"It is my great wish to become a Volunteer, but I 
have been held back by the fear of breaking my moth- 
er's heart. I feel that God does not yet want me to 
say, 'I volunteer to go to the foreign fields'; but I 
do say, 'I volunteer to go where God wants me to go, 
wherever that may be.' If God ever reveals to me 
that it is His will that I go to the foreign field, with- 
out hesitation, I will go, knowing that he will remove 
all obstacles. If it is His will that I go, I could 
forsake houses and lands, brothers and sisters for the 
Kingdom of God's sake. 

"I feel that I can tell you about my experience at 
home because I know that you will not misjudge my 
mother. I feel that in His own good time God will 
reveal things to my mother also, and then we will 
have a deeper fellowship than ever before. I shall 
be glad when the time comes to return to the Uni- 
versity and to Trinity Church. I am thirsty for the 
springs of spiritual life which I found there." 

In these written testimonies of the young peo- 
ple, it will be noticed that the question of amuse- 
ments seems often to arise, and it will be won- 
dered if the church with which they were affiliated 
was campaigning against amusements. As a 
matter of fact the question was rarely mentioned 
in the church, and then the problem of right and 
wrong was always put upon the individual con- 
science. It is not altogether accidental that this 
question bulks so large in the testimonies of the 
young people. Regardless of the discussion of 
the inherent rightness or wrongness of dancing, 



THE PILOT FLAME 

the willingness to give up this pleasure furnishes 
a test of devotion. Something to be overcome, to 
be given up, to be denied, self to be sacrificed after 
a definite fashion, answers to a necessity of the 
religious experience. Jesus says, He who would 
be my disciple, let him take up his cross and fol- 
low Me. The taking up of the cross, the feel- 
ing of the weight upon the shoulders, would ap- 
pear to be the necessary preparation for the 
"follow Me." Especially in university life, the 
giving up of dancing is a cross ready prepared, 
standing by the wayside. The bearing of this 
cross provides a considerable weight upon the 
shoulders ; it provides a genuine preparation for 
entrance into the experience of "following Me." 



CHAPTER VII 
DARK TILL JESUS COMES 

The Sixth Chapter of John's gospel contains 
the account of two occasions when Jesus harshly 
and abruptly refused to serve the people. It is 
the explanation of how he lost his crowd. There- 
after the many went back and ceased to follow 
after Him. 

He had said to his disciples, let us go apart 
and rest a while, and they had set off for a picnic 
on the far side of the Lake. But just then 
Jesus was too popular, because of the wonderful 
cures of the sick. The crowds followed, press- 
ing around Him. They brought their diseases 
and wretchednesses, clamorous and boisterous. 
All day he healed them and taught them ; all day 
he poured out his power to fill up their weakness, 
for he saw them as sheep without a shepherd. 
Moved by His own compassion, Jesus poured out 
an intoxicating amount of power that day. The 
people were to Him the sheep of his pasture, and 
He took care of them as His own. 

Sheep always make the appeal of helplessness. 

One time in driving through the Coconino forest, 

the largest stretch of unbroken timber in our 

country, I observed the life of the creatures. All 

the birds knew how to find the berries, the haws 
221 



222 THE PILOT FLAME 

and the isolated water holes ; there are no springs 
or streams in the great forest, but when during 
the unbroken summer the little pools in the rocks 
dried up, the birds could come with unerring flight 
for fifty miles to the tanks. The cattle took care 
of themselves ; they found all the good pasturage 
within a day's journey of the watering troughs; 
they never wandered into the wilderness, nor lost 
their way. They might go five miles, but they 
knew when to turn back to water. They knew 
how to care for the weakness of their little ones. 
One mother cow would take care of a whole group 
of little calves while the mothers went back to 
drink. And the horses are just as wise, — they 
ran in little bands and came in to the water tanks 
at regular intervals of a day and a half. When 
the riding horses were hobbled out over night, to 
find them in the morning, you had to follow the 
line of the best pasturage. But the sheep must 
have the shepherd always with them. He makes 
his bed with them at night, and by day he stays 
always with his one flock. He must find them 
food ; he must find them a place to rest and make 
them lie down, and he must drive them to the 
water. If the sheep are left to themselves they 
do not find the rich grass ; they do not return to 
the place where they have found water and been 
satisfied; they wander away into the burned and 
rocky places, and bleating, lost, alone, they lie 
down and perish in the vast wilderness. 

Jesus saw much people as His sheep that were 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 223 

hungry. He caused them to sit down where 
there was much grass, just like the shepherd 
causes the sheep to rest when he has found a good 
place. And he fed them all, out of the bounty of 
his method of breaking a few barley loaves and 
fishes. When they had eaten and were boisterous, 
they would take Him by violence and make Him a 
king, to lead a forlorn revolt and set up some 
new tyrant to fleece the poor sheep. Such was 
their interpretation of His Kingdom. 

And Jesus withdrew Himself, far away into the 
mountains alone. 

The next day, they press into the Capernaum 
synagogue with the same purpose. The memory 
of free bread had strengthened their determina- 
tion. Jesus tells them that He will not provide 
any more free bread, but that he will give them 
eternal life. They demand to know what they 
shall do, and he tells them to believe on Him. 
The multitude is angry, feeling that they have 
been fooled by an impracticable fellow who talks 
about heavenly bread instead of using His new 
process to multiply barley loaves. Shuffling feet 
of the multitude press out. They follow no 
more after Him. 

Between these two harsh days when Jesus saw 
the people as His sheep, and the people saw Jesus 
as a bread king, occurs a tender interval, setting 
forth the manner in which Jesus comes, and the 
kind of work He does in the world. If the de- 
tails that belong to the night and to Galilee are 



224 THE PILOT FLAME 

dropped out, and the essential facts of this com- 
ing of Jesus are written in italics, as is done in 
the following quotation, it will be readily seen 
that every phase of the religious experience toil- 
somely collected from the lives of the people, cor- 
responds in a marvelous manner with this coming 
of Jesus. 

"And when even was now come, his disciples went 
down unto the sea; and entered into a ship, and went 
over the sea toward Capernaum. And it was now 
dark, and Jesus was not come to them. And the sea 
arose by reason of the great wind that blew. So 
when they had rowed about five and twenty or thirty 
furlongs, they see Jesus, walking on the sea, and 
drawing nigh unto the ship; and they were afraid. 
But he said unto them, 'It is I; be not afraid.' 
Then they willingly received Him into the ship; and 
immediately the ship was at the land whither they 
went." 

By gathering up the italics, we get the uni- 
versal statement. It is dark when Jesus has 
not come. They were afraid. They see Jesus. 
They willingly receive Him. Immediately the 
ship is at the land whither they went. 

1. It is dark when Jesus has not come. They 
were afraid. Some critics have thought that the 
disciples saw Jesus walking on the shore, which 
was nearer than they supposed, and some have 
thought that there was not sufficient need to 
justify a miracle. But the incident is like the 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 225 

Jesus which the heart knows. Peter and John 
and the rest were afraid out there on the Lake; 
the wind was against them; they had rowed far 
into the darkness and the night, and they had 
not made any shore. They were afraid. What 
need is greater than fear? 

I would rather be hungry than be afraid; I 
would rather have a sharp toothache than be 
afraid. I remember one time when I was a little 
boy, and had a brother and some sisters still 
smaller, father and mother went away one after- 
noon and left us. As it came on toward evening, 
there was a storm. The thunder was so near, it 
shook the house, and I thought the lightning 
struck a tree down in the pasture. Suddenly it 
was dark ; we crouched by the hearth ; as the fire 
got low, we were afraid to go out for more wood; 
we all huddled in the bed and put the cover over 
our heads, and clung to each other, scarcely dar- 
ing to breathe in the darkness and the cold. As 
we huddled there in the darkness, I heard Father 
say "whoa" to the horses. I can remember yet 
the flooding joy of relief. I jumped out of the 
bed, ran to the woodshed, brought the wood, blew 
upon the coals, and immediately there was light 
and warmth and happiness. 

I understand how Peter and John and the 
others felt out there on the Lake in the darkness 
and the wind. The storm had gathered high up 
in the mountains, where the wild mad power of 
differing streams of atmosphere had let itself 



226 THE PILOT FLAME 

loose, and the naked force of the thunderbolts beat 
on the mountain crests. When the fury of these 
forces of difference was full, driving the unre- 
sisting rain before them, they rushed down the 
steep gorges, laying low the fields of Gennesa- 
reth, where the close standing stalks of wheat 
were bending with the weight of the ripening 
grain, and with unbound fury the storm falls 
upon the sea. Galilee, by day so blue and famil- 
iar, the place where the fishermen toil for their 
daily food, is whipped into a mass of churning 
waves. The wind and the rain marshaling their 
forces from opposing directions, make the place 
of peaceful industry their battlefield. It is all 
right, not much harm is done, so long as these 
forces contend among themselves. Out there in 
the turmoil and darkness is a boat, and in the 
boat are men. They are not foolish nor igno- 
rant men ; they know the sea ; it is the place of 
their daily labor. Because they know it and its 
treachery, they are afraid. Their oars beat the 
waves in impotent weariness; they are unable 
to contend with the forces let loose around 
them; they cannot reach the farther shore, nor 
can they return to the shore from whence they 
came. 

Oh, the many wide Galilean seas, the many 
dark nights, the many contrary winds that sweep 
down from the mountains of contending leader- 
ship through the gorges of custom, and fall upon 
the little boats that struggle ! Oh, the many men 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 227 

far out on the deeps of life, attempting to cross 
to the farther shore in the darkness of unfaith, 
overwhelmed by the unbound greed and ambition 
which has gathered fury in the ruling classes 
above ; beating against the contrary winds of 
weakness and overwork, hopes and aspirations 
unattained ! For it is now dark, and Jesus is not 
come! 

They have no hope that Jesus will come, for 
they have left him far away in the mountain of 
miracle and of prayer ; they saw Him as He van- 
ished in the glory of the sunset colors, and they 
came away and left Him, and it is now dark. 
How can he come? There is no other boat, and 
if he should find another boat, how could a single 
rower make his way out to them? If he should 
come, what good would it do? It would make the 
load in the boat heavier, and wind and darkness 
would still be there. 

So says the soul, out on the wide dark ways of 
custom and of circumstance. It is dark and I am 
afraid. Yet I expect no help. There is no other 
boat. How can He cross to me? I see no way 
in which the Man of Galilee can come across the 
two centuries and live again for me. He is gone. 
It is true, I can look back and see Him in those 
dim ages of miracle and prayer, wrapped in the 
sunset glory of myth and devotion, standing high 
amid the clouds of mediaeval faith, but the world 
has left Him there. He cannot come to me. He 
is but a single rower. I have been carried along 



THE PILOT FLAME 

by the strain, stretch, struggle, of all the ages. 
Hand-toil, brain-toil, battle-energy, have gone to 
fashion me, and these turmoils of all the ages have 
pushed me far out on the deep ways of life. How- 
is it possible that one frail pair of oars, worked 
by faith and joy and love, can beat against the 
contrary winds, when the oars pulled by the 
strong and many arms have failed? If Jesus 
should come, what difference would it make? I 
would still have to work and toil and suffer; the 
service of Him implies certain conventional obli- 
gations which would but further burden my al- 
ready difficult life. He would be one more in the 
boat, and the load would be heavier. No, it is 
no use. I expect when I am no longer able to 
toil, and the contrary winds blow yet more 
fiercely, I shall go down out here in the deeps of 
the sea. I can see no farther shore. I hardly 
believe there is any. It is dark, and Jesus does 
not come. 

In a few matters of their fundamental nature 
all men are alike, whether they be our best racial 
mixture products of economic plenty, of moral 
fiber and of spiritual aspiration, or whether they 
be gendered in the teeming low life of tropical 
Africa, or glimmer into existence in the static 
orient. One of the matters of fundamental na- 
ture is this: With all men it is dark and they 
are afraid, when Jesus is not yet come. This is 
the true summary of all the investigations of the 
religious nature. In order to establish this deep 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 229 

fundamental fact of the religious nature, we have 
but to consider the summary of many careful in- 
vestigations which have been made. 

There are the famous conclusions of Professor 
James, which have never been whittled down by 
further investigations, but have been built upon 
and substantiated until they have become the sure 
foundations of the comprehension of the religious 
nature. His conclusion of the whole matter is 
that man, the general species of him, has a feel- 
ing of incompleteness ; he has a sure conscious- 
ness that there is something wrong with him, that 
he is in the dark. This much when he is upon the 
fair seas of living. In time of stress, or sor- 
row or bereavement, this feeling amounts to an 
agony, a desolation, a fear. Every man's soul 
is the little boat far out in the turmoil of black 
waters. The calm unexaggerated conclusion 
which we can obtain from the extensive study of 
the interior consciousness of the men and women 
who are in the churches to-day, is as follows : 
When they are children, being reared in the sin- 
cere type of Christian home, they have a feeling 
of oughtness impelling them toward Jesus and the 
obligations of righteousness. When you light a 
candle, there is something in a moth that impels 
him to fly toward it. This instinct may be an in- 
herited intelligence, which manifests itself in a 
chemical reaction. The light affects the moth, 
so that it is obliged to fly toward it. The light 
of the gospel, burning in the Christian home, af- 



THE PILOT FLAME 

fects the soul of the child, until it is impelled to 
make some response to it. The childhood feeling 
of oughtness if not satisfied in a personal ratifica- 
tion, develops into a restless hunger, a longing, 
a desolation, a fear. It is true, it may be long 
stifled by the pressure of other interests. It may 
be covered over with cinders and lava of burned 
out desires, but far down below the restless heart 
still glows, at least through the third decade of 
life. This much we know, not by the imposition 
of established theologies, nor by the application 
of any theories of psychology, nor by causing the 
people to deceive themselves with set phrases. 
This much we know, by the careful study and 
comparison of a large volume of cases collected 
from honest and intelligent people of the modern 
mind. All of civilization, all of inherited excel- 
lence, all of education, cannot light the darkness 
and relieve the fears of us men, if Jesus is not yet 
come. 

To establish the fact upon a world-wide basis, 
that it is dark and men are afraid when Jesus 
has not yet come, we now have that report of 
Commission Four of the World Missionary 
Conference, upon "The Missionary Message" 
which is an investigation of Christianity in its 
conflict with all non- Christian religions. This 
marvelous report contains new facts which have 
not yet been thought into our practicing theolo- 
gies. The assimilation of these facts will help to 
provide that living theology which we must have, 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 231 

if we are to ferment a living faith. More than 
two hundred carefully written documents, pre- 
pared out of a whole life of keen contact with the 
religious consciousness of the peoples of all non- 
Christian countries, has gone to swell the voices 
of this testimony. When more than two hun- 
dred missionaries of all denominations unite to tell 
us something of the fundamental religious nature 
of man, we can receive their testimony as final 
established fact. When the ancient Roman Em- 
pire had conquered many peoples, there arose the 
necessity of a fundamental law by which to govern 
them. The codes of all the provinces were col- 
lected, and compared, and what they had in com- 
mon was established as the jus jurii, and the jus 
jurii is still the foundation of the common law. 
This "Missionary Message" is the jus jurii of 
Christian theology. From it we can gather the 
fundamental uniformities of the religious nature, 
and thus we can arrive at a common living theol- 
ogy- 

For purposes of testimony the religions of the 
non-Christian world fall into five classes, the ani- 
mistic, the Chinese, the Japanese, Islam and 
Hinduism. Each one of these religions is a liv- 
ing faith in proportion as it succeeds in unifying 
the interior life by relieving fear. 

The animistic religions yield most readily to 
the Gospel, because their scheme of relieving fear 
is so inadequate. Upon wide testimony it is es- 
tablished that the truth of the Gospel that makes 



THE PILOT FLAME 

most powerful appeal to the animistic peoples is 
the unity and omnipotence of God. "The analy- 
sis of the religious experience of converts given 
by Warneck and Moody, and corroborated by sat- 
isfactory evidence from China, India (hill tribes) 
and Central Africa, and in a remarkable way by 
recent independent testimony from Korea, makes 
the reason plain. To the animist the world is 
peopled by many unseen beings, who are envious 
of the living, and who, unless propitiated, strike 
them with disease and calamity. The whole life 
of the animist therefore lies under an incubus of 
terror. He may propitiate some, but he cannot 
propitiate all. . . . Hence the message of 
one Almighty God comes as good tidings of great 
joy. The climax of the Gospel is that this God 
of love has not only the power, but the will to 
protect His worshipers. The love becomes real, 
it becomes possible to realize it through Christ. 
The picture which the testimonies give of the re- 
lief and abounding gladness which this brings the 
animist is profoundly impressive. The spell of 
the reign of terror is broken, and the new life is 
a jubilee of liberty and joy. At first, there is 
little sense of sin. . . . The Battak convert 
retains the simplicity of his faith. He takes all 
his earthly troubles to his great Protector and 
Father, as well as his inner conflicts. He believes 
profoundly in prayer, and his faith is often strik- 
ingly verified. God proves Himself a reality 
within the world of nature and circumstances to 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 

the appeal of childlike faith." (Missionary Mes- 
sage, p. 219.) 

The sustaining element of the Chinese religion 
is ancestor worship, which is a palliative but not 
a full deliverance from fear and interior con- 
fusion. "The nerve of ancestor worship lies in 
the conception that the ancestor still exists, and 
is dependent in the unseen world on the reverence 
of his descendants, and that in turn he can con- 
trol their destiny." "Its power of resistance to 
the Gospel is due to the way in which through the 
ages it has become inwoven into the very texture 
of Chinese society, so that for a man to become 
a Christian is well nigh to become an outlaw." 
"Still another factor in the religious situation 
is the existence of powerful sects which have left 
the ancient religions, out of discontent with their 
spiritual insufficiency. It is from these, in con- 
siderable measure, that Christians have been re- 
cruited." 

If we substitute for the family ancestors as the 
overshadowing benevolence, the feeling of patri- 
otism, we come to the strength of the Japanese re- 
ligion. To a remarkable degree the individual 
is bound by the family, and the family by the 
state. The converts to Christianity are mainly 
from men who under industrial pressure have 
migrated from their own district, and thus 
broken away from the feeling of control and 
relatedness. Being swaddled close in the bands 
of the family and the state, somewhat of the 



234 THE PILOT FLAME 

desolation of darkness and loneliness is mitigated. 

All the reports of Islam show it to be a more 
vital faith, with greater resistance to Chris- 
tianity. The psychological study of Islam shows 
how closely it corresponds with Judiasm, and it 
may be best understood by remembering Paul's 
great discourse between the difference of being 
"under the law" and "under grace." Its hard 
legalism with its outward conformity to law, pro- 
duces spiritual pride in some, and in others that 
deep spiritual discontent with the exile from God. 
The reports show in Sufism and in the remark- 
able and imperfectly understood Bahai movement, 
which is spreading so widely in the nearer East, 
and in the practice of the Zigr in Egypt, that 
longing for a more vital union with God than can 
be won through the Law, has broken the iron 
bonds of Moslem orthodoxy. 

The testimonies upon Hinduism show a vast 
and developed consciousness of the unseen, which 
is yet formless and void because it lacks roots 
in the historical Christ, and because it is not 
firmly welded to betterment activities. Hinduism 
is a vast tapping of unseen power, it is the dis- 
covery of the natural gas of faith, but this great 
volume of power pours out into the atmosphere 
and is dissipated, useless and lost. Not till this 
faith shall be rooted in the historical Christ, and 
shall be capped and piped into the service of bet- 
terment works, shall it be of any avail in the lives 
of men. 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 235 

The comparative study of this marvelous col- 
lection of testimonies sets up in clear, strong per- 
manent outline not only the missionary message, 
but the gospel message. It is dark, when Jesus 
is not yet come. Men are afraid. The vast 
fabrics of the non-Christian religions are clumsy 
devices to supply a genuine need. They are like 
the tallow candle as a method of lighting; the 
slow turning clumsy water wheel as a method of 
raising water, the wheelbarrow as a transporta- 
tion system. Korea, probably more remarkably 
than any other country, has taken the great leap 
from tallow candles to electric lights ; from the 
waterwheel to mountain water, stored, filtered and 
piped into each dwelling, and from the wheel- 
barrow to the express train for transportation, 
and more remarkably than any other country, she 
has made the leap from animistic fear to safety 
in the arms of Jesus. 

The burning words of the naming apostle, Wil- 
lis R. Hotchkiss, of the Friends African Indus- 
trial Mission, summarize the darkness and the 
fear. "Go where you will, here in the homeland, 
or in the meanest jungle hut in Central Africa, 
you will find that men are conscious of God ; they 
are conscious also that there is something wrong 
within themselves, and that they must strive in 
some way to find a meeting place with God. This 
is the explanation of the myriad forms of 
religions in heathen lands, for every superstitious 
rite and ceremony of heathendom. Every idol 



236 THE PILOT FLAME 

before which millions are bowing down in abject 
slavery of spirit, every horrid orgy that racks the 
world with pain and deluges it with blood, is but 
a testimony to the universal God-consciousness, 
the wail of the universal need. I have seen the 
African women dance hour after hour, day after 
day, until one after another fell in convulsions at 
my feet. Why? Simply the blind, deluded ef- 
fort of these denizens of the Dark Continent to 
satisfy that imperious need." 

We have this testimony from the mouths of 
many witnesses and observers, until we can best 
differentiate the species of man by calling him 
"the God-conscious animal." 

The soul darkness of many peoples has been 
given first mention because it is the essential dark- 
ness. "If the light that is within be darkness, 
how great is that darkness." How dark it is 
when Jesus is not yet come was realized by Isaiah 
when he said, "We wait for light, but behold ob- 
scurity; for brightness, but we walk in darkness. 
We grope for the wall like the blind, and we 
grope as if we had no eyes ; we stumble at noon- 
day as in the night; we are in desolate places 
as dead men." 

There is another kind of darkness that appeals 
to many with more insistence than soul darkness, 
and that is the darkness of circumstances. The 
souls of those who sit in darkness are numb and 
dumb; their wild strivings for expression are 
hard for us to interpret, but the appeal of the 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 237 

darkness of circumstances comes up from every 
un-Christed land. 

Perceiving the circumstance darkness of the 
lands where Jesus has not yet come, is now the 
education of the church. We are made to hear 
the wail of the widows in India, who in the days 
of childhood become a curse and a reproach, who, 
while their sisters adorn themselves with the gar- 
ments of good cheer, must sit by themselves and 
weep. We are made to hear the cry of the in- 
numerable women "Behind the Curtains," that 
the hard taskmasters of tradition and custom may 
let them out to see the big beautiful world before 
they pass from it. They hear the music and 
gayety of the banquet of life going on below, while 
they are shut in a dark and desolate little closet 
upstairs. The whole church is made to see the 
bones of famine children, sticking out through 
their skin, asking for mush first, and then for care 
and culture and Christ. The scum of the famines 
of fifteen or twenty years ago, the waif children 
given to the missions, have now become the torch 
bearers in their worlds. 

The appalling poverty and benumbing drudg- 
ery in which the bulk of the people in the orient 
must live makes a great darkness. It is worth all 
of missionary effort yet made in China to break 
the power of the dragon and enable China to 
warm herself with her own coal. The degree in 
which the gospel has penetrated in China may be 
measured by the degree in which the people have 



238 THE PILOT FLAME 

their fears of the dragon so far relieved that they 
get out their own coal with which to warm them- 
selves. Through the six thousand years of 
China's benumbing torpor, the dragon of fear has 
kept under his claws the vast coal deposits, the 
widest and deepest veins in the world. 

If every time you meet a missionary from 
China, you will ask him to tell you an episode 
showing how the people value coal, which should 
be as abundant as in our coal regions, you will 
have a test by which to teach you the power of 
the old dragon of fear. The last two mission- 
aries I asked gave these episodes. One said, "I 
have seen an old woman, blind, sitting in the 
midst of a stubble field on a cold bleak winter 
day, trying to gather stubble sufficient to warm 
her brick bed and heat some water for her tea, 
while immediately under the field where she felt 
around for stubble were wide untouched veins of 
coal." Another missionary from the richest prov- 
ince of China said, "We always turn out the ashes 
without sifting, although coal is expensive, be- 
cause the old women come and patiently pick 
over the ashes, looking for bits of cinder that will 
burn. If they can get a few coals, they are so 
grateful it gives us access into their lives." 

When Jesus shall be at last seen, coming across 
the dark waters in China, then will the power of 
the dragon be broken and the people will be able 
to warm themselves with their own coal, and for 
many millions the darkness of exceeding poverty 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 239 

will be gone. Yet it is still dark on many a great 
Galilean Sea, and there be many little boats bat- 
tling with the contrary winds, for Jesus is not yet 
come to them. 

Nor do they expect Him. The disciples out in 
the little boat did not comprehend the possibili- 
ties of the divine. They had seen Jesus heal the 
sick all day, and feed the five thousand by break- 
ing five barley loaves and two small fishes, but 
they did not expect Him to come to them. Their 
situation is peculiarly difficult ; there is no way of 
getting into communication with Jesus ; he is far 
away in the mountains. 

To expect Jesus, though vaguely and uncer- 
tainly, is great gain. It was the hope of the 
Messiah that made a chosen people. In all out- 
ward matters of race and ability, the Hebrews 
were not different from the warring Semetic 
tribes that surrounded them ; indeed, in many as- 
pects they seem inferior. They had not the com- 
mercial ability or the seafaring skill of their 
nearest neighbors, the Phoenicians, they never 
assimilated the culture and formal refinement, 
nor the facility at government of the Egyptians ; 
nor did they attain the abundant life of wealth 
which the Babylonians drew from their grain 
fields like tawny seas and their irrigated 
orchards. They had but this one imperishable 
virtue, they expected the Messiah. At times the 
bulk of the people were drawn away after Baal, 
Mammon and Moloch; but always carried along 



240 THE PILOT FLAME 

from mouth to mouth of the prophets, is the 
clearly expressed expectation of the Messiah, the 
clear faith that when the people reached their ex- 
tremity, there they would find their God. This 
expectation was great gain. While the proud 
city of the Phoenicians has become a place where 
the fishermen dry their nets, and we pray to be 
saved from that commercial pomp that shall make 
us one with Nineveh and Tyre; while Babylon 
is dust heaps, which we turn over if, perchance, 
from her venerable libraries and her well codi- 
fied laws, the outlines of her deified brick walls 
and the corners of her ziggerats, we may let loose 
some fresh rays of light on those insignificant 
little neighbors who expected the Messiah; 
while we know Egypt only from her graves and 
her mummies and the mutilated statuary which 
the ever encroaching sands have covered and pre- 
served, while time and dust and sand have been 
obliterating the places of wealth and pride and 
power, — the children of the promise, the little 
company of the God-seers, who saw the light and 
greeted it from afar, they have taught the world 
to praise and to pray; they have put into the 
mouths of that unnumbered congregation that as- 
sembles under every sun and sings in every 
tongue, the words of exultant gladness and grati- 
tude to Him who sent us the Messiah; they will 
yet gather the whole world together around the 
feet of God with their words of penitence for 
sins, sorrow for weakness, merging always into 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 241 

the confidence of faith and strength and power 
received. 

To be great enough to expect the Christ is to 
be of His fellowship and kind. There are a few 
rare souls among non-Christian peoples who have 
undoubtedly been of the fellowship of the Christ. 
In one of the ancient palaces of the Babylonian 
ruins were found terra cotta drain pipes, showing 
that the king's home had a water system. The 
glory of our age is not a water system for a pal- 
ace, but water systems for all the people. The 
glory of Jesus is His availability for the mass of 
simple toilers everywhere, who would never be 
able to come to any comprehension of God, if 
they did not first see Jesus. The great difficulty 
of bringing Jesus to alien lands, is that they don't 
expect Him. And when they don't expect Him, 
they don't want Him. That same rage which 
Paul encountered at Athens and Corinth, finds 
expression in a Boxer Rebellion. 

The sea arose by reason of the great wind that 
blew. They rowed five and twenty or thirty fur- 
longs. They rowed enough to get across the 
lake ; they put forth enough effort to have many 
times crossed the lake. On any shore where the 
waves break in endless procession and slide back 
purposeless into the deeps, the longing arises to 
connect the power here wasted to some useful ac- 
complishment. Just as the waves gather them- 
selves to their crest, break upon the shore and 
slide back into nothingness, so lives that are not 



242 THE PILOT FLAME 

welded to an eternal purpose by the vision of 
Jesus, come to the crest of their growth, break in 
death and slide back into nothingness. The 
waste of life and effort that is not controlled by 
the vision of Jesus is the most tremendous squan- 
dering of the natural resources of the soul. Any 
other waste become trivial beside it. 

That night on Galilee, with the black water fall- 
ing into the boat, they see Jesus, walking on the 
sea, and drawing nigh unto the ship. It was a 
breathless sight. To see Jesus in any of his as- 
pects is an experience so great as to summarize it- 
self into a feeling. But He said unto them, "It 
is I; be not afraid." Then they willingly re- 
ceived Him into the ship. 

To truly perceive the personality of Jesus is. 
always among men followed by the willingness to 
receive Him into the ship. When they saw him 
upon the water, they thought Him a spirit, and 
he would have passed by, being judged by the 
disciples as one of the additional terrors of the 
night. Many times Jesus is let to pass by, be- 
cause upon Him is reflected from the mind which 
beholds Him the shadow of impressions alien and 
clammy, associated with graves and terrors. Je- 
sus is natural and friendly, like the sunshine and 
the flowers, like all the simple, joyous facts of 
friends and love and home and hope. He offers 
himself so simply. "It is I; be not afraid." 
When Jesus comes, it is like that everywhere. He 
does not find fault that he was not expected nor 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 243 

seen sooner; he does not say, "Clean out the boat 
so that it shall be a fit place for me, repent in 
sackcloth and ashes." He does not say anything 
about the clumsy use of oars, nor does he ex- 
plain how it happened that the contrary winds 
came down from the mountains. He just offers 
Himself, "It is I; be not afraid." 

The failure to willingly receive Jesus is because 
He is not truly seen. If between the appearance 
of Jesus and the consciousness of him who be- 
holds there rises the fog of the chill suspicion that 
he is an alien spirit, or if the boisterous waves 
make possible only a distorted glimpse of Him, 
then there will be refusal to receive Him into the 
boat. 

Again the evidence which established this fact 
may be taken from the "Missionary Message" 
with its more than two hundred testimonials as 
to what has been found the chief hindrances in 
the way of the full acceptance of Christianity. 

The Chinese see Jesus as not of their family, 
and the Japanese see Him as not of their race. 
He is to them an alien spirit, and for this reason 
they will not receive Him into their boat. Islam 
is the only religion which aggressively rejects 
Jesus, and we quote a paragraph to show that it 
is a distorted aspect of Jesus which causes the 
most vital non-Christian religion to refuse to re- 
ceive Him into their boat. (Missionary Message, 
p. 24*3.) "When we inquire into Mohammed's 
rejection of Christianity, we find that he never 



244 THE PILOT FLAME 

had anything but the most perverted idea of what 
Christianity really was. The Christianity which 
he rejected was a very debased type, half poly- 
theistic in its theology, superstitious in its wor- 
ship, and with a sacred history encrusted with 
puerile legends. He had evidently never read the 
New Testament, and his conception of Jesus is 
largely derived from the Apocryphal Gospels. It 
is not therefore historically just to say that Mo- 
hammed rejected Christ. Suppose that to-day 
there were to arise a great religious genius among 
the peoples of the Congo, suppose that all that he 
knew of Jesus Christ was what he could learn from 
those representatives of His who condoned the 
policy of King Leopold, would it be just to say 
of the religion that he founded that it rejected 
Christianity? The Moslem rejection of Christi- 
anity rests upon that fatal misunderstanding of 
what Christianity is which is revealed in the 
Koran. It remains tragically true that had the 
Church of Syria been faithful to its Master the 
reproach of Islam had never been lain upon Chris- 
tendom. The thought has somber consequences. 
New religions may be maturing which in like man- 
ner will be 'anti-Christian' and stand in future 
centuries as a barrier in the way of winning the 
world." 

One summarizing sentence will be quoted from 
the conclusions as to Hinduism, showing how mani- 
fold and terrible evils have arisen out of a dis- 
torted view of God. "Our correspondents trace 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 245 

the manifold ills of Indian life, the immense out- 
growth of mendicant asceticism, the petrification 
of society in the caste system, the abuse of child- 
marriage, and the manifold hardships of widow- 
hood to the same deep root as that which is mani- 
fest in all the infamies of popular idolatry — the 
defective conception of God, the turning away of 
the human heart from its Father in mistrust and 
fear." 

A true sight of Jesus produces an arousement 
of all the powers and potentialities that are in 
the nature of a man. We know how in the days 
when the gospel was new, and the vision of Jesus 
was not entirely obscured by vast organization, 
it took only about three hundred years for the 
authority of the Gospel to come from the hearts 
of the Galilee fishermen to the throne of the 
Caesars ; we know how in the Reformation, when 
.Jesus had been shut away in the big, dead shell 
of the church, it became possible for Him to come 
through the Book into the hearts of men, and it 
set loose the love of liberty and inventive genius, 
until we claim the Reformation as the source of 
our industrial plenty and our political freedom. 
We have it on the word of a cool economist that 
if John Wesley had appeared in France instead 
of England, we would now be talking of the world 
dominance of the Frank instead of the Anglo- 
Saxon. Who shall limit the power or the wide 
flowing potentiality of the seeing of Jesus ! 

When John and Peter and the huddled and fear- 



246 THE PILOT FLAME 

ful disciples in the bottom of the ship had will- 
ingly received Jesus, immediately the ship was at 
the land whither they went. When Jesus is re- 
ceived, the quality of eternal life begins. Unsus- 
pected powers are let loose. Oars which beat the 
waves in impotent discord, now come into the har- 
mony and control of the great personality. 
Every dip of effort counts, and immediately the 
farther shore of attainment comes into view. 

There is no need to discuss the nature of deity 
which enabled Jesus to become conscious in a 
man. There is no need to speculate about the na- 
ture of the body of Christ that enabled Him to 
walk on the water. These concepts are beyond 
us, as is timeless being, or beginning of being. 
It redounds to our great profit to tell of every 

instance in which Jesus comes to a man, and to 

% ... 

note with care and sympathetic faith what is ac- 
complished by his entrance. The details of the 
way in which Jesus comes to the soul of a man 
is that enduring romance of eternity, ever of the 
newest and most vital interest to us. To keep 
the vital freshness of the coming of Jesus, we 
must make it news. We can put into it what our 
eyes have seen and our hands handled of the 
Word of Life. We must tell about how Jesus is 
getting into the ship. 

While we cannot but envy those who are fresh 
from the mission fields and can bring the news 
of how the ferment of the Christ-presence works 
when it is put into the measures of fresh meal, 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 247 

we must yet report what we have seen and know 
does happen when Jesus gets into the ship. I 
have served in the home mission fields, and in such 
a fundamental matter as the getting of Jesus into 
the ship, there is not such a radical difference be- 
tween an Arizona cowboy and a University stu- 
dent. There was this difference: in Arizona the 
publicans and sinners, that is the barkeepers and 
the miners, would come out to hear the preacher. 
When they saw Jesus lifted up and were drawn 
unto Him, it would necessitate some radical 
changes in their living. These outward changes 
are such good evidence that Jesus has come into 
the ship, that they often induce others to seek 
Him. I well remember one man who was known 
by his ingenious profanity. Jesus entered into 
his ship. Immediately there came into view the 
shining white shores of purity. The filth of 
thought and the filth of language were purged 
away, and his lips dropped good cheer and the 
testimony that made others see Jesus. But I 
do not see that his case was radically different 
from that of a nice little girl church member who 
said to me not long ago, "My trouble is that I 
tell lies, small untruths about lots of things." 
When Jesus came into her ship, he needed to 
purge her lips just as truly, and He did. I have 
not been able to see that there was such a great 
difference between church members and those with- 
out in the matter of the coming of Jesus into the 
ship. It gave me the same kind of a thrill as 



248 THE PILOT FLAME 

when a sinner is converted, when a beautiful old 
lady who had been a church worker all her life 
arose in prayer-meeting and said, "I was con- 
verted last Sunday. All my life I have had great 
terror of death, for I did not realize that Jesus 
was with me. I feel his presence and it is light 
and joy." It takes just as much of the power 
and reality of Jesus to rescue a student from the 
pessimism of too much knowing without doing, 
which is intellectual dry rot, and to bring him to 
the place of optimistic service and flowing activ- 
ity, as it does to raise a drunkard from the gut- 
ter, and put into his mouth the song of praise, 
and into his flesh an appetite for wholesome 
things. On one occasion when Jesus was seen by 
a number of people to come walking across the 
dark waters, he got into the ship of a man who 
had been a slave to drink for forty years, and 
the exceeding glory of his coming above the 
brightness of the noonday sun, burned up the old 
appetite. There was a student who had a bad 
habit which disappeared in the presence of Jesus ; 
there was a splendid young woman who had striven 
all her life to do her duty, but to whom Jesus had 
never been real. She found the glory and the 
arousements of his presence. There was a young 
man who felt a call to preach the Gospel, but who 
had long kept the impression of this call under 
the heel of his ambition. When Jesus came into 
his ship, he was willing to go where he was wanted 
to go. There was a woman whose heart was filled 



DARK TILL JESUS COMES 249 

with bitterness because of the unworthiness of 
her husband. She found that the exceeding 
worthiness of the Christ could come in and satisfy 
her, and the black desolation of her night could 
become a dawn. There was one who had a scold- 
ing tongue and a quick temper, which were trans- 
muted into power and repose, because Jesus had 
come into her ship. 

I have a collection of the things which Jesus 
does for people when he comes into the ship. I 
have compared them until I am sure that it is not 
important to ask whether the lips drop profanity 
or lies or fault finding; that there is not such a 
wide chasm between drunkenness and bitterness ; 
that it is no matter whether you have been a 
church member and toiled in the vineyard of the 
Lord since early morning, or whether at the noon- 
tide of your life you are still without, waiting in 
the market place. The important question is, 
"Have you seen Jesus? Do you feel his presence? 
Are you conscious of the sustaining joy and as- 
surance of having Him with you? Or, is it dark 
with you, for Jesus has not yet come?" 

The coming of Jesus is real knowledge. I 
would not say that all who have Him with them 
can tell of the definite moment when he came into 
their ship, but I am sure that all who have Him 
with them are conscious of his companionship. 

Not many would be found to deny that the 
matter of a man falling in love with a woman is a 
real experience, but if you will make careful in- 



250 THE PILOT FLAME 

quiry you will find that more can remember the 
incidents of how it was when they saw Jesus, than 
can remember the details of their courtship. I 
think that any husband or any wife can tell in 
their hearts whether the hearth fire of their affec- 
tion which they lighted together long ago is still 
blazing, or whether the coals are covered deep 
with the ashes of indifference. You do not need 
any elaborate tests. In your heart, you know. 
Have you seen Jesus recently? Is he now getting 
into your ship? Or, does the sea arise by reason 
of the contrary winds that blow? Is it now dark, 
and Jesus not yet come? 



CHAPTER VIII 

MADE-OVER GARMENTS 

Some fifteen years ago, Bishop Newman ap- 
pointed me a missionary to Arizona. He thought 
there was a church there that needed the energies 
of a young man. I felt that Methodism had the 
right to give me marching orders, and although 
it involved a long and expensive journey to the 
jumping off place of sand and sage-brush, I con- 
cluded that as good soldiers of the cross, my wife 
and I must arise and march. Our first pastorate 
of two years represented our married life, and 
there were no little ones with us at that time. It 
was necessary to dispose of our first housekeeping 
possessions, and to set forth into the wilderness. 
The hundred and fifty dollars in hand seemed 
ample funds for the journey; I thought it was 
fairly provident for a Methodist preacher to 
have so much. My mind was further at ease be- 
cause the Superintendent of the Mission had 
promised to have some funds at Los Angeles, to 
provide for traveling expenses. But after stay- 
ing a week in Los Angeles for the Conference, and 
visiting relatives and friends, we found on the 
morning that the long journey into the wilder- 
ness was to begin, that I had just five cents in 

my pocket, and the Superintendent told us that 
251 



252 THE PILOT FLAME 

the missionary money had not arrived. Bishop 
Newman was going on that train, and the Super- 
intendent. The tickets were purchased and the 
Pullman reservations taken. It seemed impossible 
for us to turn back and hunt up a friend from 
whom to borrow. In those days we were young 
enough to laugh at our predicament. The Lady, 
who has always been my good comrade in adven- 
tures, persuaded me to toss up the nickel to see 
which one of us should carry it. For the next ten 
days, we were passing that nickel back and forth, 
each trying to persuade the other to get a cool 
drink with it, as under the unbroken blaze of the 
sun we came to feel like dried sponges. Our only 
resource in addition to the nickel, was a large box 
filled with walnuts in the cream, that is, nuts taken 
off the trays before they are dried. There is 
somewhat the same difference between walnuts in 
the cream and dried walnuts which come into the 
market, as there is between fresh peaches and 
dried peaches. 

Those walnuts belong to the day, because 
Bishop Newman took a fancy to them. All the 
company cracked them by squeezing the big nuts 
together. The train thundered into the oven of 
the desert heated seven times hot. Bishop New- 
man lay against the linen cover of the seat, the 
sweat running off his iron gray curls, and drip- 
ping over the edges of his splendid oratorical 
jaw. With deliberation he picked out the wal- 
nuts, and talked. The thermometer mounted to 



MADE-OVER GARMENTS 253 

a hundred and ten ; the alkali dust fine as powder 
penetrated the ventilators, until the length of the 
car was a dim distance. 

Bishop Newman talked on in a glorious elo- 
quence. I know now that he was Elijah turning 
back into the wilderness to die. After that 
journey into the wilderness, he tried to hold one 
more round of Conferences, and then the message 
came that Bishop Newman, the man of the richest 
personality of any we have produced in Metho- 
dism, had passed in behind the veil. Perhaps the 
furnace like glory of the desert was to the Bishop 
that day the chariots of the Lord and the horse- 
men thereof. We happened to be the Elisha that 
followed after, so he spilled over upon us the brim- 
ming cup of his spirit. He was traveling back 
over his own life, interpreting as from the farther 
shore the significance of his experiences. 

He told us of his journey around the world 
with President Grant, when they had been re- 
ceived in state by every king, emperor, czar, ruler 
and potentate in the world. "I saw every reg- 
nant power ; I was greeted by every reigning ruler 
in my generation ; I have stood upon every con- 
siderable body of land in the world; I have seen 
life and the glory thereof. 

"I look back with greatest satisfaction upon 
the hard scrabble years of my youth in the Metho- 
dist itineracy. At the close of the Civil War the 
church in the south was utterly disorganized. 
They sent me to New Orleans, to a weak church, 



254 THE PILOT FLAME 

where my way was fenced about with fierce hatred 
and prejudice. The yellow fever broke out. I 
stayed and prayed with the living and buried the 
dead. After the fever had passed, my church 
flourished, and now there are three Conferences 
growing out of the reorganization of the church 
in the south. I am glad I was sent to New Or- 
leans, and I am glad I didn't run from the yellow 
fever. I have never since been afraid that I 
was a coward. 

"Of all the marvelous conversions I have wit- 
nessed, the most childlike and the most Christ-like 
was that of Chief Justice Chase, who joined me 
Metropolitan Church in Washington. We had 
together many talks ; he sharpened my under- 
standing of materialism and taught me evolution. 
I kept showing him Christ. That was all I could 
do. At last he was overcome by the beauty of 
love, and the authority of Jesus. One Sunday 
morning, after the communion was finished, I 
asked if there was no one else to come that morn- 
ing to the Lord's table. Chief Justice Chase 
arose, and walked down the aisle. It was a 
stately and impressive coming, as if he carried in 
his hand the glowing crown of a trained and mas- 
terly intellect to lay at Jesus' feet. He bowed 
himself in the utmost humility, with splendid sub- 
mission, hiding his face on the altar rail." 

The memories of that communion service in his 
Metropolitan church moved the Bishop, until the 



MADE-OVER GARMENTS 255 

tears washed his eyes, and suddenly lifting up his 
lion-like head, he exclaimed: 

"Give me back me Metropolitan Church, and 
ye may take y'r Bishopric." 

Then he lay back in silence against the linen 
cover of the seat, and slowly picked out a walnut. 
That company of great memories was too sacred 
for the intrusion of any foolish remarks. 

While the silence lasted, it was told up and 
down the car that we were to be paid for the 
horror of the heat by seeing the awesome mystery 
of the desert, a perfect mirage. From the brake- 
man the information was obtained that such an 
one as we saw generally preceded a thunder storm. 
We moved to the other side of the car, and for 
some thirty minutes we compared observations on 
what we saw, trying to make ourselves under- 
stand that it was a shadow and not substance upon 
which we looked. Out there on the desert sand, 
about half a mile away, was a blue lake, or more 
probably an enclosed harbor. We could see 
placid waves roll in and break on the shingle. 
Standing around the shore were tall stately palm 
trees, the kind that are called "royal palms" in 
the Islands, — the kind your mind pictures when 
you say "fronded palms." There was a castle- 
looking building on the shore, which was not so 
distinct as the palms. The mirage fitted so nat- 
urally into the vivid blazing day, that it created 
no more comment than a rainbow. 



256 THE PILOT FLAME 

As we returned to our seats opposite the 
Bishop, the Lady quoted, 

"We know not where His isles may lift their fronded 

palms in air, 
We only know we cannot drift beyond His love and 

care." 

I expect she was feeling lonely and scared, as 
each hour slid us deeper into the desert, with only 
a nickel between us. 

The Bishop took a few more nuts ; then with a 
new blaze in his eyes, he began with the Superin- 
tendent, and asked him suddenly: "Why do ye 
believe in immortality ?" The Superintendent was 
accustomed to talk appointments and church poli- 
tics with bishops ; to be suddenly called upon to 
deliver a reason for the faith that he preached 
was bewildering. He floundered a few moments; 
then he landed clear and strong on the statement 
that he believed in immortality because it had 
been believed and taught by the strongest and 
best men of the Christian centuries. The Super- 
intendent said he had grown up in the Methodist 
church; his father had died when he was a small 
child, and it had been his mother's hope and am- 
bition that he should be a minister. He believed 
in immortality, as he believed in the church; it 
was established by twenty centuries of believing 
and teaching. He thought that the people who 
did not believe in immortality were of the same 



MADE-OVER GARMENTS 257 

kind as those who did not believe in marriage, or 
the home, or children, or plain hard work, or 
honesty, or any of the fundamental duties and 
moralities which are the foundation stones of all 
good living. For his part he did not believe in 
arguing about immortality, any more than he did 
about being loyal to his wife and devoted to his 
children. All this talk about evolution was but 
another phase of the world, the flesh and the devil, 
that age-old trinity of evil against which we op- 
pose the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. For his 
part, he was determined to proclaim over the dead, 
the hope of immortality, and to teach all the peo- 
ple he could reach to live in the fear of the judg- 
ment; 

The Bishop beamed on the Superintendent, and 
said, "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

He respected him for his work's sake, and that 
year he made him Presiding Elder in a great home 
Conference, so that he went no more back to the 
mission. 

Then the Bishop turned to the Lady, with the 
same question, "Why do ye believe in immor- 
tality?" 

Because the Bishop's own soul beat against the 
bars of mortality, I think he was interested in 
what we would say. We knew not much of life, 
but the Lady and myself had come fresh from the 
most evolutionary University in the world. He 
wondered if we had managed to escape into the 
Methodist ministry with any fundamental faith, 



258 THE PILOT FLAME 

or if we, like the Superintendent, launched forth 
into the desert on the authority of tradition. 

The Lady said: "My mind takes hold most 
firmly on the argument of incompleteness. All 
that a man is more than a brute has no justifica- 
tion, if there be no hereafter. To be fit and to 
be strong and to survive is the prime obliga- 
tion of life, if there be no hereafter. Patriotism, 
loyalty, sacrifice and service are ranked as fool- 
ish perfumery that tickles some erratic nerve, if 
there be no hereafter. As the wing of the bird 
is developed while the bird is yet in the egg, and 
is the true prophecy of the air which is the ele- 
ment to which it is adapted, so the mind and emo- 
tions of a man are the wing yet confined within 
the egg of this present life. They have no suf- 
ficient justification without a hereafter. The 
moral law, the obligation to serve and love and 
sacrifice, have no sanction of authority except 
in immortality." 

Returning again to his memories, the Bishop 
replied: "I knew Senator and Mrs. Stanford; 
I was their pastor when they dreamed the dreams 
of the great University. The Senator wanted to 
give back his wealth to the people of the west by 
teaching their boys and girls to keep close to life 
and to think for themselves. I am glad they 
taught you to think at Stanford's University, 
that 'wing of the bird in the shell' — it is the true 
likeness of the soul that flutters, and is not filled. 
The eye is not filled with seeing, neither the ear 



MADE-OVER GARMENTS 259 

with hearing, nor yet is the appetite satisfied with 
food." 

The Bishop turned to me, and with vision 
splendors gathering and gleaming behind the dull- 
ness that was even then filming his eyes, he said 
to me with authority, as the Bishop not of my ap- 
pointment but of my soul, "Why do ye believe in 
immortality ?" 

At that time I was one who had been out on 
the red ridge of battle in the warfare between 
science and religion. In struggling to attain an 
honest intellectual basis upon which I might 
preach the gospel to the people, I had seen every 
traditional argument bursted as with a bomb- 
shell. I had been walking around the walls of 
Zion, and instead of marking the towers thereof, 
I had marked the breaches in the wall made by 
the bombshells of radical thought. I felt like 
everyone of those breaches was torn in my own 
soul; I had seen them and I could not deny their 
existence. 

Thus I responded: "Bishop, when I am on the 
walls of Zion fighting, I do not call attention to 
the breaches in the wall, but since you ask me 
as one of the generals of the campaign, I will 
point out the place, which you probably already 
know, where we must rally for our last stand. 
We have finally to retreat and make a stand on 
naked faith in Jesus Christ, and the word of his 
promise. We cannot even claim an analogy in 
the fact that he arose from the dead; for we do 



260 THE PILOT FLAME 

not expect to arise just as he arose. His dead 
body was not found in the tomb ; the resurrection 
life surged through his mortal body. We do not 
expect any reassembling of the particles of dust 
which form our mortal house. Our faith greets 
the morning of the resurrection not upon the claim 
that just as He arose, our bodies shall be reani- 
mated, but we base our claim upon the promise, 
'because I live, ye shall live also ;' 'where I am, 
there shall ye be also;' 'I go to prepare a place 
for you — if it were not so, I would have told 
you.' 

"We have accepted immortality as assurance, 
and forgotten that the constant expression of 
St. Paul is 'the hope of immortality' — 'by faith 
ye are saved' and that 'faith is the becoming 
substance of the things hoped for' and that faith 
is not sight, else it has no longer the virtues of 
faith. The hope of immortality is not easy to 
attain, nor yet to hold. The descent into the 
grave is yet accompanied by the terrors of un- 
certainty. The vision-hope of immortality is the 
gift of Jesus Christ; it becomes knowledge only 
to those who are pure in heart. 

"When we are driven to the last stand, Bishop, 
we have to admit that Paul's great analogy of 
the grain gives way. We put into the ground 
seed, it is true, and it provides for itself a new 
body. But the seed was not dead, inorganic. It 
had the new body folded away; growth in the 
world as we know it is only a matter of expan- 



MADE-OVER GARMENTS 261 

sion. When we pass the body of the dead 
through the crematory, there remains only a 
handful of dust, that can fly before the wind along 
the waste. What is left after death is not chemi- 
cally different from the handful of the desert 
sand, that you see out there flying in the wake of 
our train. How inorganic shall put on organic, 
or how mortal shall clothe itself with immortality, 
we can no longer preach. We do not know. By 
faith alone in Christ, we claim the hope. Sepa- 
rated from Him, we fall into the abyss of hopeless 
nothingness. We are the dust that flies before 
the wind along the waste, whence and whither, 
we know not, willy-nilly blown." 

When I had finished, we fell on silence for a 
time. We looked out at the stretches of the 
desert, where the wind was tossing up meaning- 
less hillocks of sand and then wearing them down 
again; where the gaunt branches of the mosquite 
rattled their dry bean pods and cast a thin and 
uncertain shadow; where the weird cactus covered 
with thorns and dust lifted itself against the sky 
like a blasted finger of hope. 

The Bishop lay against the linen cover of the 
seat like one inanimate. As my eyes turned back 
from the desert way, I saw that a miracle had 
been wrought. It was as if a candle had lighted 
behind his features, and his eyes that had re- 
treated deep in their sockets, took on an expres- 
sion like opalescent color. When he had pro- 
ceeded a little way in his talking, I knew that he 



262 THE PILOT FLAME 

did not see us any more, but that we were permit- 
ted to be present and hear wonderful things on a 
Mount of Transfiguration. 

"Why do I believe in immortality? To me 
the greatest gateway of the soul is that scene on 
Mount Tabor, which we call the transfiguration 
of our Lord. When I was in Palestine I found 
the place. High up on the northern slopes of 
Tabor, far away from the ruins of the ancient 
village, is a lovely glade enclosed with oaks and 
adorned with flowers. Shut in from the world, 
all nature breathes a sense of repose. The view 
of the sky, so far and so purple blue is unob- 
structed. One peaceful night, accompanied by 
three of the disciples who were drawn apart to 
rest a little, the Son of God had an interview with 
two visitors. These visitors talked with Him of 
the decease which he should accomplish at Jeru- 
salem. 

"The two visitors were Moses and Elijah. One 
had been absent from earth fifteen hundred years, 
the other nine hundred years. That they re- 
tained their names and their personal identity is 
beyond question. Though separated by vast dif- 
ferences of time, yet their recognition was com- 
plete. 

"Personal identity remains. Moses must al- 
ways be Moses, and Elijah must always be Elijah. 
We can never be other than ourselves, more than 
ourselves, less than ourselves. He that is right- 
eous will have to be more righteous still; he that 



MADE-OVER GARMENTS 263 

is lovely, will have to be lovelier still, but he that 
is filthy will have to be filthy still. 

"Peter, James and John had never seen Elijah 
and Moses; no pictures were ever made of them 
in Jewry; in all the history of their lives no de- 
tails are given as to their physical appearance, 
yet Peter, James and John had no difficulty in 
recognizing Moses and Elijah. The strong 
flavor of their personality, clinging even to the 
bare written account of their work, was a suf- 
ficient means of identification. 

"Not only was the personality of Moses and 
Elijah intact, but they were still absorbed in the 
kind of work they had done when on earth. For 
forty years Moses gave himself to the uttermost 
to redeem his people from Egyptian slavery, and 
to make them a nation who recognized Jehovah 
as their King and Lord; Elijah toiled all his life 
to redeem his generation from the passion slavery 
of Baal worship, and to induce his people to claim 
Jehovah as King. Moses and Elijah talked with 
Jesus of the efficacy of sacrifice and service to 
redeem the people. Moses, Elijah, Jesus, the 
great redeemers and social saviors. After fif- 
teen hundred years, Moses was still demanding of 
the Pharaohs of dark oppression, 'Let my people 
go' and Elijah was still praying, 'Oh, God of 
my fathers, show unto the people that thou art 
God.' 

"We will keep our identity, we will keep our in- 
terests, we will keep our work. 



264 THE PILOT FLAME 

"Moses and Elijah appeared in glory. Their 
appearance was not more remarkable than the 
great change in the appearance of our Lord, He 
who was a man of sorrows and acquainted with 
grief. Of his personal appearance Isaiah said, 
'He hath no form nor comeliness, and when we 
shall see Him, there is no beauty that we should 
desire Him. His visage was marred more than 
other men, and His form more than the sons of 
men.' Now behold the contrast! The fashion 
of his countenance was altered, and his raiment 
was white and glistering. His transfiguration 
body differed from his resurrection body. He 
came forth from the tomb bearing the marks of 
crucifixion in his hands and feet and side; his 
raiment was the familiar garb seen so often by the 
disciples. He stretched out his hands, saying 
'It is I, myself.' But at the transfiguration 
his soul shone through his body, and his robe, 
travel-stained and dust-covered, becomes white 
and glistering, as if new from the wardrobe of 
the skies. This was the prefiguration of His 
ascension body, which in the moment of ascension 
from earth to heaven passed the glorious trans- 
formation, — the elimination of the earthy and the 
mortal, and the manifestation of that body which 
is the inner residence of the soul. The disap- 
pearance from sight was the shaking loose of the 
mortal and earthy. 

"For me, the old idea is reality. Within our 
exterior bodies there is an interior form, nearly 






MADE-OVER GARMENTS 265 

related to the imponderable substances of the uni- 
verse — like electricity; like force, like magnetism. 
At birth it is formless, but it is changed and 
fashioned and formed by the life experiences; the 
hour of death is the release of this invisible in- 
terior body, which yet retains every imprint of 
life which has been upon it. As we have worn the 
image of the earthy, in personality, in aspiration, 
in work, we shall wear also the image of the 
heavenly. This is our hope ; it is also our terror, 
if we warn not men of the fearful reality and im- 
mortality of themselves. 

"The discovery of Heaven is as real as the dis- 
covery of the new continent of America. There 
was a time when people living on the shores of 
the Mediterranean fancied that sea was really the 
limit of the world. They were accustomed to 
stand by the columns of Hercules and see the 
waters flow thereon. Now and then came a shrub, 
sometimes a flower, occasionally a dead body. 
For centuries they said, 'There is nothing be- 
yond the Mediterranean, nothing outside.' They 
fancied that the two currents, one running out 
and the other running in, performed a revolution, 
or a circular current, and this was their explana- 
tion of what they saw. But at last a brave mar- 
iner pushed his boat through the columns of Her- 
cules and beheld the broad Atlantic, whose waters 
lave Albion's white cliffs and wash America's en- 
lightened shores. 

"So the materialists of our little day, standing 



THE PILOT FLAME 

by the Mediterranean of life, say there is nothing 
beyond; but anon some flower of paradise ap- 
pears, some branch from the tree of life, some 
Moses and Elijah pass these columns to astonish 
the people who live on the shores of this inland 
Mediterranean, with the truth that there is a 
vast Atlantic of life and immortality beyond. 
The materialists of Greece were accustomed to 
say that the music was in the harp, as the less 
poetical minds of our day say that the steam is 
in the tea-kettle. But Socrates replied that the 
music is in the harper. The harp strings may be 
susceptible to musical vibrations and the atmos- 
phere to musical sounds. The harp may be 
broken and the music cease, but the harper may 
receive a new harp, and sweep new strains there- 
from. The human body is a harp, but the harper 
is within. You may destroy this human body, 
but the harper shall have a new instrument on 
which he can play immortal music." 

The golden vibrant voice of the Bishop ceased 
to flow; he had in his throat the most wonderful 
harp string I have ever heard. In the splendor 
of his utterance the worries of the work, and the 
heat of the way, and the difficulties of the future 
had fallen away from us. We stood with him on 
the Mount of Transfiguration, and we saw that 
the manner of his countenance was altered and 
that behind a light like a candle glowed. 

Out of the windows, for the first time we saw 
the unutterable splendors of the Arizona sunset. 



MADE-OVER GARMENTS 267 

We watched while the clouds shaped themselves 
into visions of purple and amethyst glory, and 
gates of pearl swung wide open to permit to mor- 
tal eyes a glimpse of the golden streets. "At 
even' time it shall be light.' 5 

But a few weeks and we heard that the harp 
of the mortal life of the Bishop was broken. 
Nevermore shall my mortal ears feel the melody 
of his voice as it vibrated from those harp cords 
in his throat. But the music is in the harper. 
He has received a new harp, from which he 
sweeps the same old strains. I shall greet the 
great personality of the harper again. Though 
worms destroy this body, yet in my own person- 
ality I shall greet the Bishop again. 

Fifteen years have passed since this discussion 
took place, and for the first time I have attempted 
to give utterance to its memories. The experi- 
ence was so vital that every detail is etched into 
my consciousness, as acid bites into glass and 
traces a permanent pattern. It has been in the 
background of my mind, as the events of the life 
of Christ were in the mind of St. John. After 
many years I can make an interpretation that yet 
retains the accuracy of the original discussion. 

The accidental group that answered the ques- 
tion, "Why do you believe in immortality?" give 
the different arguments not because they have 
been taught of theology, but because they have 
been taught of life. The way in which this ques- 
tion is answered reflects the mental generation 



268 THE PILOT FLAME 

of the person who answers. The arguments 
which support the flame of faith are differently 
fashioned with each mental generation. The 
spirit of man is forever the lamp of the Lord, but 
the pattern of the lampstand is fashioned by the 
generation. 

That a group of people, closely bound together 
in the same church organization, should give such 
differing answers to this question, reminds us that 
the hope of immortality is not a doctrine, but a 
feeling, an assurance, a personal preparation. 
The pattern after which we have fashioned our 
earthy garments of faith, shall be the pattern 
upon which our white robe of eternity shall be 
shaped. With the splendor of his faith, the 
Bishop was fashioning his eternal robes, as we 
journeyed into the wilderness. 

And those who followed him that day, in the 
fear of poverty? Does not our experience run 
parallel with that of Mary in the garden who in 
housewifely caretaking, came with spices for the 
dead body, but who had the beatitude experience 
of throwing the spices away, and clasping the feet 
of a risen Master, the Lord of power over life 
and victory over death? 



JAN 11 1913 



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